Dreamland
by ElleThom
Summary: Inspired by another story of mine, i decided to examine how Jamie Noble becomes the man he is. Oh and Martha is there too. Crap summary Read it and if you have a better one, let me know
1. Chapter 1

**Hello Dear Reader**

**A little author's note if you will indulge me please. this is a story that was inspired by another story of mine. I wrote a story entitled "What Is and What Should Never Be" for the SciFiBigBang. Well, nestled snugly within that story was a smaller side story (ooo alliteration, Poe would be so proud of me right now) I could not let go. I swore i would not write any more fanfiction, at lest not for a while. But the plot bunny was waiting for me everytime i left the house, **

**You do not have to read that story too understand this one, but if you are a fan of Fringe as well as Doctor Who, you might find it interesting. **

**Anyway, thanks for giving my little tale a view, i will try to keep the updates as regular as i can, i am still working on another fic that i need to finish... sigh i need like Plot Bunnies Anonymous or something.**

He had never had the chance to even realize how cold Norway really was. The first time he was here, he had been nothing more than a hologram, a shade. He had said goodbye to the woman now in his arms.

Good bye

The ancient engines ground behind him, it was enough to mar the infinite beauty of the moment. He held the blond in his arms, tight, tighter. There was a singularity in the feeling of the cold wind whipping around him, the sound of the TARDIS leaving, and the softness of her lips as he poured so much hope into the gentle pressure of his lips against hers.

She turned her head as the sound began to fade; he knew she wanted to see, to watch the Doctor leave for once and for all. This time held such finality; an end.

She watched the spot where the blue box twisted into memory. He reached for her fragile hand as they bid the silent farewell to something neither one of them wanted to lose.

"Well, best to be getting on then." Jackie signaled her intentions with a strong sturdy stride toward the waiting vehicle. He could only assume that someone else had had the forethought to arrange for transport in advance, mostly since Jackie could barely program a DV-R, let alone a complex return trip. Though, the man in the blue suit had to admit to himself the irony of his following her lead.

Hand in hand the two followed across the beach, neither looking at the other, both eyeing the empty plot left by the TARDIS a rectangular imprint in the sand they seemed to move away from in a symbolic measure of finality.

By the time they returned to London, he was sure things were not going to be as simple as a kiss on a beach. He watched out the window as the strange world passed him by, trying to muffle the sensation of the emptiness in his mind. He had grown accustomed to the silence of like minds, but the TARDIS had been there to soothe him all those time the silence got to him.

He did not even have her now; just an endless silence that he was certain would drive him to being sectioned inside of a month.

She smiled at him, that fragile tentative smile. In her eyes he saw reflected his own loss and abandonment. And in that instance, looking into her eyes he realized he could no more have a relationship with her than he could with a sister. It was in that moment he realized that they were more like siblings driven into state custody.

"She placed a warm hand upon his and patted. "This is good" and he wanted to believe. He really did. But he knew that she was reassuring herself, deadening her own pain by projecting comfort onto him.

He'd had five days of acclamation before it really started.

They were given separate rooms, not out of any provincial expectations from overprotective parents. In fact, he was given his own room with a nod and a soft pat on the shoulder from Jackie. Rose stood nearby eyeing the living situation with a nervousness that seemed feral.

The first night he didn't sleep, didn't even lie on the too comfortable bed. He sat on the edge of the ruffled beast and stared at the wall in front of him. He was assaulted by feelings and emotions he had never before felt. A stomach tat needed to be filled; hands that twitched for something to do; a bladder that knocked for an answer.

And yet, still he sat.

By the time the sun began its slow creep over the well manicured grounds, he had not moved, not even when his bladder had answered the call for him.

He was completely and totally lost.

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He could not help but hear the conversation between mother and daughter, how could he miss it? The two sat in the parlor drinking tea and discussing his life as if he was a child.

"He is nearly helpless," Rose complained throwing her blond hair back as if in emphasis.

"He's not helpless Rose,' she insisted shaking her head at her daughter. "He has lost everything."

"He's got _me_," Rose fired back, the man could hear the possessiveness in her voice and it scared him.

Again Jackie shook her head at her daughter. "You've been to all these places Rose, but you are still so _young_." She nudged closer to the side of the couch Rose lounged upon. "What did you think it would be like? Him coming here, he's a fish outta the bowl that one.'

"Rose turned on her mother. "I thought I would not be back here. I thought I would be with the Doctor, I mean the real one, not some defective full grown infant who doesn't even know when his bladder is full." She huffed her indignation, and for a second, he expected her to throw something across the room.

Jackie fixed a glare on her daughter; the man in the shadows knew that look; had been on both sides of it enough times in his (other) life to know Jackie was not impressed with her daughter. "You say you love him-"

"I _do_ love him Mum, the _real_ him."

"Rose," she spoke softer, kinder than he had ever remembered her speaking "Life doesn't always go the way you plan it." She grabbed for her daughter's hand when the younger woman attempted to run off. "It's not easy for you, but its murder for him."

The man in the blue suit left the rest of the conversation; he knew he did not need to finish eavesdropping to get the drift of it.

What Rose wanted, he would never be.

He decided he would make damn sure of that.

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It was Pete who inspired his career choice in a left handed sort of way.

The fifth night at the dinner table, the man in the blue suit was asked if he had thought of anything about his new life.

"How can I not?" he had answered somewhere between the mashed potatoes and the spinach. "All I can do is think about this new life of mine. "

The silence at the table was both uncomfortable and thick. Rose looked down at her plate, not wanting to meet his eyes. Jackie, with all good intentions, graced him with a look of absolute pity. It was far worse than anything Rose had said the other day. He hated pity. Pity was for those who were completely helpless, could not do for themselves. Pity was for crippled children or blind old men forced to beg on the street.

The man in the blue suit twisted his fork into the tablecloth as he spoke. "Stop looking at me like that." He spoke calmly but the tone was unmistakable. Jackie turned her head away from the man in the blue suit, picked up the toddler next to her and left the room with Rose at her heels.

Peter continued to eat voraciously as if nothing had transpired. Following his lead, the man in te blue suit unwound his fork and attacked the roast chicken.

"You know," Pete commented between large bites, stopping long enough to refill his plate or pass the man another bowl for seconds. "The way I see it you got a golden opportunity here. "

The man did not look up from his plate, but he listened.

"I mean, you're smart, still young, and, thanks to me, you can pretty much write your own ticket for what you want to do here. " Pete continued to eat, speaking around his fork with enough nonchalance to make the younger man listen.

The man in the blue suit continued to eat, and listen and wish he were back in the little blue box.

"I mean, you gotta make a plan Doc-" Pete stopped talking, looked over at the man across from him as he made mashed potato sculptures.

The man was in all actually making a scale model of the mountains of Frelix 12, replete with the green lakes nestled within the range. He flinched at Pete's use of that name, knowing he was and not was that person.

But he realized what he wanted, and he realized Pete was right, he needed a plan and he needed a life of his own. But first, he needed a name.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was with mutual agreement that he find his own place, close to work, close to where he could spread his wings.

It didn't matter, once Rose figured out he did not have a TARDIS hidden in any of his transdeimensional pockets, it was pretty much the end of it. He could not deny that he missed her, missed her laughter, but it was his time as someone else who had keened for her.

The fact that he was having a hard time delineating himself as a person separate from those that actually created him was no longer an issue. Once he took Pete Tyler's advice and

Jamie Noble was a new man, with newly forged credentials. But most importantly, Jamie Noble had a plan.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, I am overwhelmed at the kindnesses directed at this little fic, and i am inspired by it. So i am offering chapter two before i go to bed. Please be advised that this is a fluke thing here, two chapters in one night is more than what i can do every day, but maybe on saturdays possibly**

**I only hope that more of us out there are encouraged to keep writing Martha fics, she is made of ultimate win**

**Anyway enjoy fair reader, and i leave you with a question...Is TARDII the plural form of TARDIS? or would it be TARDIES, hmmmm **

**and we're off...**

In endless days he filled his life one moment at a time. Jamie walked as a man in a dream, but he knew this was his reality. Pete was good to his word, providing him with all he needed for the new life he desired. When Pete realized what he wanted to do, he patted Jamie on the back and smiled at him as a father would a son upon graduation.

At some point in time, Janie knew he would have to admit to himself why he chose to practice medicine. He knew that there were a million reasons to do it, and hadn't the Doctor done just that for centuries? Save lives? The rationalities were easy; it was the truth that he could not face in the mirror.

He was starting to learn who he was, even before his first day at Royal Hope hospital, Jamie had taken three weeks to learn who he was. He kicked around his two bedroom flat, spent the money Pete leant him. Even though he made sure to spend every moment of the day in the pursuit of doing _something _Jamie knew that eventually the loneliness would have to be addressed. His human nature began to bleed through, mostly in the spot where his second heart would have been. Sleep came for him each night after a valiant fight. He did not want to sleep, in fact he felt affronted by the very idea that he even had to sleep. The ancient part of his memory felt a certain self loathing at the other part of his nature, what he began to see as the Donna side of the family.

That was the other thing; for all intents and purposes, Jamie Noble had to admit that his parents were the Doctor and Donna Noble, that in fact they were the two contributors to his current DNA. Even though he resembled his 'father' in appearance, he could see many of his current attributes from Dona as well.

And, as it always did, thinking of her led to a further need, a more base sense fof the loneliness he already reveled in. He wanted to find her, to make her part of this new life he was forging.

Part of his job at the hospital included an office, and for that he would need an office manager. Jamie found Donna Noble, still temping in Chiswick.

"I don't remember applying for no job at no hospital." Donna insisted over the phone.

"No, no Miss Noble." Five minutes into the conversation Jamie could feel a headache coming on. But the sound of her voice was worth every shooting pain across his cerebral cortex. "It's not a hospital, it's a Doctor's practice, mina actually."

"I don't care if it's on the moon, Spaceman, I still don't remember it." She huffed.

Jamie rubbed his temples and sighed. "I promise you Miss Noble, I would not be calling you if I did not have your resume in front of me." It wasn't a lie; he did have her resume, although if she really knew how he got it she would probably hang up and dial 999.

"Well, I do have a history of forgetting things. Just last year that whole Cyberman thing? I was passed out on me mum's sofa, slept through the whole thing." She giggled.

"You don't say?" Jamie offered, restraining his own mad snickering at another typical Donna-ism.

For her part, Donna huffed and agreed to meet with the mysterious doctor to discuss her future.

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Sometimes she showed up without calling. He would see her as he walked to the mailbox, or as he returned with an armful of groceries. She always had that same sad but hopeful look on her face.

And each time she left, he was the one wearing the sad hopeful face.

The first time they had sex was right after he had moved into his new place. She turned up on the steps with a near happy grin and a fichus. She told him how quiet it was back at home without him there, and he pretended to believe her.

She leaned in to kiss him over take out from the Middle Eastern restaurant across the road. He was too lonely to stop it from happening. It wasn't until later that he realized he had been a virgin; right after he realized he had been a stand in.

She left right afterwards, she didn't speak, didn't offer some sad excuse about an early meeting or making mistakes.

She got dressed. She grabbed her purse. She left.

In the three weeks before he started work at Royal Hope, she visited a sum total of twelve times, and unlike a trained animal nudged along with treats, neither one of them was able to learn their lesson afterwards. Both were upset, she because he would never be who she wanted, and he because he was foolish enough, at least in those few hours, to even try.

While Jamie Noble learned of himself in those three weeks before he embarked upon a new life, he also learned of the frailties of the human condition, namely the male libido. He wanted to stop her, but in the end a chance to stave the loneliness, even for a couple of painful hours, was worth the self hatred and loathing afterwards.

Even with her midnight raids upon his soul, Jamie never anticipated for the relationship to go anywhere. What they offered each other was a temporary analgesic against the man whose face he carried around. Jamie did not imagine a life with Rose, never could.

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When Donna showed up at his office a week before he started, he nearly had an anxiety attack. Jamie was afraid of his emotions getting away from him. The Doctor had a stern lock upon his feelings, he could carry his emotions so well tamped down they would never bubble to the surface.

But the Doctor wasn't human, and Jamie was. And the first thought through his mind upon her entering his office was that he really wanted to give his mother a hug.

Donna bustled in with her usual sass. She waved her resume under his nose as if he was a ravenous dog and she held the last piece of meat in Europe. Somehow, this brash brittle loving woman knew it, she knew she had him over a barrel, he could tell from her satisfied smirk at his offer for salary.

"Well," she huffed "Its good to see you realize what a prize you are getting Dr. Noble." She shuddered for a second. "And don't tell me we are related in any way, 'cause ain't no one in my family a skinny streak of nothing. My family's all got meat on their bones. " She paused as if a thought occurred to her. "You sure you even eat?"

"You ever stop to breathe between rants?" The Donna in him fired back.

"Oi, watch it Stick Boy." She warned with a waggled well manicured finger.

"Oi, watch it Red!" he answered her.

She gawped at him for a millisecond, but it was enough for Jamie to realize that he had her. She had met her match. "You'd be best to keep in mind that I am the one doing all the filing around here Egg." She waggled again and Jamie just knew that the name was going to stick. He only hoped she didn't use it around the hospital. Too much. "I could lose every one of your phone messages too." She threatened.

He didn't care if she sat at her desk and filed those skewers she called nails all day long. He had his mum.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to all my readers for your kind encouragement. I really appreciate it, seriously So another chapter for you all to enjoy on a Sunday afternoon, don';t know when i will have another but i will try i promise. And Martha is coming she is a major part of this fic, obviously, but my mother used to always tell me that the fun is in the journey.**

SadHappy**Girl, thanks for reading my other fic but...ahem...shouldn't you be writing...ahem**

Jamie had begun to discover himself. He kept a whiteboard in his bedroom, and every time he discovered some new taste or thing about himself he wrote it down as if he would forget later.

After the first week, the board had only one notation on it about peanut butter.

By the time he started practicing medicine, it was completely full.

He discovered he loved football.

He loved gothic literature.

Beer was good, but anything harder made it difficult for him to concentrate for days afterward.

Ben and Jerry were absolute geniuses.

When he found hoi son sauce in a little Chinese shop near the Laundromat, he nearly died from bliss

He bought every cd by David Gray he could find

Curry makes him sick

He loved the smell of coffee, but prefers to drink tea

One night he discovered ate shirt web site on his newly purchased Apple laptop, Jamie became a t shirt addict.

He still wore chucks, but the idea of wearing a suit and tie scared the shit out of him.

Jamie Noble had to admit that he was finally starting to differentiate the main the mirror from the man in the blue suit.

It was the anxiety attack at Tesco that sent him into two new paths to discovery.

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It was a Sunday morning that found Jamie in the toothbrush aisle. He was mentally kicking himself for having neglected the human need for dental hygiene. Not that any other planet did not have their own dental rituals, but Jamie only had memories of a non human who needed nothing for tooth maintenance.

But Jamie was human, and his teeth were taking on a decidedly furry texture.

He passed the usual up and down models and came across something that made him hyperventilate.

Sonic toothbrush.

He was hit with an intense longing. He grabbed the most expensive one there and opened it right in the store. Jamie held it out pointed and hit the button.

In that instant he was hit with half a billion memories of holding a sonic screwdriver, wielding it as a tool, opening doors, sealing metal. Endless memories flooded his meta-crisised mind; he could not handle the flood and rush of synaptic blitzkrieg.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He awoke in a hospital room, fortunately not Royal Hope. Bad way to start a career for sure.

Jackie was seated in a s=chair next to the window reading a magazine. "Well, look at you." She motioned upon realizing he was awake. "Overdid it in the toothpaste aisle did ya? Well it's a good thing you listed us in your medical records as next of kin or I think they would have had you sectioned."

Jackie dropped the magazine and came over to sit on his bed. "How ya feeling love? Head hurt at all?"

Jamie shook his head and could not stop himself from leaning into her hand as she stroked his hair.

"Maybe you should come home then? It might have been too soon for you to be off on your own…" she did not have that same look of pity on her face; instead Jamie detected genuine concern in her eyes. Concern and something else that made him grateful for having met her.

"Leave him Jacks, he is making a life for himself." Pete asserted from the doorway. He held out one of the coffees to his wife. "He just got a little overwhelmed is all." Pete smiled at Jamie, who returned the gesture with both gratitude and relief.

Jackie shook her head and excused herself to go call home to check on Tony.

Peter scooted the chair right up to his bed. "You've had a little adventure. " he smiled. "Think maybe you should talk to someone about all the stuff you have been through lately?"

Jamie shook his head. "I just had a a moment, no big deal. " he hated how much of a teenager he sounded, but he was not ready to admit defeat.

Pete took a long pull of coffee as if for strength. "Look Jamie, I don't think you need to carry all of these emotions alone. Sometimes we humans find it easier to talk to other people about things, get it off of our chest, you know what I mean?"

Jamie didn't know what he meant. Had no idea what he was talking about in fact. But he nodded just the same. "You aren't going to let this go are you?" he said after a long silence.

"That's family," Pete sighed and patted the younger man's shoulder. "Can't live with them, can't get around them, can't sell them for spare parts." He grinned.

Jamie had to wipe his eyes at Pete's admission, he would have agrees right then and there, but there was something else he did remember about his recent brain storm. "Ok Pete, if you can find someone who can help my unique situation I will talk to them, but on one condition."

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Pete did find him someone to speak to. Nice American young man who wore jeans and a crew cut. Jamie met him in his office for an initial consultation only after Pete allowed him access to the Torchwood secret archives. There Jamie found every single piece he needed for his new project. He may be a human with a trillion memories he neither should have had nor wanted. But there were many advantages to having the mind he was born into.

Jamie's new sonic had a few hundred modifications that the Doctor would not ever have put into a sonic screwdriver. Features that would be useful in his new career; modifications that would make a difference between recovery and unnecessary exploratory surgery.

He felt so good abut it that he made a second one.

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He likes to think he was in control of things. At least in his own office. Donna was nice enough to play along but for the most part, from day one he knew he was just the name on the door and the man with the medical degree.

Most of the patients he saw in his office wee people dealing with head trauma. What humans did not get about helmets he would never understand.

His very first patient was a five year old, lone survivor of a vicious head on collision.

It gave him pleasure to be able to find alternatives to the "let's crack her open and see what's what' methodology

It also got him into a lot of trouble, first when he did, then worst when it actually worked.

She left his care still paralyzed on one side of her body but with full faculty and use of her mind.

It was far more than the other useless doctors had projected.

Jamie smiled at the idiots, what was it to him? AS long as he was saving lives he really didn't care.

"You must be practicing some sort of voodoo back there, Egg" Donna smirked.

Jamie accustomed to Donna's humor decided to play along. "I do." He nodded seriously. "It's all it the wrist really, A blood sacrifice here, a few pins stuck in just the right doll there and voila! Instant healed."

Donna didn't believe him for a second, but he decided to really get her goat. "In fact, there are small animal entrails in exam room four that I need you to clean up if you don't mind Donna." He deadpanned.

Donna stared at him as if he had grown a second head. "You Are Weird." She surmised before turning back to her typing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He finally had had enough of her midnight visits. On the night before he was to officially hang out his shingle, Rose had shown up at his door, no pretense of anything more than just comfortably safe sex.

When she leaned into him, he gently and firmly pulled away from her.

Rose was not amused. "What's the matter with you?"

Jamie took her into his arms and hugged her. "I can't do this anymore Rose, it's not healthy for either one of us.'

Rose stiffened in his hold, he felt her heart race speed up and he knew this was not going to go the way he had planned. "So, what? That's it then? You're dumping me?"

"Rose, in order for me to dump you. There would have had to be some sort of relationship here. Rose, be honest with yourself, we haven't had anything."

She pulled away from his hug and he could se the tears forming in her eyes. "What so you mean we haven't had anything? All that time, we have been together for two years."

"Rose," he shook his head, "That wasn't me."

Rose fixed upon him a look of absolute horror. It was as if the blinds had been thrown open and she finally saw. Her face crumpled into a mask of utter devastation. "he's never coming back is he?" she cried in think ropy sobs. "He's left me here and he is never coming back for me.."

HE held her as she cried, not mentioning that he too had been abandoned. Rose was neither concerned with how he felt, nor was she inte4redsted in his take on the situation.

But, he wanted her friendship; they shared something that only the two of them could understand. He held her that night as she bawled.

When he awoke in the morning, she was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Morgenstern was an idiot. Really, the man had no imagination and he was perfectly happy to torture his patients in the name of proving himself right.

Which he wasn't, and Jamie made sure to inform him of this at every opportunity. AS now, they stood outside of Morgenstern's office five minutes into a conversation that could turn at any minute. Jamie just knew this man was set to disregard the MRIs on his patient in favor of a particularly nasty surgical maneuver.

He was not going to let that happen.

Right when he was sure the decibel level of the conversation would ratchet beyond career safety, he saw her.

She was hurrying past in her short coat, obviously still in training. He did not get a full view of her face, but he knew that stride anywhere. This woman had brought Shakespeare to his knees.

"Give it up man," Morgenstern shook his head at the obviously distracted doctor. "I've been barking up that tree for months and the only thing I have gotten is hoarse."

Jamie continued to watch her walk, obviously in a hurry to where she was going. "Martha Jones." He smiled before he realized it.

Morgenstern turned and headed off for the stairs. "You are the patron saint of the lost cause Dr. Noble." He through over his shoulder."Go ahead; treat your patient your way when you are done playing doctor send her to a real one, namely me."

Jamie ignored his tirade, but treated his patient his way.

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The second time he saw Martha Jones was while she was on her rounds.

He watched her duck past with the other students. He knew she was in her final months of study here; she had taken a year off to go work in Africa.

Martha Jones, even here she traveled and saved live.

He smiled at her and waved,, she in turn pretended not to notice the gesture and hurried to catch up to her class.

Of course she ignored him; most people at Royal Hope recognized the wacky t shirt wielding Doctor as nutters.

He had worn his Pi shirt today, jeans and a pair of burnt orange Chucks. To most people if it wasn't for the white coat, they would have assumed he was a visitor to the hospital, or even a wayward patient.

Jamie began to feel something inside his singular heart, a cadence of joy at finally seeing something for the first time.

Oh he saw Martha Jones, and so had the Doctor, he never missed her, except when she left.

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The third time was all his doing.

He had made sure to be in the cafeteria 'working' on the third floor

It only took five hours of shifting around papers and playing Tetris on his Ipad.

And bonus points, she was alone.

She waffled around the small area, tray in hand. He smiled at her and waved her over, something about a consult on a set of films he had just got. He needed a fresh eye

He knew this Martha wasn't too different from the other one. Any chance to help and she would jump at the chance.

But, she hesitated. "I don't really kno." She shrugged apologetically. "I'm still…" She tugged at her short white coat.

"Oh pish posh," he waved and pulled out a seat for her. "What I need is a fesh set of eyes, and from what I hear, you have a pretty good set. For finding things I mean." He grinned trying to cover himself.

She still stood; he could tell she was unsure what to do. He could see the conflict begin to wash from her face as she whipped a glance around the room.

He stood up, took her tray and eased her into the seat. "So,' he began deciding that if he kept talking, she had no way to escape or even complain. "I have these." He displayed a set of Ct images in front of her.

"This is a child," she affirmed upon first glance.

Jamie nodded; he knew he had her now.

They actually spent her entire lunch pouring over the images. He really loved her insights and her take on the case. Jamie realized that he could easily fall in love with her, and he realized he really wanted to have the chance to do so.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I should really get back to my class." She smiled.

Jamie was not ready to let her cart off so easily. "I could really use someone like you in my offices, have you ever considered neurology as a specialty?" he asked seriously.

She smiled and shook her head. "Nope, strictly A and E for me thanks."

"Ah," he nodded. "You enjoy the thrill of the pressure and all that."

Martha stood and began to gather her things. "Yeah, something like that. It was nice to meet you Dr. Noble.'

He handed her his card. "If you change your mind.' He smiled.

She nodded and left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The rumor mill at Royal Hope hospital was more effective than CNN. By the time Jamie returned to his office, Donna accosted him. "D'ja have a nice dinner then?" she asked with a smirk.

Jamie sorted through his mail and messages as he attempted to ignore her.

"Cause Sheryl called me, wanted to know what the hospital's weirdest doctor was doing hanging out in the cafeteria all day." Donna, hands on hips, accused.

Jamie's shrug did nothing to dispel any further commentary; his silence seemed to be an admission of guilt.

"So I says to Sheryl 'I have no idea why Egg would be hanging out in the cafeteria, especially since he usually eats in his office, alone.'"

Another shrug, it wasn't that he wanted to deny anything, and neither could he.

"Well! Imagine my surprise when she goes on about a nice little meeting with a future doctor, still in her short coat even!" Donna grinned mischievously. "And, get this Egg! There was no shouting! When I learned that you had a meeting with someone that did not result in bodily harm or a trip to the nick, well I wanted to see if the pod people had been about."

Sighing, Jamie took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, a gesture he was coming accustomed to in his conversations with his red headed office manager. "Donna…"

She ignored his warning and pressed on. "So, you _do_ have a heart in there somewhere? I was beginning to think you were all brain straight down to the feet Egg." She grinned. "She is a pretty one too, and smart. I hear she is in the top of her class Egg, you might want to look into that."

"I am getting a headache Donna, do we have any Tylenol?"

Donna laughed and slapped him on the back. Hard. "Nah, it's not a headache." She insisted, "Its just the love bug, you get bit and there are always repercussions." A serious look passed her pale features. "But I hear she is a little standoffish, yeah? How did you get her to sit with you for an hour like that?"

Jamie smiled as he turned toward his office. "Oh, you know" he grinned. "I just turned on the old Noble charms…"

"I told you we aint related Egg, it's not funny!"


	5. Chapter 5

Admittedly, he had been warned.

They had told him not to expect too much from the whole thing, but as a man who had been born in war and fire, lost everything, and found himself all over again, Jamie could not help but push to get what he wanted.

He wanted Martha Jones.

For three months he sat in that cafeteria waiting for her. They would spend her lunch hour talking about everything and nothing. He loved to make her smile simply because he loved to watch the small dimple come upon her face like the seven moon of Xertia; you had to be looking for it to see it.

She was like a timid deer in a forest; behind her eyes was also some great loss and it tore Jamie up to realize that this Martha had had to deal with any sort of pain other than her parents divorcing.

Which they did here also, and just as nasty a breakup. But it was Francine who had left Clive for a much younger man. Jamie had to bite the side of his mouth to keep from smiling when she told him. He also had to stop himself from remarking 'good for her!'

Martha would come in every day at 11:56, always a creature of habit his Martha.

His Martha?

After a week he would have her lunch waiting for her. In fact, it was how he got her phone number. "Completely innocuous really, but since we take lunch at the same time, if I could call and see what you wanted I could give you more time to eat."

She seemed to contemplate it before whipping out her phone and asking for his number for a mutual trade.

It was the only in he needed. Like an encyclopedia salesman sticking his foot in the housewife's door, he had his golden chance. He knew there was something lurking behind those eyes, some sadness she was not ready to share, but Jamie Noble was anything if not patent.

But every day she called her order in, and every day he was waiting for her in 'their' spot. Jamie had an inkling she was starting to have feelings for him as well, mostly because she kept coming to the cafeteria and the lunches weren't free (she insisted upon paying him back for each and every one, he even had to show her the receipt so she could make sure he wasn't trying anything). He hoped she was, because after three months, he felt ready to ask her out, to share a meal that was not prepared in the hospital cafeteria.

Jamie wanted to ask a little advice first.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I just think you should examine if this is really a good time to be getting involved with anyone right now. " Oliver pushed his pen across the yellow pad of paper as they sat in his office as they did every Friday afternoon.

Jamie wondered if he should let him know that he could read upside down. There was no way he was going to let some twerp in a crew cut talk him out of anything with Martha. He was in a really good position with her finally. "It's just a standing lunch date Oliver, it's not like we are planning a June wedding or anything."

Oliver nodded "I just think that with everything you have been through in the last six months.."

Six months? Jamie wondered silently, had he really been here on his own for six months?

"…all I am asking" Jamie tuned back into the psychologist's spiel "is that you take it slow all right?"

Slow if he went any slower with Martha, he could hope they would have their first child sometime when she turned seventy.

But, to get out of the office and keep Jackie's hand off his cheek, he nodded and smiled. The man was only trying to help. Oliver himself was from the other side; he shared with Jamie the struggle he had gone through to find his way here as well. Oliver once worked with the Fringe division over in America. He got stuck here after a one off trip.

Jamie admitted he had never heard of the operation, Oliver smiled and said he was surprised with all of his 'travels' (yes he even used the quotation fingers. Olivier was huge on reinforcing Jamie's separation of himself from the Doctor, so whenever one of Jamie's memories transverse to the Doctor's, Oliver made sure that he told the story in third person.)

Oliver asked if he wanted to pursue a relationship with Martha because he was lonely or out of some need to correct something that he felt the Doctor did wrong.

"Isn't that why anyone seeks out human companionship Oliver? Out of a sense of loneliness, feeling as if there is something missing in your life?"

Oliver nodded again, he had a habit of that, and Jamie knew he used it as a means to encourage him. "True Facts. But, I am concerned that this relationship could be another trigger for another brain storm." That's what they were calling them, brain storms. It was a nice name and reminded Jamie of an old movie with Natalie Wood.

"It won't Oliver!" Part of their therapy involved Jamie's temper, the Donna side of his family was bad enough, but when the Oncoming Storm reared its ugly head, well.

Oliver raised his hands in mock surrender and reminded Jamie of both his counting exercises and his journaling. "I don't want to have to give you one of those anger management dolls." He offered. "But if we hit a road block, it's something we may have to explore." Oliver smiled and reassured him that they were on the right path to health.

Jamie promised he would take things slowly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You mean you have been having lunch with her for three months and you haven't done anything?"

Donna had such a way with words.

She fixed w=him with the typical What's Wrong With You look before continuing her tirade. "If I were her, I woulda clobbered you over the head by now. I swear it's a testament to that woman's strength and intelligence that she has put up with you for.." Jamie watched as Donna did the math in her head, and giggled silently as she incorporated her long fingers into the computations.

"56 lunches!" Donna announced proud of herself. "You have been bothering this girl for 56 hours? Someone needs to first examine this girl's head and then see if she knows how to get a restraining order. Or maybe she just thinks you're gay."

"Be nice Donna, I may be very serious about her." Jamie warned.

"Huh," Donna huffed, "I am sure that will come as a surprise to her Egg. Why don't you just club her over the head and drag her back to your cave or spaceship or whatever it is you sleep in at night."

Jamie felt that headache dancing in the back of his head again "Donna! I just wanted to know what you thought was a good place for a dine out?" he was rubbing his temples again.

"Oh is that all?" Donna smiled. "Well there is this nice place over in Chiswick. It's a curry.."

"No curry!" Jamie nearly yelled.

"You allergic?" she asked with genuine concern. "Curry makes me sick to my stomach but its good so I take along some antacids, fixes me right up!' she smiled.

"Not that I know of." But this set Jamie into a train of thought. "Is there anything you're allergic to Donna?" he asked as if in passing, but he began to realize that this was a good opportunity to get some medical history for himself.

"Oh not really ," she waved away."But there are a lot of things I won't eat so I can't say for sure if I am or I aint."

"So, a restaurant?" he asked.

Donna gave him the name of a really nice place that served Italian. "Thanks Donna," he offered honestly, leaned over and gave her a hug.

"OI! She complained, but returned the gesture in earnest. "You do that again and I will have you up on sexual harassment!" she wagged at him. "And don't think I won't, be nice to stay home with me feet up watching _Eastenders_ all day!"

"You would go mad in one week," Jamie countered.

"Still," Donna insisted turning back to her work. "You ought to try that on that nice young lady you keep ga ga'ing over. Maybe it'll convince her you aint gay. Maybe she wouldn't mind hugging a twig. Good thing she got a little meat on her, can't imagine you going at it with someone as skinny as—"

"Donna!" Jamie moaned.

"What?" she smirked innocently "All those bones rubbing up against each other, someone is libel to start a fire that way. I am only thinking of your safety Egg."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Can we just keep this between us?" he pleaded of the man who had become a makeshift father to him.

Pete understood his need for discretion and nodded his agreement. "So, you really like this girl eh?" he asked with a loopy grin and an elbow nudge. "She pretty?"

Jamie grinned back and he realized just talking about Martha made him happier. "Yeah, but she is smart too. Doesn't just believe whatever I say. She thinks for herself Pete. I really don't know how to take things to the next level. She is sort of…it just seems like she has had a lot of hurt in her life. " he admitted.

Pete finished off his Guinness and ordered another round for them. Jamie found he liked hanging out in the pub with Pete, whether there was a match on or not. He liked the fatherly feel he got with Pete around. It was hard for him to go by the house, and somehow both he and Jackie understood. "Well, son the best thing to do is to just ask her. If you have been eating together for this long, some folks would say you have been dating."

Jamie had the distinct impression that Pete wanted to tussle his hair. He wished he had. The gesture of touch is something he longed for, but there was this invisible barrier between him and the rest of humanity. Perhaps that was something to bring up with Oliver on Friday.

He did not know how to touch or be touched. He wanted to learn and he began to think it was not fair to have Martha be his guinea pig. He wanted her to be so much more than that.

As he stood outside the bar with Pete hailing cabs, Jamie decided to implement a new part of his existence.

He leaned over and hugged Pete. To know surprise, Pete hugged back.

Jamie decided he would write something new on his whiteboard.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day when Martha came to sit with him he could not keep the smile from his face.

"What are you on about?" she asked diving into her shepherd's pie.

Jamie dug into her lunch with his own fork. She made a motion to stab him for it. "I know a secret." He started.

"Oh, Really? I was wondering if you would ever have any juicy gossip. I always share with you so spill!"

Jamie leaned in as if this was strictly confidential information. "There are other places to eat aside from the hospital cafeteria." He whispered conspiratorially.

He watched as a shadow covered over her smile. Dimples first He was just about ready to kick himself when she spoke.

"Really?" a faint smile played around her mouth, and for an instant, Jamie saw the clouds roll back from her face. "What are these things rest-au-rant that you speak of?"

"Well,' Jamie sat back and began to speak with his usual mania. "Apparently, you can go to these places and they have cloths on the tables, plates that are not recyclable, and a nice person actually brings your food to you."

"Well," she smiled "I have you already for that last bit. But the rest does sound nice. Tell me more, what kind of food can be found there?"

Jamie was reinvigorated at her interest. "Ph, well that is the plumb thing." He nodded as if imparting some great and sage wisdom. "They have places with different kinds of food."

"So, do you think we should research this phenomenon up close?" she hedged.

"Absolutely Ms. Jones. Absolutely." Jamie smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to all for reviewing this story. the only reason i keep updating so much is that i am honestly enjoying writing this and i want to take advantage of the streak while i can. To all of you who are kind enough to review thanks.**

"This is nice." She offered with a sincere glance around at the Tuscan decorations of the restaurant.

He'd been on pins and needles for a week, changed his shirt three times (he had finally settled on a shirt that guaranteed Fibonacci was as easy as 1,1,2,3) There was no real instilled dress code, and Jamie would have had a hard time following one if there had been.

He just wasn't the fancy type.

Had he not been head over heels for the elegant woman already, her attire for their date would have definitely sealed the deal in ink.

She usually dressed up for work, but as he sat in the booth by the back that they had agreed to meet at, Jamie watched her walk toward him and nearly lost his shit.

It was perfect.

She wore nice jeans and a nice top, nothing fancy or overdone. Martha smiled at his choice of shirt and they spent the time waiting on the meal seeing who could count the sequence highest.(he could of course, but he was really impressed with how high she got without a calculator, or a four lobed brain for that matter.)

When the food came, they settled into the same sort of conversation they had always frequented at their lunches. She even allowed him to steal half her dinner and in return, he ordered one dessert and pretended not to notice how much was gone when he came back from the restroom.

He didn't want the night to end so quickly, so after they paid the check he proposed a walk, to which she both agreed and seemed honestly happy to do.

Late fall in London is typically the practice test for winter. But, late October found a mild day for two people to spend an evening without madly shivering and running for cover. The two lovers walked perilously through the twilight streets of the London suburb, each taking comfort in the cessation of the abhorrent loneliness that they had both felt.

Inspiration, and a pretty fragrant enticement of Pumpkin spice lead them to a bench in a gazebo at the center of the park. Spiced large coffees in hand, they each settled in, and Jamie knew this was the moment for truths.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So I spent a gap year helping to build a village into a town." Martha answered his question about her missing year.

"So you were in Africa during the Cyberman thing?"

Martha nodded, not meeting his eyes. "Yeah, I was-" her voice made an audible crack and she tried to smile through it. "I was engaged while I was in Africa. Met him there. His m=name was Tom, Tom Milligan. He was already a doctor a brilliant, fantastic doctor.'

Jamie could hear the pride in her voice, but also the pain as she spoke. He reached out and rubbed her back for comfort. Any concerns for retribution of this action were quelled at her physical inclination into his touch.

"When I first got to Africa, I jumped at everything. I think initially I ran off for what I thought would be a vacation, and my parents' marriage was starting to go south, so I figured this was a good chance to bail. The reality of third world Africa was far more than what I had bargained for."

"One night I was siiting in the little hut we had for a cantina. It also doubled as the mess and central offices. He found me huddled on the bench, trembling over a cup of tepid tea."

"Something scare you?" Jamie asked in a low voice, afraid of breaking her concentration

Martha merely shook her head and went on. "No nothing like that, well nothing physical anyway. I'd had a hard time sleeping from the time I got there, terrified I would make a mistake or they would find out that I really was no good at anything. You know, regular fear. Plus, and please do not judge me on this," she warned with a pleading glance into his eyes. "I had never seen poverty in that way before Jamie. I had never known that people could live like that."

Jamie did understand, it was a sort of survivor's guilt. He imagined she had witnessed something that he knew so well. Well, that the Doctor knew well, but here is was in Martha, that feeling of 'what makes me so special that I have it easier than everyone else.'

"Anyway, he slid next to me, replaced the lukewarm tea in my hand with a cup of coffee spiked with something that took the edge off.'

"They call it brandy,' Jamie offered with a grin.

Martha smiled back, an honest to god there go the dimples smile. "Yeah. Loosened my lips enough for me to talk too. We sat up all night that first night, I talked, and he listened and nodded at the right spots. You are good with that too you know."

"I'm really not' Jamie contested. "But thank you for that."

"So the next morning when I found coherence again, he went on as if there was nothing that happened. I thought he would send me home after all the things I admitted to. Instead, he piled on the work and responsibility. When I tried to ask him about it, or protest he said. 'Bend or Break Martha. You are either gonna do one or the other.'"

"You bent."

"Like a politician after election day." Martha smiled. "And I'll be damned if it didn't make me stronger." She shook her head as if trying to dispel the memory.

Jamie wondered if she felt guilty for feeling happiness at all. Still, she seemed willing to talk, and he continued to rub her back in slow figure eights.

Eternity.

"We got engaged after six months working together. My mother was both happy and appalled."

"She didn't slap him did she?" Jamie asked with a faint cringe at the memory of being on the wrong side of Francine Jones' ire.

"You must have met my mother at some point.' She giggled. "I brought him home for Christmas, I thought I would have to go stay at Tish's for the duration. But she apologized, blamed her temper on the stress of going through a messy divorce and the prospect of having to pay my father alimony.'

"No!' he laughed at the idea.

Martha nodded and went silent for a while. "You're not going to ask are you?" she looked into his chocolate brown eyes and found sadness.

"It's your story to tell Martha, if you want to that is. I don't want to push, but I find myself wanting to know everything about you. If you don't want to talk about fine. I can tell you some stories, but I fear most of them will have you running the other way and petitioning for me to be sectioned." He smiled sadly.

"You sure about that one huh mister?" she poked at his side. "I have heard some pretty wild things about you.'

"Oh really?" he asked, his turn to be perplexed. "I suppose it's all bad, especially if you have been talking to my mo-manager. Office manager." He covered.

"Oh I don't talk to her much, Egg." She grinned at his perceptible flinch at the nick name. "Why does she call you that anyway?"

"Why does Donna do any of the things she does?" he shrugged.

He was not sure if it was intentional or accidental that she leaned back into his arms. He wanted to think she was starting to get comfortable around him. But, the temperature _was_ finally starting to feel like October. "Are you two related or something?" she asked absently.

Jamie sighed. "Or something. And no she is not my ex wife or anything nefarious like that. Well, I suppose that depends on your definition of nefarious doesn't it?" He had begun that manic speech pattern thing; He noticed that he did that when nervous.

It was Martha's turn to rub his back; she brought her arm around his waist under his jacket and traced small figure eights upon his lower back.

Eternity.

"It's ok Jamie. We all have our matched luggage, plenty of time to get to unpack each other's bags," she hesitated, "right?"

It was a question, a request, a plea and an answer all together.

HE turned into her face and placed a soft kiss upon her lips.

Eternity, he offered.

Eternity her eyes accepted.


	7. Chapter 7

They stood in the doorway of her flat, neither one sure how their feet managed to take them there. Jamie knew it was her home because the Doctor had memories of this place, though admittedly he had seen it blown to holy hell.

Here, it was still intact.

In the end it was the cold that drove them from their comfortable place. (A rundown gazebo in a park that was almost exactly halfway between their homes, Jamie would forever call it 'their' spot.)

He reached for her hand with a gentle nudge, and she grabbed his and held on for dear life, her slim fingers wiggled in his palm.

"You wanna come up for coffee?" she asked.

Jamie took a longing look upstairs, then turned to face the diminutive woman in front of him. As he stared at her, a zeppelin roared past them loud enough to strangle and conversation they may have.

"I really want to." He began tugging at her hand to bring her closer to him. "Which is why I am going to decline...for now.' He smiled tugging her into his arms and placing small kisses along her forehead; kisses that seemed to multiply with intensity as he trailed toward her lips.

Martha moaned softly, nearly inaudibly. "You keep that up,' she breathed "And it won't be a choice."

He smiled and brought her hands to his lips. "I want this Martha." He confessed. "But I want this the right way, do you understand?" he whimpered into her ear.

She nodded, but he could feel the heat rolling off of her. "Does this mean another three months of clinical lunches?" she asked only half joking.

"Clinical?" he guffawed. "Oh Martha Jones I do like you!"

Smiling back in earnest now, she stood on her tip toes and kissed him on the lips quickly efore running p the stairs to her flat.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Morgenstern, you incompetent idiot what the hell did you do to my patient?"

Jamie barged into the office of the Chief of Surgery, the man had balls, Jamie would give him that.

Morgenstern sat at his desk, feet raised and a smug look painted across his face. "Dr. Noble. Nice to see you too." He smirked.

Jamie could see an anger management doll in his future. "What the fuck did you do Edward Brooks?" he stormed. "He was scheduled for images and scans. How the hell did he end up on your operating table last night?" Jamie raged.

Morgenstern rose from his seat and pointed a finger at the younger man. "Now just you wait a minute. This is about helping patients, not whose patient belongs to whom. Get your ego out of this Doctor. Brooks took a turn for the worst last night while you were…out."

"He was in stable condition!" Jamie felt the storm rising in him, felt the anger rising like a physical thing inside of him.

"Well, _my _records say different Doctor Noble."

Jamie had often heard of the phenomena of seeing red, but this was the first time where his anger actually tinted everything a distinctly red hue. "Morgenstern you had absolutely no right! He is my patient, why was I not called in?"

"You were busy last night weren't you?" Morgenstern smirked.

Realization hit Jamie full force. "Is that what this is about?" he asked in that same all too mellow tone. His fists clenched in his jacket pocket, and Jamie worked his anger management steps.

Morgenstern fixed a glare upon his face and moved in closer. "If you want to be a good doctor Jamie, there are a few things you need to learn. The most important is that you should be careful about mowing lawns that are not in your yard."

Jamie had never wanted to hit someone so bad in his entire life, (which was admittedly short) In fact had it not been for the memories he held of the Doctor, he would have completely given over to his baser inner Donna.

He glared at the idiot in front of him, speaking in a very calm even tone. "You get one warning Morgenstern. You'd better hope that my patient doesn't suffer any adverse affects from your rant or so help me—"

"Are you threatening me?"

Jamie returned the accusation with a glare and another warning. "

The sound of their arguing had reached others in the suite of offices

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Pete was in the chairs in the waiting in chairs when he fumed into his office. In his ire, Jamie walked right past him.

"Jamie" Pete put a hand on the doctor's shoulder to get his attention, and was just in time to duck the blind punch. "Whoa!, you all right?"

Jamie stared at his fist in horror, not sure how he managed to direct his anger at someone else. Thankfully it was Pete, but Jamie could not help wonder what would have happened if it had been Donna, or one of his patients. Jamie collapsed onto a chair and held his head in his hands. "I'm so—"

Pete knelt beside him. "Hey, Jamie, why don't we go grab a drink and you can tell me what's going on. " Pete offered.

Jamie looked at Pete in horror. "You're going to tell on me aren't you?" he asked in absolute horror. "You are going to go back to Oliver about this."

Rather than answer, Pete led Jamie into his own office and shut the door. "Jamie, I am only worried about you. I come here to invite you to Christmas dinner and you very nearly cold cocked me. Now, if you can give me a plausibly good reason why this is not a call for alarm, I am all for discretion."

Jamie had not wanted to talk to Pete about anything. After last night, he had hoped to invite Pete out for another beer so he could brag about how well his date went the night before. Now, it was a situation of Jamie fighting for his right for independence.

But in the end, he told, Jamie figured the only thing that he could do was to tell the truth.

Pete listened, the entire conversation ended with Jamie having a good cry as Pete hugged him. There was no sadness in the tears. It was a purely emotional response to a purely emotional event. Pete seemed to understand that Jamie was still learning appropriate responses to certain emotions. Pete once told Jamie he was like a set of spark plugs misfiring, or a badly wired car. Turn on the radio and the horn wailed, turn on the window wipers, and the hazards go.

Jamie cried for what felt like hours, but in reality was only sixteen minutes.

Sixteen minutes of gut wrenching, soul cleansing tears. He did not just cry about the incident today.

He cried for the abandonment he felt at the hands of his 'father.'

He cried because he missed the TARDIS.

He cried because in was Monday.

He cried for the loss of his own universe, stuck somewhere in a prison he did not choose.

He cried because he had no choice.

He cried because he felt powerless in his own life.

He cried because there was no one like him, anywhere.

He cried for the memories he didn't want.

He cried for the memories he did.

And at the end of it all, Pete ruffled his hair and asked if he thought it would be a good idea to call Oliver and maybe get another set of ears to listen to him.

Jamie agreed, but first he called Martha.


	8. Chapter 8

**there has been so many kind words about this little fic that i just wanted to again say thank you**

**I wanted to take this space her also to admit to a few inspirations and obsessions/ this fic has been sort of inspired by both Stephen King's novel "Lisey's Story" and Ryan Adams "When the Stars Go Blue." Cant tell you how many times i have played that song while i am writing. **

**read Lisey's Story, and if you are not in tears halfway through then you have no soul.**

**And on with the show**

The woman was in the wrong line of work.

She talked to him the entire time Pet called, arranged and got him to Oliver's office. She never asked what was wrong; she never nudged him for more than what he wanted to share.

She simply talked to him about her day, and about her life. Jamie knew she had to know something, either the rumor mill (CNN) at the hospital had told her of a shouting match in Morgenstern's office, or she heard something in his voice.

Either way, her voice never broke cadence, never nagged, never accused.

Oliver was his normal over cautious self. He fretted and preened about how the date yesterday may have been that sensory overload thing that he had warned about. "You have a form of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome Jamie, not to mention all the other issues swimming around you." Oliver summed up his life and folded his arms in a show of strength.

But Jamie was neither intimidated nor fooled. He was not going to let good intentions pull him from the one good thing he clung too. Memories of the Doctor hiding behind a mighty mask, a pinched closet of well held emotions that Jamie was not going to let happen to him, he was going to learn from his 'father's' mistakes.

"This has nothing to do with what happened to say Oliver, everyone has bad days." He intoned

Oliver did that nod thing again, only this time it was jerky, almost too adamant in his movements. "That is definitely true facts Jamie, but not everyone reacts like you did."

Jamie threw himself from his calm repose in the chair, hard enough to send the chair flying across the room. His respect for the kid in the crew cut only went up when Jamie noticed he did not even flinch. Instead of the tirade that he had planned, Jamie paced the long narrow office as a tiger in a cage. He was counting audibly, trying to keep his anger from rising in his throat. "what the fuck do you know about anger? What the fuck do you know about being removed from anything and everything that you have ever known or cared about? Do you know what I did to my own people?"

Oliver wisely stayed quiet as Jamie continued his rage. "I murdered everyone and everything. I killed my family and the families of a billion others. I irradiated my own race! Do you know what that feels like? And you sit there writing in your fucking pad about what I feel, or should feel or should act upon." Jamie stopped his made pacing and advanced upon the younger man seated upon the desk. "I killed my own people."

"That wasn't you Jamie. And no matter what this Morgenstern has done behind your back in the name of medicine, or revenge or whatever. I know you are incapable of hurting anyone."

Jamie wasn't sure if her was stating facts, or simply trying to keep him from actually hurting Morgenstern, an idea that, like a fine wine, had grown sweeter with age.

"The Doctor did horrible, unspeakable things, but that was not you Jamie."

Jamie eased backwards, no longer feeling the need to scare his psychologist. He thrust his hands back into his pockets and sighed. "No," he shook his head, hands grabbing each temple. "I was there. I WAS THERE."

Oliver shook his head, "Jamie, the Doctor was there, you just carry around the memories of it." He hopped off of the desk and advanced upon Jamie. "How would the Doctor have handled Morgenstern today?"

Jamie fired a hard look at Oliver, and yet the man persisted. "You have told me time and again stories about the Doctor, his vindictiveness and vengeful behavior. So I want you to tell me, how would the Doctor would have handled what happened today?"

"He would have gotten revenge." Jamie nearly growled, still rubbing his temples. "he would have turned Morgenstern's world upside down."

Oliver did that nod thing again that was quickly becoming one of Jamie's not so favorite things in the world. "Now I want you to think about how you felt standing there as Morgenstern said those things to you today. Imagine how you felt; remember what the anger and rage felt like. You wanted to hit him,"

"Yes," Jamie nodded with an eerie calm

"You took a swing at Pete." Oliver added.

"Not intentionally." Jamie insisted.

Oliver again nodded jerkily. "Do you recall the Doctor ever hitting anyone from only a fe words of provocation?"

Jamie fell silent, replaying the hatred and anger. "No " he squeaked realizing the point that Oliver wanted to make, "I am not him."

Oliver nodded. "Now that we have established that one, we need to address the situation about Martha."

Jamie's eyes again flashed in anger, and Oliver held up his hands in mock surrender. "I am not saying that I am going to recommend you end it with her Jamie, but we do have to establish some parameters with this relationship."

"I'm taking it slow."

"How much does she know Jamie?" he asked bluntly.

"Almost nothing." He admitted with a deep regretful sigh.

Jamie hoped his stupid head would pop off of its self righteous perch with the next judgmental bob. "Do you love her?" Oliver asked.

"Yes I know," Jamie blew out. "I love her enough to tell her, yes Oliver ok? " he both wanted to tell and wanted to pretend the whole damn thing never happened, that he grew up somewhere in Kent with a Mum and Dad who fought but at the very heart loved each other. He wanted a family he could take her to meet and be alternately proud of her and embarrassed of them.

But this was his life, and wishing only worked in the proximity of wells and four leaf clovers.

Oliver wished him luck and reminded him of their regular appointment on Friday.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You got visitors." Donna smirked hooking a thumb toward his office. She had informed him of this after letting him know that she had rescheduled all of his morning patients for that afternoon.

After lunch.

"A patient?" he asked wrapping his stethoscope around his neck and patting his pockets in search of his sonic. "I am heading for the cafeteria after this Donna, so if anyone calls…"

Donna was uncharacteristically mum on the whole subject, when he opened the door to his office, he learned why she had been so hush hush.

She had set up in his office, shyly waiting for him, Jamie could see that she was not sure if it was inappropriate or not, having only been on one date. He hoped his expression dispelled any of her fears.

"Hi" he smiled holding out his arms for her.

"Hi," she slid into him like a pair of old soft loafers. "It sounded like you were having a bad day earlier, so…" she made a sweeping gesture towards the plates on his rearranged desk.

"he grinned down at her and gently swayed her back and forth. "You, are a miracle Miss Jones."

"Well, you know I do try Dr. Noble. But this is all a part of my plan."

"Oh, really?" they moved to sit at his desk, "Do tell."

"Well, my graduation is coming up and.."

"All of this for a letter of recommendation? Miss Jones I am hurt1 and a little cheapened." Just talking to her was erasing all the bad from earlier. Her existence in his life was like a balm to his soul.

She playfully shoved him and giggled. "So will you come? The good side in there will be lots of ale and food. But, you have to meet my parents so wear Kevlar."

He leaned over and kissed her peanut butter flavored mouth. Another annotation for the white board, just when he thought he could not love peanut butter more than he already did. Note to self, only eat it off of Martha's lips."Oh I will be there Miss Jones, and I will wear Kevlar, but I will not be an immobile target for your mother's wayward ire." He smiled and popped a strawberry into his mouth.

She was giggling at his words, and talking, but the entire room began to fade to gray and the walls started melting.

The last thing he remembered was the sound of a baby crying, or maybe it was a Curthuliam Banshee, or a wailing Llorna.


	9. Chapter 9

**After a small bout with writer's block, suppressed by a rereading of Stephen King's On Writing, i am back at the pen**

**Thanks Mr. king**

He awoke to the nearly melodic beeping, and for a hare's breath he thought he was on the TARDIS. But the quiet inside his head and the nasal canula quickly laid that thought (hope?) to bed.

He was in a bed.

The assault of disinfectant reassured him that he was still at work, unfortunately he was not here for a consult.

The attached state of his upper limbs to a vast array of tubes, wires and other various sundry items confirmed his earlier diagnosis.

He was a patient.

"Fuck!" Seemed the appropriate thing to say at the moment.

"Oh, well I don't think that particular job is in the description when I took this job."

Jamie moved his eyes to meet the red head in the chair next to his bed.

"Course,;' she went on with barely concealed relief in her voice. "neither was sitting here playing nurse maid to ya."

Jamie continued to stare at the office manager as if she were speaking in tongues. "Why am I here?" he asked raising his IV'ed hand for effect.

"Well, according to that pretty little almost doctor that saved your life, you had an allergic reaction."

Jamie blinked once, then again as if trying to wipe away cobwebs from his eyes. "What?" he asked her.

Donna nodded for emphasis as she spoke, "One little strawberry and POW!" she slammed her hands together causing Jamie to jump.

"Strawberries?" He hated sounding like an idiot, but he was not sure if any of this was really seeping through to his brain or if he would awake, trod across the floor of his flat and down a glass of water.

"Yup, strawberries. When she hollered out of the door of your office to call a code, I thought she had managed to take you out with a smile on your face—"

"Donna," he groaned, no one, not even half time lord entities wanted to hear their mothers discuss sex in any capacity.

"Oh, like you haven't heard of hit happening before? Big tough doctor you are.' She laughed.

Jamie realized for the first time he was glad to already be in therapy of some sort, he would definitely need it now.

"But nope, didn't even have to cover you up before the medics showed up busting through the office doors like they were on fire."

Just then, a nurse bustled in and smiled at him. "I am glad to see you are awake Dr. Noble, you gave us all quite a scare." She took his vitals and promised to send in the doctor.

"Where is Martha?" he asked both of the women, to which the nurse shrugged and left the room, but Donna seemed to distance herself from the inquiry.

"Donna?" he asked, stern and quiet but dipped in fear.

"She's not here." Donna shook her head. "I think you scared her Egg. After you were taken out of the offices, she lit out down the hall. I think she popped in to make sure you were all right but…"

Suddenly the ceiling cracks were more important than anything else in the room. As he gazed upward, he could feel a hotness run across his face, and the faint scowl of tears lurking in his eyes. "She took off." He commented more than asked.

"I'm sure it was just the whole fear thing, Egg." She soothed rubbing her hand over his. "Some doctors can handle any disaster except one close to the bone."

Jamie nodded but did not agree. He had memories of another Martha, one so brave even the sun did not scare her. Martha was not spooked; she just didn't want to deal with his defections. "Yeah."

"Well, anyways, no strawberries for you anymore. I guess we both won't be skipping through the strawberry fields forever." She grinned.

"You?" Jamie turned away from the ceiling hit with a sudden understanding. "Of course! Why am I not surprised!'

Donna nodded and grinned. "Yeh, I plumb forgot when you asked me, you don't miss anything you have never eaten I suppose."

God Damned Human genetics. Jamie groaned to himself, and stopped short of muttering something about early onset senility.

"Funny how we would have the same allergy, innit?" she grinned.

"Hilarious." He agreed morosely.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

He was released into Pete's care, again. His next of kin eyed him warily from the other side of the Limo as they sped toward Jamie's flat.

"How did you not know you were allergic to strawberries?"

"Pete, I have explained my birth ad nauseum, please don't make me relive the blow by blow details." He shook his head and looked out the window.

"She isn't run off."

Jamie sighed but remained silent.

"Donna told me about Martha. I know this is hard for you mate, but its not what it seems. And," he sighed "If it is, then isn't it better to know now what she is like?"

"No!" Jamie could feel the emotion coming on, he hated his lack of control over his emotions. He wanted to defend her, but he could not find the words. "I don't want to talk about it." Through grated teeth.

Wisely, Pete dropped the subject and dropped his charge off at his apartment.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jamie was forced into a week's vacation, when what he really wanted was to stay busy and not think about Martha. His calls to her went unanswered and his messages ignored.

She wasn't anywhere he called, and none of her fellow students would offer him any information.

She was just gone.

Donna came every day to c heck on him, cook him dinner and pat his head. She made sure he took his antibiotics and tutted his unfortunate cleaning habits.

"You can't keep living like a frat boy." She accused while stepping over the pile of dirty laundry in his bedroom.

"I can and I will, you don't live here so what does it matter to you anyway?"

"Oi Stick Boy! Just because your girlfriend is hiding out don't take it out on me!"

"Right," Jamie nodded, "Have you seen her at all Donna?"

"No,"

"Right."

It was going to be a long week.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He had not heard from her all that week, and Donna made it plain she was in no mood to be his whipping boy. It was in these still moments of absolute sadness that Jamie came to realize both how much in love he was, and how much Martha had hurt him.

Jamie made his rounds, saw his patients, and continued to breathe, but he only went through the motions. Oliver noticed his patient was far from ok, but even his professional prodding could not elicit more than shrug when he asked about Martha.

The subject, while sore had become completely off bounds.

Pete took him out to the pub, but Jamie sat and searched for the bottom of his ales.

Jackie dropped by with a Sheppard's pie and family news, including Tony's new bike and Rose's new boyfriend.

Nothing made Jamie smile, his patients and their families, usually dependent upon Dr. Noble's bright smile and confident outlook, noticed the storm clouds hovering over the good doctor.

The gossip in the hospital had turned to other relationships, Nurse Haddock and an orderly caught in the closet, the receptionist for Dr. Plasien and her mysterious pregnancy. But, underneath, as he walked past in the halls and made his dutiful rounds, there lie the nearly silent undercurrent.

Dr. Noble had been dumped.

From what he could gather, she had asked for and been granted another break in her studies. Dr. Milton, her teacher, offered that yes, Martha was still set to graduate, but had been given leave to complete her exams early and sit for her final practicum ahead of the rest of her class. It was both her near perfect standing in classes as well as her year in Africa that made her leaving possible.

Jamie would have never pegged her for a coward, and he was not sure what to p[lace her as now. All he knew was that he missed her, he loved her, and he needed desperately to find her.

Jamie decided he had a graduation to attend.


	10. Chapter 10

Winter was an odd time for graduation, at least given the common cultural ideals of a beauteous spring day where a hundred or more bright young things don gown and cap and swoon over a piece of parchment.

In truth, there was a lot of shivering, huddling and shaking out of snow in the front foyer of the small auditorium. Jamie stood in the back of the audience, having finagled his way in with his charming 'Oh I am a doctor,' look and his 'Oh I am a doctor,' ID badge.

Some things never changed he grinned to himself.

As the festivities began and the hundred or so bright young things on display this morning made their way across the small stage as each gathered his or her own personal validation of a job well done, he could not help but smile with all the pride in the world when he realized who was top of the albeit small class.

Of course she was top of her class, did he expect for her to be anywhere else.

After her brief spot in the sun, Jamie got his first good look at the family Jones on this side. Not much different, perhaps a little wealthier than the other if that were possible. Jamie noted that Francine had indeed shown up with her near adolescent boy toy, much to the chagrin of the rest of the family.

As the families began to file out of the room with their smiles and obvious pride, Jamie hung around waiting to catch Martha alone/ He was nearly unable to do it but she managed to do a very Martha thing, she had left her diploma upon the chairs her family had occupied, and as her parents began ratcheting up what was sure to be a fine spectacle for the remaining patrons.

He stepped from his perch in one of the ornamental alcoves and very nearly earned a slug for his stealth.

"Hi," he smiled to her surprised but covertly gleeful glare.

"Hi,"

Jamie advanced upon her as a zookeeper upon a wounded deer. "I have missed you.' He offered not able to contain the ever growing smile upon his face. She wasn't running, he thought to himself there was hope still.

Martha began to look around as if trying to find an escape, however happy she seemed to see him, it was becoming clear that while she wasn't running, she clearly had no plans in sticking around to hug it out.

"Why did you leave me?" he asked finally.

"I nearly killed you." She whispered. "I fed you strawberries and you nearly died."

Jamie opened his mouth to answer, but Tish was faster. She ran seemingly out of nowhere to escort her sister . "Martha! What are you doing we are going to be late for the… Oh" Tish smiled giving Jamie a once over that reminded him of the last cupcake in a fat man's kitchen. "Hello,"

Jamie nodded a greeting at Tish, eyes still fixed upon Martha. "I am still here." He wiggled his hand much as the Doctor had to the other Martha as proof of the right hand still being there.

Martha tucked her chin to her chest and made a break for the double doors on the other side of the room. Jamie followed in hot pursuit, if there was one thing he had inherited from the Doctor it was the ability to run at short notice. "Martha," he called as he chased for her. "Just wait a minute!"

Martha turned on him in a dead stop, across the street from her family, out of earshot but still enough to upstage the war of the Joneses. "I can't go through that again Jamie, please. Just go."

Jamie skidded to a stop next to her; he allowed his arm a firm but tenuous grasp upon her arm. "No,"

Martha's eyes pleaded with him as she went on. "I can't do this right now Jamie, please."

"What is it that freaked you out Martha?" he asked still holding her arm and reveling in the fact that she had not forcefully pulled away. Still believing there was hope. "Was it all too fast? Did I miss a sign or something? I am admittedly bad at this sort of thing, but Martha, please tell me what has changed."

Martha finally did remove her arm from his grasp. "I can't stand to watch you die like that Tom."

Jamie was beginning to form a picture, a horrible little drama of something that was not yet unfurled. "Martha," he stammered. "It's me, Jamie."

It was the same look that Rose had offered to him once she realized we was not now nor would he ever be the Doctor. Jamie wondered about his proclivity to be mistaken for another man and if this was a character flaw he should discuss with Oliver.

Martha did not miss a beat; she ran across the street and hauled herself into her sister's car.

It was a tough call, but Jamie was no idiot, he could see a need for space even though it killed him. She wasn't going to be ok if he hovered over her, It was one of the hardest things he had to do, but he knew the only way she would work through all of it if given time.

Jamie poured himself into his work, redoubled his efforts in being a good doctor, even began to coach a team of young football players. Pete slapped him on the back and grinned at his volunteering. Jamie was not impressed at his own actions. While to the outside would have seemed to be a man giving something back to a community, in reality was a man desperately trying to hold on to his sanity.

Donna had begun to date a man from the radiology department. Gregory was an ultrasound tech and while Jamie was happy for her, it drove the knife in deeper as he realized just how much he missed someone to share lunch with.

HE watched Martha from a distance. Her first day as a resident in the A and E made him grin. She took control of each and every situation, stared death in the face and came out laughing. But he still could not understand what her apprehension was. He had surmised that Tom had died, even when she first shared the story he realized there was not a happy ending waiting as the punch line.

But, Jamie was pretty sure there was an element of Post Traumatic Stress involved there too, Jamie wanted to ask Oliver, but nixed the idea when he pictured the psychologist mentioning something along the lines of "I told you not to get involved with anyone." The thing is, it was not that Oliver was right, in fact he felt completely ready for what he wanted with Martha. The problem in this lie completely with the other party, namely Martha herself.

He went out to dinner with Gregory and Donna, pretended to feel normal and played the part of a man who was clearly going to be O K.

But when the conversation turned to hospital gossip, and Jamie began to realize that part of the connection that Donna felt to Gregory had to do with his stint as midday anchor for Royal Hope's gossip chain. In fact, Gregory seemed to be ground zero for all the juicier tidbits of gossip. Even the sizable kick under the table did not hold the man back from explaining the tragically story of Doctor Tom Milligan and the botched emergency appendectomy.

Jamie wanted to press for more, and Donna wanted to order dessert.

"Well," Gregory began as he dug into the second bottle of wine. "The poor guy was in Africa when it happened. Milligan had been running those Doctors without Borders deals for three years. This last one he was on, well he got sick, and you know doctors" Gregory tipped his half empty wine glass at Jamie. "They make for horrible patients, and don't take care of themselves either."

"Don't I know it." Donna added with a knowing nod of her head. "this one has been in the hospital and I still can't get him to see a doctor for his annual unless under threat of death."

"So, what happened?" Jamie asked trying to keep the conversation on task. He could tell Donna knew this story and he made a mental note to talk to her later about trying to protect his feelings.

"Well you know those back water African villages, no medical equipment, and the poor medical student who went with him was on her own." Gregory shook his head in pity. "She had to operate on him with no assistance, and he died from sepsis."

It began to make a horrifying sort of sense to Jamie; Martha was the one who had performed the emergency surgery. Martha had to operate on her own fiancée, and regardless of how good her technique had been Tom had died as a result. No matter what, she would always see it as her fault.

"The autopsy proved the surgery was sound." Gregory admitted sagely. "When the emergency medics got there from four towns over, he was sewn up tight and right as they say. But three days later he was dead."

Donna eyes Jamie cautiously over her wine glass. "You all right Egg?" she asked once Gregory had excused himself for the rest room.

Jamie nodded and patted his mother's hand. "She should not have to deal with all of that alone."

Donna stared into Jamie's eyes and smiled. "Egg, maybe sometimes space is good, but sometimes you need to face things like head on, yeah?"

"Donna, she needs her space. This is bigger than I can deal with.'

"Do you love her Egg?" Jamie had a constant fear that Donna somehow knew her connection to him. Somehow she knew that the bond they shared ran deeper than he could ever admit to her.

Jamie realized that he did, he knew he loved her, and given their last two meetings, he was pretty sure she loved him too. "Yeah, you know, and I am pretty sure its two way Donna."

Donna stood up when Gregory came from the bathroom, she, came around to his chair and hugged him tighter than she would have admitted later. "Go get her you big Dope!" she shouted into his ear.

Who was he to not listen to his mother?


	11. Chapter 11

**This is the part where the writer of this tale makes her usual comments, as if anyone really reads this crappy part in bold. bet you all just storm right past it and on to the story**

**Well i wanted to take the opportunity to both thank all of my faithful readers, hug all of my faithful reviewers (sadhappygirl, nicew and Pheonixwytch, and barbara) even though i dont answer you all individually i just wanted you to know that i really do appreciate the faithful encouragement. **

A policeman would have a field day with him right now. He was camped out at her flat, managed to get into the building and camped at her door. Nothing says I love you like a restraining order.

She showed up around three that morning, barefoot, and carrying her shoes in her hand. She stopped when she found the present on her doorstop. Jamie assumed her anger caused her to drop her shoes and march toward him.

Jamie stood as she came near him. "Martha.." he tried, but was surprised at her reaction.

Martha grabbed his face, pulled it down to her height and kissed him.

By the time she got the door open they were both half naked.

"Martha," he tried between ardent kisses that set him on fire in all the right places.

"Shh," Martha continued to plow his mouth and tear at his clothes. "I want this Jamie, I don't want to wait forever, life is too short."

"Martha," he pleaded again as she mauled his face and chest. "Wait."

"We can't run hot and cold like this, it isn't healthy. You have not talked to me in nearly a month, and I don't want to jump into bed as a means to avoid dealing with unpleasantness."

"I don't want to hold off on life Jamie. The way I feel about you is so scary to me, I want to feel this never and forever all at the same time." She kissed him deep, bringing her hands to his jeans."It really is like falling Jamie," she panted. "The thrill of the fall, the fear of the land."

It was the right thing to remind him of why he had come here to her place. It was just what he needed as a reminder. He pulled himself away from her, albeit painfully. "Martha I came here to talk. I don't think we know enough about each other. I think this would be a good chance to talk."

She stood in front of him panting heavily and staring right into his soul. "I know," she whispered. "But I am afraid that once you know the truth, you'll-"

Jamie uttered a deep hearty laugh at her "Martha," he offered shaking his head at her "the only person here who is going to run is you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They sat at her small kitchen table; Martha had produced both hot tea and half a box of chocolate biscuits. Though they were his favorite, he found he could only break them into pieces and play with the halves.

For her part, Martha merely sipped her tea and watched her not quite lover but so much more than boyfriend play with his food. "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food."

Jamie flinched as if slapped. "See this is part of what we need to talk about." He nodded. "We know so much about each other, and so little at the same time."

"Is this Quizmania? Because all you have done is break cookies and talk in riddles."

"I don't mean to Martha." he sighed and moved the evidence of his nervousness into the nearby waste basket. It was now, never, or lose Martha entirely

Jamie decided to spill his guts.

He told her about the Doctor, about a life he once lived, though never really did. He told her everything he could think to tell her. He left much out, but the things he did, he was not so sure she would believe.

"So," she began an hour or so later when Jamie decided to wrap up at least most of it. "You want me to believe that not only are you from another universe. Which, ok I can believe. I can even believe the whole weird birth thing. But an alien? Really Jamie?" she offered him folded arms and a look of utter horror. "What does your therapist have to say about all of this."

Jamie smiled, he knew she was tough. "I can prove the alien thing. I have something in my pocket that-" he had begun to fish around in his pockets, making odd little scoots in his chair.

Martha held up a hand. "Don't tell me you are going to give me an anal probe and the instrument is in your pants." She smirked.

Jamie was completely thrown by her humor, he laughed hard enough to land him in a heap by the kitchen chair. "Found it!" he giggled triumphantly having landed on it in the fall.

"What the hell is that?" Martha pointed at the long silver tube in Jamie's hand. "Is that your alien probe?"

"Oi Miss Difficult I will have you know this is a complex piece of Gall-" Jamie's mouth clomped shut as if someone had flipped the switch. "Come to think of it, this is an alien probe." He smiled. "Here, hold it for a tick willya." He handed her the screwdriver and hauled himself off of the floor.

Martha held the sonic between her thumb and forefinger as if it were a bomb ready to detonate. "What the hell are you looking for?"

Jamie continued to rifle through her kitchen drawers until he found what he was looking for. Rolling up his sleeve and grinning madly, Jamie picked up the knife and sliced his arm deeply.

Martha leapt from the chair, Jamie, had moved so fast she hardly had time to process what he had done, let alone stop him from doing it. "Jamie?" she screamed leaping over the kitchen table to his side.

Jamie halted her interruption with a command. "Point it at my arm, I already put it to the right setting." He pointed at the screwdriver that Martha had seemingly forgot that she was holding.

Martha looked at his arm as the blood began to pool onto the tea towel. Jamie's face had become ashen gray and Martha was sure he was going to need more than stitches and a visit to his therapist. She was sure he would need a blood transfusion. "Jamie, you are scaring the hell out of me." She whimpered.

He nodded, "I know, but I did this one, ok?" he insisted, pulling her hand toward his arm. "You can save me this time Martha. Just like you did with the strawberries." He smiled and nudged her to the right position. "Now hit that button there and aim along the cut."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Martha sat staring at the tip of the sonic screwdriver. Periodically she stared at the man vigorously cleaning his blood from her kitchen surfaces. "You have got to be shitting me." She murmured for about the tenth time in the hour since she had fixed Jamie's arm.

"Nope,' he smiled as he finished off the last of the stains and set the kettle on for tea. "No shit involved here." He grinned coming behind her. "Now are you starting to believe?" he was asking about his story, but in the back, in the far reaches of the conversation, Jamie had began to realize that he was also trying to give her something back, some thing she had lost in Africa.

"You built this?" Martha asked pointing the sonic at him.

Jamie gently moved the sonic away from aiming at him. "Yes. The one the Doctor built-"

"Your father." Martha nodded.

"Right," Jamie admitted, "the one he built did not have all the medical parts to it. I have sort of tweaked it." He placed a steaming cup of tea in front of her and slid a plate of cheese and crackers next to it. He was becoming far too comfortable in her kitchen and Jamie found himself hoping for the chance to become more familiar with the entire apartment.

"So you really are an alien?" She asked, and Jamie smiled at the memory.

"Wee-ll," he elongated. "More of a hybrid actually." He grinned. "The Donna part of me is sort of the angry one."

"So does she know she's your mum?" Martha asked fiddling with the settings on the sonic.

He finally took the thing away from her, purely in the interest of his safety. "She is not really my Mum Martha. My Mum is on the other side, but no, she does not realize our connection. And I don't think she would really believe it anyway. "

"You miss her, I mean your Donna."

"I did, and in a lot of ways I still do. Donna and the Doctor were very close, she was so much more than she gave herself credit for. My Donna, the one here, she is so muvh the same, and in some small ways different. But yes, it is great having her near me. She pretty much has a job for life, but don't tell her that, I would like to pretend that I have some control over my own office. If she gets wind that I would never fire her she is likely to take over. "

"Right, of course, need to maintain that firm control you have over things."

"Sarcasm is the last vestige of the ignorant.' He waggled at her.

"And Denial aint just a river in Egypt." She giggled.

Jamie placed the screwdriver back into his pocket and smiled at her. "I suppose I have kept you up long enough, " he nodded toward the already vibrant sunlight squeaking through the kitchen window.

Martha grabbed his wrist as he rose, "No," she shook her head. "Stay."


	12. Chapter 12

**So many kind words. Someone once said a good story takes the writer along the same journey as the reader. this is for me a really good journey. Thank you for walking with me, i think we are about halfway to the pool.**

She shook her head and gripped his hand tighter. "You are not the only one with a story to tell you know?"

Jamie nodded and leaned closer into her. "Tom, I know but I think we both need some rest and I know we have plenty of time to unpack more baggage, right?"

Martha shook her head harder. "No Jamie. I need to tell this now We need to clear everything. This is important and I want you to know."

"We have plenty of time for this Martha. I can se you doing army nods " he grinned, moving to gently maneuver her out of her chair.

"Stay," she pleaded. "I'll behave, I just, Jamie I'm not ready to say good night.'

"It's the morning," he corrected, wrapping his arms around her. "I have to be at a consult in two hours, and you." He leaned over and kissed her. "We can have dinner tonight." He smiled.

"You do realize its Christmas Eve, right?" she giggled. "Or do they have Christmas on your planet?"

"Oi! In fact they don't but there was this little festival… " Jamie's words trailed off and he cleared his throat. "No, no Christmas. " he added sadly.

Martha didn't push, and perhaps that in itself was the root of his love for her. She knew when to push, but she also knew when to leave things the hell alone. "Well, we can have dinner, but it will have to be at my mum's.'

Jamie grimaced audibly, pulled her tighter and sighed. "Is this where we come out?" he asked.

"I think it's time to yeah," she leaned into him, and Jamie began to wonder if he could reschedule all of his appointments for the day, wrap op in that big quilt he saw on her bed and disappear.

"Ok." Jamie agreed. "Then if we go to your parents tonight, we are off to the Tylers tomorrow for Christmas Dinner then." He smiled.

Martha spun around to face him. "The Tylers? Oh the family that took you in, right. I would love to go. I think that would be wonderful."

Jamie nodded, yeh he knew it was time to make things more official between them, trade families such as they were. "I don't know if we will live through this." He smiled.

"Oi you, all those stories about daleks, zygons and cybermen and you are scared of a little family bonding. What happens when we have our own fam-" Jamie watched as Martha's face acquired a hugely noticeable blush. "Sorry I didn't mean-"

"I hope you did," Jamie insisted drawing her closer. ":I hope we do have that, when the time is right. Don't be embarrassed about that Martha, I thought that was where this was all leading to right?"

Martha's smile came back, and Jamie played count the dimples. He hugged her close, kissed her deeply and promised to pick her up at five for dinner.

"Where Kevlar." She advised as he headed down the stairs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In truth, he did not want to admit that he had not even realized it was Christmas Eve. Donna had decorated the offices and he knew they were in the vicinity of some winter festival that was on the horizon, but he was unable to put two and two together.

He blamed his fogginess on the situation of missing Martha, something he was happy was over. She was in his arms not two hours ago, he could still smell her perfume in his hair and on his hands.

No, Jamie was not surprised that he had completely foggered on Christmas. Pete and Jackie were in fact expecting him tomorrow afternoon at three sharp.

Donna was no help. "I put me hours in for today Stick Boy; you are paying me triple time today. " She wore a sweater that Jamie was sure came with headphones and its own instruction book, It both lit up and played music, happy tinkling Christmas music. While the patients loved it, Jamie thought he would puke from the garishness of the whole thing.

"I need to be out of here no later than two o'clock Egg. I got a family thing to attend to." Donna nodded.

"Yes, well I am sure I can get us both out of here in time to go to our respective places. I am supposed to pick up Martha at five."

Donna blinked in rapid succession, silent for what seemed minutes; Jamie watched realization crawl across her face. "Well, I am glad to see you have a set under there Egg. Maybe if you're lucky you'll get to use them, yeah?" she tittered.

"Donna!" Jamie groaned.

"Well, its time innit? The two of you have been seeing each other for a while now. Good Lord egg, do you even know how to use that thing?" she gestured toward his nether regions.

Jamie was starting to believe she enjoyed torturing him. Fate had been kind to any sib lings that Donna Noble did not have. "Can you call Pete and Jackie and ask them if it's ok if I bring Martha tomorrow. " He was sure it was safe since rose's new relationship. He was hoping this was the embankment upon a new side of their relationship. He had hoped they could be close friends, near siblings.

"Oh, so it's there now is it?" Donna asked smiling hugely. "Well good, now I don;t have to twist your arm to get outta here on time today.' She patted him on the back. "Martha is a good woman, I am glad to see you went after her."

"Well, yelling in my ear is a good motivator," Jamie mumbled.

"Good to know,' Another hard swat to the back "I have me six month review coming up, and I think I am going to want a raise."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Jones home, at least the one left for Francine, was a large five bedroom home, Jamie was not surprised that her family had money. What both surprised and delighted him was the fact that she seemed totally unaffected by it.

"You ready for this?" Martha asked, finger hovering over the doorbell. Jamie nodded his reticence and checked his hair with his hand. He was happy he had decided to wear the more subdued binary t shirt today. There were only 10 kinds of people in the world.

It was Francine who opened the door; she drew her daughter into a hug, all the while eyeing the strange man on her door step. Martha pulled away and introduced her mother.

Francine was less than impressed, both with him and the bottle of wine and flowers he presented her with. Francine Jones eyed him with the glare only a mother can perfect. "How old are you Dr. Noble?" she asked in lieu of introduction.

"Mum!" Martha shrieked in horror.

"Well he looks old enough to be your father, albeit a young one still. What are you Jamie Thirty five, forty? Do you realize that my daughter is only twenty four years old?"

It was Tish of all people who came to their rescue. Tish, with her big smile and rationality. "I am sure he is at least a couple of years older than Dave, right Martha?" Tish winked at her sister.

The air was deflated from Francine's ire, but she flashed a look at Jamie that let him know just where he stood. The look told him that not only was this discussion far from over, but also that her hand was in fine fighting form and she was not averse to proving this.

Jamie entered the living room suitably afraid.

The rest of the family seemed genuinely happy to meet him. They shook hands and slapped him on the back. Jamie got the impression that they were happy to see the youngest of the Jones children back in the saddle again.

Dinner was huge, and wonderful, and loud. The family ate together, shared stories and ate way too much. Jamie could not help but note that the Doctor would be mortified to have to endure the five hours of family bonding, present swapping and picture taking. But Jamie had the Donna side of him, and he could tell he got the love of all this from her. Jamie was sure she was at her home, enjoying her time with her family just as he was here.

Francine's friend, Dave, turned out to be a nice funny man. He was an investment banker who dealt in international business deals,, mostly in China. He actually was only thirty two years old, at least that was what Tish whispered to him after the first course. "She is going through the change." Tish giggled from his other side. "Honestly, I don't see what those two have to talk about, but from what I have heard they are quite active.'"

"How did they even meet?" Jamie asked grinning at the show Francine and Dave were putting on.

"She wanted to invest some of the money Gran left when she died last year. And then there was the fund from tom for Martha." She nodded knowingly.

Jamie was flabbergasted, ahe had no idea Tom left her anything. "Tim, her fiancée?" he asked quietly so not Martha would not hear.

Tish looked from him to Martha and Jamie watched guilt crawl over her features. "I-I think that is something you should talk to Martha about.' She looked back down to her plate and began to push her green beans around.

Jamie looked to his other side as Martha held her nephew, attempting to feed him mashed potatoes. Jamie looked at her and he knew. In the moments he watched her cuddle and hold Boxy he knew.

Jamie placed his hand on her back and leaned over to tweak her face. "Practice?" he whispered into her ear.

He smiled at the blush that slid over her face, but he went mad for her response. "this isn't practice," she whispered back. " This is a quiz. But, if you are good, and quit ogling my sister, Practice comes later." She winked.

Jamie choked on his roast beef as she moved her free hand across his lap.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They stood in front of her door, both unsure of where to go on from here.

"Come in." Martha insisted. "You can sleep here. You haven't slept siin two days." She tutted his denial. "You were here last night remember? And I know you well enough to know when you are gearing up for a lie. You get that weird little crease in your forehead."

"I do not!" Jamie insisted following her into the door.

"Yeah, sure." Martha patronized. She put the kettle on and turned on the stereo. Ryan Adams purred from the speakers and Jamie was mesmerized.

"I love this song." He pulled her into his arms and they danced as Adams sang about stars going blue.

Martha seemed to go limp in his arms as he moved her in slow circles around the small room. The haunting melody transfixed the dim room into a mystical plane. He felt her small breaths upon his collar and her heartbeat strummed against his abdomen.

He didn't expect her to say it first. In fact he never really expected to hear it at all, at least not until he mumbled something about it later on down the line, after much doubt and fumbling. But, as he knew his Martha was the bravest strongest woman in the world, he wasn't surprised that she said it first.

In fact, he was happier than he could ever remember being.

"I'm in love with you." She murmured into his neck.

Jamie dipped his head to her lips and took a long cool drink. "Good," he answered finally. "Because that means this is where we should be. This is easy, see? The fall, the land. We can do this. Martha. I love you too."

She took his hands and led him into her bedroom.


	13. Chapter 13

**Love the reviews, and wow thanks for all the love guys. Keep it coming, it is my muse We hit turbulence here, so strap on.**

The one thing Jamie loved about waking up next to Martha, aside from the obvious, was that sweet sleep scent. He woke with the sun still hidden on the other side of the world, but still beginning to wink its eye over a still sleeping London. He watched her body work on autopilot and lazily imagined what she was dreaming.

It had been so good, not earth shattering nor fairytale perfect. Sometimes arms ended up where legs should have been, and vice versa. Sometimes odd noises emitted from weird places. Sometimes, they found themselves enraptured in bliss only to find the phone ring, or the tea kettle whistle.

Life is not a fairy tale, and that is what makes life so damn interesting. Nothing is perfect, but Jamie knew he would remember this first night together. They were hesitant at first, Martha admitted that she had only been with Tom, and Jamie admitted he had only been with Rose. They agreed to leave the ghosts in the corners of the room and mounted the bed alone.

Martha held onto him for dear life, and in turn he held back for all he had. They brought each other to the edge, maybe not perfectly and certainly not concurrently; but they were there, together against all odds thee they were.

Under her quilt he stirred and pulled her closer, she mumbled some unintelligible endearment before burrowing into his side. To him, this was heaven.

Jamie thought about the man he was seven months ago; lost and angry at all that had been stripped from him, but in the darkness he began to see. In the darkness it began to make perfect beautiful sense. One must lose it all to gain it all.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Martha Jones was not a morning person.

He watched her grumble about every little thing as she made her around him. He tried to cheer her up with coffee, bread nests and his usual winning charm.

She informed him that his eggs were runny, the bread was soggy, and his charm could go get stuffed.

She did drink the coffee though, no complaints about the go-go juice.

They agreed to go over to his place so he could get changed. The cab ride there seemed to perk her up, or maybe it was the fifth cup of Starbucks dark roast that turned her to his favor that morning. He spent the car ride listening to her make idle chatter with the cabbie while he tried to remember the last time he had cleaned the bathroom.

Didn't matter in the end. She entered his flat and roosted upon the couch flipping through his cd collection. Tom Waits greeted him as he moved out of the bathroom, it was was surreal moment to listen to Murder in the Red Barn on Christmas morning, but Martha seemed to enjoy it, so he did too.

She attacked him in the living room. By one that afternoon they were both in need of another shower and he would never be able to hear Tom Waits without getting horny.

Oliver would love that.

They did finally make it to the Tyler home, and Martha was suitably impressed to learn they were _those_ Tylers. Until she realized that he had been with _that_ Rose. "Jamie," she murmured as they walked to the door. "I didn't realize we were coming to your ex-girlfriend's for Christmas."

Jamie didn't hear jealousy in her tone; in fact he was surprised to not hear it. What he did hear was a fear, and a note of discomfort. "Don't worry Martha," he slipped his arm around her as the maid opened the front door. "It wasn't like that. We are still friends and it will be ok. Pinky swear." He held up the long digit for emphasis and she gave him a gentle shove as they entered the living room off the large parlor.

One thing he picked up from the Doctor, well two things. One was the ability to underestimate human emotions. And second, his ability to be wrong at the worst possible time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It all started off so mundanely normal. Really. Tiny ran circles in the large room showing off his new toys to whomever would watch for longer than ten seconds; Jackie fussed over small details as more and more guests arrived, and Pete made out to be the man in charge when really that title was held by Jackie from day one.

And Rose had arrived with her new boyfriend. He was a dour looking lad, not quite a man, but beyond that boy stage. Jamie was happy she had found someone closer to her own age, he had always felt she needed someone to have fun with. But it was Martha who pointed out the similarities between Jamie and the new man in Rose's life.

While Scott did bare a more than passing resemblance to Jamie, he passed it off as a matter of type, explaining to Martha the relevance of dating someone who met with certain phenotypes that one found appealing. It was not surprising to see these common traits.

Martha told him he was an idiot and this whole night would end in trouble for sure, mostly due to her appearance at dinner. "A man would say that." She spun folding her arms and watching the show that Rose was putting on for Jamie. "Look at her; she is all over him when she thinks you are watching."

Jamie wanted to have a nice Christmas; he wanted that little piece of normalcy. Later on Jamie would chalk his rationalizations up to ignorance, stupidity and out and out wishful thinking. "She's fine Martha. Let's get you two introduced."

She hesitated but dutifully followed. Anyone could tell the two of them were close, their body language spoke of couple, it was unmistakable. They hung close to each other without it being dangerously overt. Jamie often touched her during conversations to other people, and Martha would lean into Jamie as he spoke.

"Hi Rose." Jamie offered in his best 'let's play nice' tone. Fat good it did, no one gave Rose the interpretative materials, so his tone came off as both mocking and bragging.

"Hi Jamie." She smiled, a little too sweetly, but again, Jamie was riding the holiday high and all of the street signs were in a different language to him.

Jamie pulled Martha nearer to him and took note of Martha's forced smile. "This is Martha," he smiled genuinely "Martha, this is a dear, dear friend of mine, Rose. "

"Hello Rose, I have heard so much about you." Martha offered

Rose made an odd noise in her throat, a sort of gag that sounded as if it were masking a growl. "Martha?" she asked louder than either of them thought she would "You brought Maatha Jones to my house?" she asked.

Martha began to slowly back away, Jamie saw a potentially volatile situation, he was ready to bolt when Jackie made her entrance. "Well, look at this, Jamie, have you met Scott yet? Scott works at Torchwood with Rose. He is a wonder with all that gadgetry over there. I had him here last week to fix my dishwasher." She smiled at Jamie and he nodded his thanks to her. How the Doctor ever questioned this woman's intelligence was beyond him.

They carried on with small talk, all the while noting Rose's increasing disquiet. She stood just off the group, arms crossed and her eyes darting between Jamie and Martha.

They assembled into the dining room and Jamie was struck by the difference from last night at the Joneses. While they were louder and more animated, the dinner with the Tylers was more rigid and quiet.

Well, at least that was how it started.

In some way Jamie knew it was coming, even with his avoidances and wishful thoughts, he began to feel an electricity in the air. Rose had ignored the presence of her own date and seemed to take great interest in his. She asked Martha questions about her school, her family and her life. They weren't particularly off in any way, rather it was the number of questions and the amount of attention paid to Martha that made the couple uncomfortable.

"So, you work at Torchhwood Rose?" Martha, in her way was trying to extend an olive branch, but Jamie, knowing her better than anyone in the room, also saw that she was, in her way trying to take control of the situation without it turning on her.

Way too late for that, Jamie thought to himself.

"Yeah, I work at torchwood.' Rose bit back; "You know about Torch wood do ya Martha?" she smiled in a way that made everyone at the table wiggle uncomfortably. "We deal with aliens there Martha." She stage whispered. "I suppose you know a little more than many of us about aliens don't you Martha?"

"Rose!" Pete threw his napkin onto the table and stood up. "This has gone far enough. "

But Jamie and Martha had already stood and began making their apologies. Rose however, had just begun. "You know he is an alien right? I mean he is part alien. Got thrown here 'cause he was a defect." Rose stood up and made her way to the front door where they had nearly made their getaway.

"Rose," Jamie tried as he helped Martha put on her coat. Jackie and Pete had followed her into the parlor, they were not sure how far to get involved.

"Did he tell you that you are exactly like someone he knows over there?" Martha's reaction relayed to rose that h=she had hit emotional paydirt. "You are just a replacement for what he could not have from over there."

Jackie grabbed her daughter's arm and dragged her off into another room. Pete tried to utter an apology but was hit with a sudden lack of what to say.

Martha bolted out of the door.

"Is it true?" she shouted to him from over her shoulder as she headed to the main road hoping to hail a cab.

"Martha, this is a long story, remember the baggage? We said we would have plenty of time to unpack?"

She turned around, hands on her hips. "I am not running off Jamie. I don't ever want to run off from you, but I need a little bit. Can you understand that? You did not tell me about this. You had every opportunity to tell me about a Martha Jones that I was replacing-"

"YOU ARE NOT REPLACING ANYONE!" he yelled. "You have never been a replacement; there was nothing between Martha and I. It was the Doctor who had a thing for her Yes I hold those memories, but that was not me."

"But you hold his memories Jamie, Is that all this has been recovering some memory of a life you missed? Did you see me and think that it would be great to have a piece of your old life?"

"If that were true Martha, I would still be with Rose."

Martha was not swayed, Jamie ran his hands threw his hair; the temperature had dropped since they arrived and snow had begun to fly around in great gobs.

"Jamie, I just need to think about all of this, please." She turned and darted into the cab that had stopped for her.

He watched her go with barely concealed anger, hands thrust deep into his pockets and tears formein cold pools in the corners of his eyes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Pete had motioned him back to the house. "I am so sorry about all of this Jamie. We had thought she was moving on with her life."

Jamie nodded and stood next to Pete on the steps to the house. "So what changed?" he asked

Pete sighed and pulled out a sheaf of papers. "Some of us at work have been worried about her attest project."

Jamie looked over the papers, barely realizing what was in front of him. "You let this go on? You are the boss over there, how can you let this continue?"

"She has her own money, and besides, she is considered the boss's daughter. No one would stop hr, nor did they question her requisition of the equipment and lab time. " Pete pulled his shoulders tighter together, Jamie knew it wasn't the cold causing the older man's body language, but plain old guilt.

"do you know how dangerous this is?" Jamie waved the papers under Pete's nose. "Do you realize what punching holes in reality will do, to both realities?"

Pete tucked his chin into his chest and spoke evenly. "We have dismantled her project, but the thing is, that guy she is with, that Scott, he is a brainy little fuck. She has bought her own digs now. She has started the project on her own,"

The anger at Martha running off multiplied by this new realization sent Jamie over the edge. "Rose will tear this reality to shreds al in the name of getting back to the Doctor. " he fired. "I need you to get me access to her new digs so that I can tear that machine apart myself."

Pete promised he would be in touch, soon. He thanked Jamie for his help and apologized again for Rose's behavior.

"Stop apologizing Pete and correct it." He yelled as he got into the cab."She has turned into a spoiled brat."


	14. Chapter 14

Fixing things was never a problem for him. Within the memories of the Doctor, Jamie knew fixing ran in his blood.

But the human condition could rarely be annotated with a wave of a modified sonic screwdriver. And the relationship he had just rediscovered once again hung in a fragile balance.

She took his calls, all of them; she never said she would not talk to him, or did not want to talk to him. In tat first conversation he had with her on his way home he spent more time apologizing, crying and promising to tell her everything,

Martha accepted his words, cried with him, and explained her real problem with the entire situation. "you don't leave someone like that Jamie. If you cared enough to be in a relationship of any kind with her, you should have been checking on her. You had to have known that she was not all right. That is what bothered me. More so than the feeling of being a replacement-"

"You are not a replacement Martha," he insisted.

"I know that Jamie. I know I am not, there is too much. Look, I want you to tell me the whole story. Not now, but soon. Right now, Jamie right now I think you need to focus on Rose." She sniffled and Jamie knew she was making a decision that was hard for her. "See, my problem here is that you never told anyone she was having a hard time with things. Did you Jamie? Did you try to get her parents to see that she wasn't ok?"

Martha's accusations had really cut, mostly because she was right. His memories of the Doctor had included the memories of his times with Martha Jones, and there was one thing about her, she was tough, honest and pulled no punches when it came to the truth. He understood her strength, cherished her compassion, but it was her full on commitment to honesty that lit his way. "You're right.' He offered something he never admitted to anyone. He was used to being the moral and intellectual better of everyone, at least in his own mind. This time, he knew he had screwed up.

Martha's side of the conversation had stretched into a silence that worried him, but out of nowhere, her voice rang in clear and solid. "Jamie, you told me how hard it had been for you to distinguish yourself from the memories. You said how you established that you were a different person than him. But you did the same things. You left her alone when she was obviously too fragile to go on."

He nodded, even though she could not see his admission he knew she did not need to see, she knew he was wrong as much as he knew she was right. "I mean, is that what the Doctor did, just throw you over when he was done with you?"

"Pretty much," Jamie shrugged. In some ways it was more complicated than that, but the reality was in her simplistic explanation, Martha had hit the Time Lord on the head. He had let both rose and he on Bad Wolf Bay as if they were bad children he no longer could stand the sight of.

Martha again fell silent, Jamie could hear her soft breathing on the other side and he wondered if she was dumbstruck but his admission, or just pitying him. He really hoped it wasn't pity. "It's ok Martha; I have dealt with the losses." He shrugged again as if she could see it.

"Have you?" Martha accused, "Or is that what you tell Oliver and yourself so that you can go on each day. Yeah Jamie, in case you have not guessed, or caught the Royal Hope gossip mill, I know a little something about loss too. I am not some spoiled little girl that has lived atop an ivory mountain all my life. I know what it's like to lose some part of you. I know what it's like to lie about how fine you are too."

Jamie wished they were having this conversation somewhere in the same room together, not in two different cabs heading in opposite directions.

"Look Jamie, this conversation is bigger than a mobile in a cab, and I have to still get to work for my shift. We can't all be hot shot doctors that only work the o=hours we want."

"I still get late night pages for consults" he whined.

Jamie could hear Martha's deep throaty chuckle and felt himself getting hard. "Martha,: he groaned shifty in the back seat of the cab. "I am going to have to ask that you not make that sound anywhere other than our bedroom."

"Our?" she asked after a painfully long silence.

He no longer could feel the turn of the Earth, nor did he understand that passing of time as one of his senses, but he felt every moment of that long silence tick by in painful little bites "Bad timing Martha, reserve this conversation for later?"

"Agreed." Martha confirmed. "Just deal with what is going on Jamie, because I don't think you and I can go further until this is resolved.

He hated when she was right, and Jamie had the idea that however long this relationship went on he would discover that she was right more often than he cared to admit. "I love you." He was surprised at the vulnerability in his own voice.

"I love you too Jamie." She assured him. "I just think that this needs to be fixed. Rose once meant a lot to you—to the Doctor. I think you owe both yourself and him to get her ok before it's too late."

"I will Martha, if for nothing else then to be able to continue on the path we are on."

"No"

Jamie's heart stopped. "What?" he asked as he made his way up to his second floor flat.

Martha sighed and went on. "You should be doing this because she was-is-your friend Jamie." Martha insisted.

Anger rose in Jamie's heart. He had long since resigned himself to the emotional part of his nature, the Donna part that made him react in ways that were both unpredictable and completely ruled by his emotions. "I am doing this because she is going to destroy this universe and possibly al of the other ones Martha." Jamie ground as he opened his front door. "I understand and love your compassion Martha, in fact I need that part of you more than anything. In a lot of ways you are the part of me that reminds me to be human. But, you must understand, I need to do this for the right reasons. "

"Jamie," she started.

"No, she was told to never try to go back. She was told what could happen; she knew what would happen when she did this the last time."

"The last time?"

"Oh yes Martha," he over enunciated. "This is not the first time she has done this. Did you think I was angry with her because I am heartless? I realize I am not him Martha, and I realize that I may even seem uncaring but you are coming into this story in the middle, you don't know all of it."

"Then tell me, "

So he did.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	15. Chapter 15

Jamie placed his hands into his pockets and attempted to shirk off the cold. It was his first real winter, and since his only memories are of the Doctor, he could only remember enjoying the cold. But humans were not born with a lower body temperature; humans were born with a higher more fragile susceptibility to the elements, especially the cold.

He decided he hated the winter.

Sure, the white snow falling and then piling up in large drifts was elegant and beautiful. He was positive that there were a lot of people who enjoyed winter sports, but he knew he would never be in the same tour bus as those folks.

He stood idling outside of the rented posh flat that rose had moved into with her new boyfriend, not sure if he was doing the right thing. Of course, Jamie was never sure if he was in fact doing the right thing.

Short definition of being human, he mused to himself before advancing upon the front lobby. Jamie did not want a nasty confrontation with Rose, he did not want to get into some horrid shouting match with someone he once loved implicitly, nor did he want to get into some pissing contest with her current Doctor replacement.

What he did want was to be at home, snuggled into his too soft bed with Martha, practicing.

But he rang her bell and was surprised to see Rose answer the door herself. He was even more surprised at her less than happy look upon seeing him.

But she let him in.

He followed her through a tastefully decorated apartment, noting any sharp objects that could either be used against him, or crashed into accidently.

"I was wondering how long it would be before you got here." She grinned, hopping onto a couch that probably cost Jamie's entire year's salary. "You missed me."

"Rose," he began sitting opposite her in a very conscious effort to keep as much distance between the two as possible. "I didn't come here to rekindle anything.—"

"And what was the deal with bringing her to my house for Christmas? Really? I am supposed to believe that you replaced me with someone you didn't even give a second-"

"He" Jamie insisted emphatically. "He didn't give her a second look. And that statement is not called for right now Rose. "He wouldn't tell her that the Doctor had given Martha more than a second glance, and it was in fact the reason for the distance he had imposed upon their relationship. The doctor was not upset about replacing, Rose; he was upset of possibly reenacting the loss.

Rose sniffed distastefully, tucked her small feet under her legs and went on. "So, now that you are here, I can get this whole thing going a lot faster. I mean, Scott is smart and all, but he is no Doctor." She smiled.

"Rose, what are you talking about?"

Rose leaned in closer to him, as if conspirators in a war zone. "We are going to go home Jamie. I am going to get us back to the Doctor. You can get the TARDIS back, and I can be with the Doctor. I know he misses me. " she nodded as if confirming this to herself as well as the stunned man across from her.

"What are you doing Rose?" Jamie did his best to remain calm and keep the horror of her actions from giving himself away. He had come here for confirmation, it was the one thing he agreed with the Doctor, give them a chance to hang themselves, in the end they always did.

Rose was not going to break the streak.

Rose threw herself back into the expensive chair and giggled. Her laugh reminded Jamie of an incident with the Rani. "You are so gonna owe me for this one Jamie! We are going to go home and we are going to be where we should be." She pumped her fist into the air and whooped, loudly. "I have been working on a new way to get through the barrier. It is a cannon, but one that can be aimed directly to our universe. No more hunting and picking between realities.'

Jamie reeled back in horror. "Rose, this is home."

Rose glared at him and fixed her face with a stern callous look. "This is not my home." She waved her hand at him accusingly. "And this aint your home either, you weren't 'born' here.

"Neither was your mum and she has made a home here Rose, maybe it's time to think of doing the same."

She looked at Jamie and he had the distinct feeling she could see right through him, and she was sharpening up for a good one. "Yeah, I guess you have fixed yourself up here nicely haven't you?" she nodded again, and Jamie cringed at her mannerism. "Well, that's fine Jamie, I know I got a little angry, and I am sorry for that. I saw you with Martha, and it's hard you know? It was like seeing him with her."

Sometimes it was just easier to go along with the person wielding the not so stable psyche. "I understand Rose, but you know I am not him,"

She nodded again, and Jamie was again struck at the robotic nature of her movement. Jamie made a mental note to ask Pete about her mental health. "I so appreciate this Jamie!" she gushed, jumping into his lap. "Now don't think I am going to forget all about you when I get home, I am going to make sure he makes you your own TARDIS!"

"Rose? Wait what do you mean?" he not so subtly removed her wriggly body from his lap.

"You're going to help me right, I mean that is why you came here. You found out from Pete that this was going to get made. He told me he would talk to you about it. I know I got a little crazy the other day, but we are mates, right?" She even batted her eyelids for effect.

"rose I came here to see what Pete meant, yes I knew about it, but Rose, you have to know you can't do this, it could rip the very fabric of reality into tiny little shreds."

Rose shook her head. But I need your help, this is about true love.."

"True love? Are you mad Rose? Do you think the Doctor is going to ever take the slow path with you or anyone? Why do you think he dumped us here together? In his mind he has given us both what he assumes all humans want. A house, a family, two point five children. He is never going to give any of that to you Rose."

"I know that!" she screamed at him, "I never asked for any of that from him. All I ever wanted was to be with him, to see the wonders of the universe. Why was that taken from me, twice?"

"I don't know why Rose," he reached out for her hands, and was surprised that she let him take them in his own. :I don't know why things happen, but they do. It took a lot for me to get used to the idea of a stationary life. You know what I am, more than anyone here in this place. You must know how hard it has been for me to accept that I am never going to leave this planet again."

"But it doesn't have to be that way Jamie; you don't have to settle for a life less ordinary. Come and help me, work with me Jamie. We can get back what is rightfully ours."

Jamie shook his head and stood suddenly, dropping her hands as if they were on fire. "Do you ever listen to yourself Rose? At what point were you promised forever? He never said forever Rose, you did. Do you know why he never said it? Because he knew, he knew that forever for you was never going to be forever for him. Do you get that?" He knew he was yelling, and he knew that was making the situation worse. There were parts of his humanity he truly loved, and parts he wished he could send back.

Rose of course took the bait. "What the hell 'Jamie?'" she made little quotations with her fingers. :You were thrown here just like me, you were left on the doorstep to fend for yourself, had to even name yourself. Don't you think you are owed something for all of that?"

"That is exactly right Rose, "Jamie's countenance had taken on a deliberate and measured cadence. "I had to do for myself, and maybe that is why I appreciated more. I am going to talk to Pete, maybe its time you made your own way instead of having it all handed to you on a silver platter." Jamie looked around the posh surroundings. "Maybe Rose, it's time to make yourself."

He left her staring after him, knowing that talking to Pete was pointless, the damage was done. Rose would tear apart reality piece by agonizing piece, and the only person who could stop her was in another reality altogether.

He vowed then and there to do whatever he could to stop her, but he could not allow her to suck him into her madness. If she was allowed to go on, she would have convinced him, in some tiny way, that she was right, that his life here was nothing more than a make do.

And he never wanted to believe that, ever. He wanted to believe that everything he had created in the past eight months was as real as any of the countess memories he held. He wanted to believe that the life he had here was something, anything, except a consolation prize.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Its two o'clock in the morning Jamie, what the hell!" she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into the flat. "Why are you banging on my door like the cops on a drugs bust?"

"Because you weren't at work, and you didn't answer your phone, and I don't know what to do." He was blabbering, but in many ways he was fully aware of what he was doing.

She took his coat, shook off the fresh snow and planted him into a chair at the table. "Guess I have to make you tea now and warm you up eh? I have been to your flat Jamie, I know you have a kitchen of your own, and central heat, I don't see why-"

He grabbed her, pulled her into his lap and sank his face into the soft terry of her robe. "Hey now, what is going on?"

"I did what you told me to Martha. I went to talk to her; I took your advice after hearing the whole story. You were right, it was the right thing to do, but it was the wrong thing for me to have been the one to do it."

Martha's grip upon him became stronger, pulling him further into her warmth. "I take it she did not say sorry and promise to never do it again?"

Jamie guffawed and made gentle strokes across her breast with his chin. "This is nice, I wish I could have done this while I talked to Rose, bet I would have been a lot quieter, less self righteous." He xrooned.

"You didn't" she asked humorlessly.

"Oh yes!" he replied with equal humor. "I completely botched this one Martha, and worst yet, I sort of see her point."

"That it is ok to destroy reality to get what you want?"

He sighed, loving how direct and honest this woman was. She was better to him than he deserved. This was the reality the feel of her body warm in his arms, the scent of her in his throat. The feel of her heat against his skin, the longing he felt just looking at her, or walking past her. For Jamie Noble, Martha Jones was humanity; she both embodied it and brought the good part of his out. He was no fool, he knew she was not perfect, but she knew his imperfections as well, and they did not clash. In fact, their perfections coincided quite nicely next to each other.

"Thank you." He grinned kissing her.

Martha drew away from his embrace, confused with a question mark in her eyes. "For what?"

"For reminding me that this life is not the runner up."

"Silly man, you need someone to tell you that?" She nipped his throat and there was no mistake what she wanted.

"No, just needed a smackdown, you are good for those."

She grinned and bit his earlobe. "Come into the room and see what else I am good at."


	16. Chapter 16

**Got a little sidetracked, but i am back now. Have no fear i will not leave this story orphaned. thanks again to all of those who have reveiwed my story, especially the faithful ones, you know who you are**

He walked around like a man that knew the punchline to the funniest joke in the world, and he had no intentions of sharing the joke with anyone.

Dr. Jamie Noble knew that his time as a loner was done. He had found not only a home but a true joy in a relationship he was smart enough to realize he neither deserved nor would he ever take for granted.

She loved him back and for that he was a lucky bastard.

Jamie would wait for her to come to him. She often showed at his door at odd hours of the morning, tires, but smiling at him as if he had the secret to the universe in his hands/

It was time.

Martha had been in his life for over six months and even after all of the start and stops, the Rose dramas and not to mention two people who loved work as much as they loved each other. Jamie realized it was time.

He smiled more, she laughed more. Jamie walked around the hospital as a casual observer of ailments, a warrior of wellness, and a harbinger of joy.

"I am going to have to have me own office if you keep popping around with all that smirking and jowling." Donna warned as she nursed her first cup of coffee. "You skinny little streak, too much energy in the morning. That young lady of yours isn't wearing you out properly."

"Now Donna, don't be jealous that you have to share me. You know I will always make time for you."

"Ugh, I tell you what Egg, let her know that if she can keep you out of my hair for one day I'll be glad to do all of her office work."

In the seven months they had been together, Jamie decided that had been enough time for him to decide that he was ready.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"The thing is Jamie," Pete hemmed, his hand behind his neck in the universal symbol for 'don't kill the messenger' "The thing is Jackie and I both know she has gone a bit off the rails. But, this is a high profile family, I mean you don't know what a little bad publicity could do to the company and with a recession on…"

"Are you mad?" Jamie glared at the man he considered closer than a best friend. "I mean are you absolutely insane?"

Pete grimaced before he dared to open his mouth again. "Jamie, you have to understand. Rose has been through a lot in her life, none the least of which the Doctor brought on. We honestly don;'t know how far to go with this."

"I know, " Jamie fired. "Cut her off. Close down her labs, and her funds, and her accounts. Cut her off. Fire her from Torchwood; put her into a nunnery if you have to. I honestly do not understand what the issue is here Pete. If she tears more holes in reality, then there will be no share holders, or bad publicity to concern over. Do you get that Pete? There Will Be No _Anything_."

Pete looked all the forty eight years he carried. Jamie was no fool; he understood the fragile balance the man walked. His businesses, his family, and his responsibility with Torchwood all held in a delicate web. Rose, unfortunately, ran the risk of punching holes in these as well. Pete nodded though, and he agreed with Jamie. How could he not? Who would vote yes on unmaking reality? Daleks excluded.

But, no man would vote against his family either. While Rose made not be his daughter technically, she remained Jackie's daughter, and that left huge tracks inside his priorities floor. Jamie could understand that, he held enough of the Doctor's memories to recall times when what was best for family was not best for responsibilities. And vice versa.

"Jamie, I can't cut her off. You know that." He shook his head. "I am keeping close watch of things, I swear. I have people who go in and undo her work. A couple of misplaced decimals and she will never get that thing working again."

"You had better hope that is the truth Pete." Jamie warned. "Because if she gets through this time, there will be high consequences than a few stars going out. "

Pete rubbed his face and continued. "Jamie, I care about her, I don't want to see her hurt anymore than she already had."

"I care about her too Pete, not just from my memories. We have been to the same place; she and I were left here to fend for ourselves. Yes, yes you and Jackie were here, but that is not what I mean. The Doctor left us Peter. "

"So you understand then." Pete nodded.

"No Pete, I don't understand. I don' understand one bit. I am about to ask Martha to marry me, I don't want that to be destroyed one day because Rose wants her way. I don't want to be unmade. I want to know that any child I have is going to be safe from possible annihilation, or sucked into the void, or unmade or-"

"You're going to ask Martha to marry you?" Pete grinned like an idiot "That is brilliant!"

Jamie _oofed_ as Peter grabbed him tight, squeezing him hard enough to lift him off of the ground. He mentally reminded himself to tell Donna by phone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The warm body in his arms snored lightly; Jamie sat and watched the morning sun play against the patches of her quilt. He loved sleeping at her house, everything held her scent, and he felt surrounded by her here. Enfolded in a huge Martha blanket he was a man right where he wanted to be. He was addicted, he never wanted to leave.

They never had the same days off, in fact most of their time was still spent in that cafeteria on the third floor. Martha often brought them their lunch now; he smiled at her endeavor to make sure he ate healthier. "Trying to keep me around?" he teased.

"Pretty hard to break a new one in, and I finally got you how I want you, at least mostly. You still leave the toilet seat up and you have horrible fashion sense. But still, a work in progress is better than a raw lump of clay."

"OI! I will have you know I am no lump of clay Missy."

Inside, he was elated that she cared enough to take care of him. He loved that she cared what he wore or whether he wore a warm coat or not. He treasured her attempts to look after him, and he returned the favor in kind. Often he brought her lunch when she had to work the late shift in A and E, and a few times they made love in the Doctor's nap room. Jamie was mad for her, and she knew it.

But as he lay in her bed, Jamie knew he never wanted to leave.

He never wanted to have to go back to his own cold lonely existence. He wanted to be here with her forever, in endless days of mindless joy and smallness. He never wanted to leave the planet again, and for him, given his lineage, that admission was immeasurable in its enormity.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

They sat closer, spoke in their own lovers' language. Jamie confided in her about his fear of spiders, and in turn she never held it against him when he would run out of the bathroom and stand on a chair until she slew the evil arachnid mightily.

"You would be dead in days without me." She smirked as he climbed down from the bed.

He knew he would be. He knew that without her he would probably still be wallowing in that loneliness. Maybe he would be coming out of some of it on his own, but she brought him much further in a shorter amount of time.

"So then we should get married, otherwise there is no telling what may become of me if left to my own devices."

To her credit, she did not run. He had assumed she would, knowing what he knew about Tom. He intentionally waited for a flippant time to press the issue. He wanted to both catch her off guard, and do it in such a way that would not remind her of Tom.

"Jamie…"

He took her hands and pulled her through the living room to the couch. "I am serious Martha. We knew this is where we have been heading the whole time. I don't want to leave that bed without knowing I get to come back to it and you in it, at the end of the day. "

Martha's entire demeanor spoke of a person withdrawing into herself. Jamie watched the strong woman dissolve into the fragile quiet one he had seen at her graduation. "Jamie I think before I give you an answer, I need to tell you everything about Tom."

Jamie shook his head and grabbed her hands tighter as he crouched in front of her. "No," he insisted. "This is about us, this has nothing to do with Tom. "

She spoke in a voice he only heard her use in those nights he helped out in A and E. Usually the voice was reserved for drunken teenagers or hysterical mothers. "This has everything to do with Tom, and so does my answer to you. This is where I get to tell my story Jamie. This is not all about you."

Jamie nodded and let her go on.

"So that you know why I am answering you I am going to tell you everything that went on in Zimbabwe and after that, when I am finished then you get to talk. But this time, _you_ are going to listen to _me_, and _you_ are going to understand _me_."


	17. Chapter 17

**Bear with me dearest reader, this is going somewhere. Stick with me for a couple of chapters, Martha is going to have her say.**

Martha scooted herself into the couch, removed herself from Jamie's grasp and tucked her legs under herself. "I am going to tell you a story Jamie, and you are going to listen."

"Don't I always listen to you Martha?" he asked, sounding a little more hurt than he had realized.

Martha nodded, "You are a good man, which is why I am going to tell you everything." Martha smiled with little humor. "I told you about how I was terrified when I first got to Africa. And, I told you it was sort of my rebellion. In truth Jamie, I ran off. I ran off because my parents' marriage was falling apart and I could not deal with it. "

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**Martha's Story**

It was the same as always, she never reacted without it being something huge. When she was twelve, Sammy Kingly next door had punched her in the face. Rather than run off crying, or threaten, or look for an adult, Martha reacted. She reacted then as she did as an adult. Martha released a feral scream form her throat and did her level best to rip the dirty blond apart with her bare hands. She would have too had Francine not wondered why her daughter had not returned into the house from the school bus.

It was always the same with Martha, Bad shit happened, and she reacted as a caged animal, frightened and with full claws. Sammy never bothered Martha again, in fact Sammy never even met Martha's gaze after that. The girl simply gave the brunette a wide berth. Martha did not care, except for the scolding she received from her mother.

"Only animals begat violence with violence Martha."

"I raised you better than that Martha"

"You just wait til your father gets home Martha."

But her father was neither concerned nor upset. Martha felt a pang of guilt more so at the argument she caused with Clive Jones reticence to punish his daughter for what he considered self defense.

Her reaction caused her parents to fight. Her reaction had left the Kingly girl in a state of fear. Martha often reacted without thinking, and it was these actions that lead her here.

Here was a small nameless African village in Zimbabwe; twenty two years old, she had left her studies in mid semester to run off to Africa.

She was escaping her home life as so many had in years and centuries before.

As if the small twin engine puddle hopper that ferried her to the small African village was not enough, Martha found herself alone, clutching a borrowed duffle; as usual she had not thought much before she signed up.

Standing on the dusty makeshift runway, she surveyed her surroundings. The pilot informed her that they would be leaving for the camp as soon as he had the supplies loaded into the truck. Martha had offered to help, but was shooed away. Now she found herself with nothing to do but watch as the pilot and two men loaded the small rickety army vehicle with supplies.

"Been waiting long?"

The voice seemed to come out of nowhere, but the man asking her smiled when she jumped. "Uh," she began taking in the stranger's handsome face and unruly curls.

"Right," he nodded as if she had spilled the secrets of the universe. "You must be Martha Jones." He held out his hand to her. "I'm Dr. Milligan, Tom. We spoke on the phone."

She remembered, although in truth she pictured a much older man with grey hair and thick glasses. No one in school warned her that he was so young and

…_and what Martha? What is it that you are thinking when you look at this man?_

She smiled and took his hand, covering her surprise. "Yes, it's nice to meet you Dr. Milligan." She smiled as he walked her over to the truck.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By the time they arrived at the site of the hospital, Martha had fallen asleep in her seat, it was a six hour drive through the thickest of brush. Martha wondered if there were lions out here.

"Oh yes," Tom nodded, "And worse."

Martha tried to hide her shudder, but was disappointed when Tom reassured her that their site was in a safe location. They were in a local that was densely populated and not so remote as the one he was in last year. "That, was in the middle of nowhere. I cannot tell you how many animal attacks I treated there."

"And how many have you treated here?" she asked

Tom grinned and patted her shoulder.

She was still not reassured. In fact, she began to question her decision, Martha wondered what she was thinking running off just because her mother…

Nope, not gonna go there. Martha argued with herself. She must have held onto the look on her face to match her inner struggle because Tom reached out a hand and patted her shoulder. "Hey, I was only trying to scare you a little Martha, really, it's not that bad. The worst animal attacks we get here are of the flying sort."

"Birds attack out here?" she breathed in horror.

Tom threw back his head and laughed so loud it cut through the silence of the dark forestry. "Oh I like you Martha Jones." He tittered still trying to get his fit into submission; her grave look at being laughed at only solidified his humor.

The hospital itself was no more than three large tents and a small stone building. Tom offered to give her the grand tour in the morning. He pointed her toward the back of the building where her room would be. "This used to be mine." he admitted. "But I think you would feel more comfortable here."

He was right, Tom had taken one of the tents as his, it was a two person operation with others coming periodically. Tom explained to her that they saw patients every day. "Some of them walk hundreds of miles to come here for treatment. Mothers carrying children, husbands carrying wives; we treat every day because they come every day Martha."

Martha nodded as she made her way around the room. Tom bid her good night once he noticed her tired smiles had faded into droopy nods of acquiescence. Martha found herself both grateful for the solitude, and terrified of being alone in this strange place.

Martha spent the night alternating between fitful sleep and nervous exhaustion. She spent her first day trying to stay awake and remember everything tom explained to her. Their first patient was a heavily pregnant woman. "She is carrying twins Martha, " he grinned as he helped the young woman down from the exam table. "Make up a bed in the hospital; I am going to keep her here until she delivers. "

The translator was a young boy that Tom had taught English. His name was Ngebe, but he answered to Tom's endearment of Friday. While Friday explained to the woman what was to happen, Martha made up one of the beds in the five bed ward in the small building. There was only one exam room, and a small locked closet for the dispensary. Tom had given her a key to the closet, explaining never to let anyone else in, not even Friday.

Martha wobbled on her feet as she helped with the tenth patient of the day. The boy had a club foot and Tom was arranging a team of doctors that would come and perform surgery/ "Not just his foot. " Tom explained "I have over three dozen patients that are going to have surgery in the three weeks they are here."

It was his dedication, even in that first day; Martha found his dedication to his patients to be his best quality. Somehow he had sugar free lollies for all of the children, "Can't risk cavities here in the wild Martha. I am a doctor," he smiled in his best Bones McCoy impression, "Not a dentist."

Martha began to wonder if she was even good enough to be there. She had come because of the problems at home, not because she had some grand design to help others.

_I am a fraud_, she thought to herself as they bandaged the little girl's sprained arm. _I am a fraud and he is going to figure it out. I could kill someone here and no one would know._

Except Tom would know, and somehow, that was more frightening.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The storm rolled in silently and came on with all the stealth of a mouse on a carpet. Martha jolted awake with the scritch of thunder that seemed to roll right over her head. She threw aside the covers and ran to shut the windows.

She had been there for two weeks, for two weeks she worked alongside Tom, realizing that she no more belonged there than she did at home where her mother was-

Leave it alone Martha. Shouldn't deal with too much at once

The storm ratcheted higher as she cowered in the corner of the small bed. Frightened, alone and in deep need of sleep,, Martha vowed to spill her secrets. She was a fake; she should be sent home as soon as possible.

She made her way into the small eating area, shaking and visibly in a state. Shuddering and teeth clattering, she made herself a cup of coffee and huddled over it.

A slight scraping sound invaded her reverie, Martha was not sure how long she had sat at the small table, but she again jumped at the small movement.

He didn't say anything; he moved the cup closer to her and removed the cup of tea from hr trembling hands.

Martha passed Tom a more than grateful yet timid smile as she raised the steaming cup to her mouth. The heat warmed her chilled flesh, and the bite gave her a satisfying calm that made her free to speak. "I need to go home." She murmured, not looking tom in the face. "I don't think this is the right place for me."

Tom nodded, more to encourage her to speak than to agree with her. "I came here to escape. There are some things going on at home that, that-"

_Leave it alone Martha. You come from a happy home, and no one needs to know the dirt that gathers outside the door._

Tom stared at the small woman; she could feel his glare crawling over her flesh like a worn sweater. Something in his eyes gave her strength, if asked; she would have blamed it on the bourbon in the hot coffee. "My parents are going through a rough patch." She finished finally, teeth finally still.

Tom hunched closer to her, he placed his large hand over her small fretting one.

"My parents are in the middle of spitting up. My mother, found a younger man and she has been seeing him behind my dad's back." Martha was surprised to find how good it felt to unload. "I found out from my sister. Tish. Apparently she found them in flagrante, in the kitchen of our house. The one we grew up in. The very kitchen that Mum baked our cookies in. Needless to say she told on her."

Tom still had not spoken, not a single word. Martha respected his ability to remain silent. She often found herself talking when she was nervous, or bored, or confused. IT was a habit she intended to break before returning to medical school.

Martha sighed, and went on. "So, once my dad knew about my mother's affair, it pretty much set the match to an already volatile relationship. I do not pretend that they had a happy marriage; even at seven I recall their fights to be legendary. I just needed to get away from it all Tom. The constant phone calls, my brother and sister always calling to plan some new thing to get around the drama, I ran."

"Of course you did. " he nodded standing up. "Now you are going to go to bed. It's late and there is a lot to do in the morning."

He lead her to her room, and Martha, finally resigned to the packing and planning she would have to do to go home slipped off into the easiest sleep that she had come to since her arrival in Africa.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He let her sleep in, and Martha began to gather her things into her borrowed army duffle. When she emerged into the bright sunlight, Tom waved her over. "We need more supplies." He started over his shoulder as he moved around the small ward.

"I'm all packed.' She offered, hefting the duffle on her shoulder.

He came up to her, removed the duffle from her shoulder and set it upon a nearby chair. "Get on the radio and let them know what's needed."

She did as she was told. One of the things she had to get used to was the lack of communication. Even satellite phones worked sporadically. Radios were far more reliable, but often failed to reach anyone on the other end. Martha had listened intently to Tom's lesson about the radio. It was the only life line to actual civilization. "Should I call for a ride to the air strip?" she asked after listing off what was needed.

Tom brought her a cup of tea this time, no bourbon but hot and with lemon. "Bend or break Martha." He began. "You can run back home, but your problems are still going to be there. And, all you get is more running. Time to break the streak, yeah?" he smiled at her then, and Martha was genuinely surprised at the pride, loyalty and confidence behind his twinkling eyes. "Now, we have more patients, how would you like to deliver a baby today?"


	18. Chapter 18

It took a while to get used to all of the new responsibilities he had heaped upon her. She did deliver the twins alone, with Tom continuing to see other patients. She knew he was a shout away, but the lesson about confidence was immense.

"Well, great job there Martha. You are going to be a great Doctor one day." He smiled at her. To anyone else, and possibly from anyone else, the words of encouragement would seem both false and condescending in their simplistic delivery. But it was what she needed to hear, and Tom knew that. The only one else around to hear was Friday, and he only smiled and blushed upon seeing her.

He inherently offered the confidence that she so greatly lacked. He never again mentioned her break down, merely pushed her to become what she wanted.

He continued to trust her, and she continued to push herself to the boundaries of what she once thought she could do. He had her performing duties and medical procedures that were essential and challenging. Tom never watched over her shoulder, but he never let her forget he was there.

"You were not lying about the bugs." She complained one night as they munched on a selection of food the patients had brought in. Tom never likes to take the food, but they were anything if not proud people. Refusal would have hurt them more than starvation. "One bit me yesterday and I could have sworn it was a giant bird." She grinned.

Tom returned her humor, "Well, I did warn you."

They continued to eat in silence, and after a few more minutes, Martha Jones quietly spoke. "Thank you."

He smiled at her, patted her hand, and turned back to his vegetables.

That was his way; he was not a talker, more of a 'quoter'. Tom would often putter around for hours without saying a single word. He seemed to enjoy the quiet moments after the days of treating patients. She loved the quiet moments they spent in between days, sitting up in the small closet they called a kitchen, reading, or listening to music from his old wind up record player.

Tom introduced her to old Soul music, and they would dance until she fell into giggles at their antics/. Sometimes, in that still too dark world of dim light bulbs, wind up Ray Charles, Martha felt as if they were the last two people in the world.

And somehow, on some vastly selfish plain of existence, she was ok with that.

HE could cook anything on the old Coleman stove they kept in the back of the office that served as their makeshift kitchen. Even though everything came out of either a bag or a can, somehow Tom made it edible, even palatable.

Sometimes she would find him for an emergency, in his tent reading Shakespeare. Tom was one of those rare people who not only enjoyed a good book, but lived for it. He tried to teach her to play chess, but gave up mumbling something about her being showoff and beginners' luck.

They often found themselves running on little sleep, sometimes due to an emergency, but usually due to enjoying each other's company. He respected her disdain for mornings, and she never pointed out his goofy jokes were old enough to have annoyed Disraeli.

Somehow the two of them forged a sort of friendship that often found its way into books. A friendship of distinct languages, inside jokes, and secret handshakes; the long nights of work brought them closer together, inventory was a giggle fest of bad puns reminiscent of an episode of MASH. Grandma's sulfur is in the living room.

Even if they never professed any sort of non familial love for each other, Martha considered herself grateful to be held in some regard by the brilliant man.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The moment she realized she was in love with him, it was far too late for her to try to get out of it. She had promised the organization a full year, and even through her earlier considerations of running, it concerned her to fail her obligations.

But being in the close proximity of him day in and day out was killing her, slowly.

She had considered just telling him, blurting out her infatuations and admitting that it had become too much for her. But if there was one thing that Tom had taught her, it was that nothing was too much for her. He had given her confidence, though he was quick to say that his presence was the 'magic water' in her life.

"It was already in you Martha, you never needed my encouragement, you just needed an impartial voice in the background." Though Martha questioned that partiality, she questioned it because there were times that she would swear he looked at her with more than a passing thought of what she felt.

But Martha decided that she would not push it. She loved the relationship they had. It was like the two of them saving the world. Martha enjoyed that,. She reveled in his elevation of her to that of equal. An admission of some teenaged crush would ruin that.

Tom was a man who enjoyed the world he himself had created. He confided that he had started these journeys to Africa as a means to 'get away from it all" but at some point, the job had become a love.

"Isn't that the way?" she smiled knowingly and was heartened by his return grin.

Maybe he felt something for her, maybe he did not, maybe she would never know. Maybe she would.

Martha began to wonder if she could put off that medical degree for one more year.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They often lost patients; it was nothing new to either of them. In the four months that Martha worked alongside Tom Martha had experienced deep loss as well as passing lives. They often came to the hospital in the final throes of some otherwise treatable illness. The small child dying of dysentery and dehydration, the young father struck down by non Hodgkin's lymphoma, the most treatable of all cancers.

"Much of this job is knowing when to treat, and knowing when to ease into the next stage of existence." Tom rubbed her back as she attempted to cry as quietly as possible. They had lost an entire family to would be considered food poisoning back home. "We can't save them all Martha, and a doctor who does not cry is a person I would never want to treat me. "

She learned early in life that to cry was to show weakness. No Jones would be caught dead crying. Weakness was one thing, if kept out of sight and to yourself. But, to cry openly was to show a weakness, to allow others to see that you were fragile enough to be hurt. There was nothing worst as a Jones than to openly display weakness. Fighting was one thing, it portrayed strength, the human equivalence to chest beating and pissing in corners. Though not endorsed nor encouraged in the family, it was however tolerated as a necessary evil.

Crybabies were hanged upon sight.

But no one told this to Thomas Arthur Milligan, or to his family. That night, after the last body had been categorized, tagged, and placed inside the morgue tent, the two of them fumbled into in the small closet of a kitchen, Tom held her as she cried, and he cried alongside her. Not in tiny fragile hiccups, he wailed.

She saw it as neither weakness nor a character flaw. In fact, it was his tears that encouraged her to let it out. They held onto each other as the silence of the compound was broken by their ragged sobs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Martha," Tom whispered into her ear. He had assumed she was asleep, but his sweet words and small whips of breath carried her from the land of Nod. She heard his voice the minute he called her name.

She did not stir, afraid to break whatever magic had created this one moment in her existence. As often happens, life is encouraged by the hands of death. The tragic end of the family that night, lead the two of them to something that was both provincial and complex. She listened intently as he whispered the secrets of his universe to her, and then carried her off to her own bed.

After he had tucked her in as a child, he kissed her forehead and stroked the side of her face.

She knew he loved her, and though elated in the surety of this thing, she was frightened in the density of it. He was a complex man, a character of whit and frivolity. His dichotomy of intensities was a frightening mishmash of personality. Martha never considered herself a particularly deep person, and Tom read Voltaire in the original French, Goethe in German, and Cicero in Latin. He learned languages like most people learned to breathe.

Somehow he found her interesting.

This blew her mind in ways his looks never could.

Tom Milligan was a pleasing package on the outside, but inside he was the National Lottery.

When she awoke the next morning, she found an African Violet in a small teacup on the stand nesxt to her bed.

She held it in her quiet hands and wept.

**I did not realize until after i wrote this chapter that i had fashioned Tom after my own love. I miss him, , while he does not wield a Sonic Screwdriver, he is quick on the draw with a stethoscope. **

**I miss you A, **


	19. Chapter 19

**I tried something different here. Thanks for letting Martha have her say, and this is a longer chapter cuz you were all so patient and many of wrote some really good shit that both distracted my own writing and made me get off my ass.**

**Rock On**

He died after they got him to the hospital, surrounded by clean sheets and a well staffed if technologically lacking hospital.

She was not even there when it happened. They had come to get her for the inquest. A student practicing medicine even in an emergent situation, needed to be addressed.

And while Martha was dotting the right I's and putting the correctly spaced hash marks on t=all of their t's, Thomas Arthur Milligan slipped away in relative solitude.

When she returned to see him, she was met with an enshrouded fiancée, and an empty ward.

"Sepsis," the African doctor announced as he emerged from the autopsy theatre. "We knew there was an infection, but he was riddled with it. There was nothing any of us could have done. Sometimes Ms. Jones, it is just our time to go."

Just our time to go.

Martha hated the rationality in death. It seemed everyone needed to find some fucking reasoning for why things happened. Martha knew better. She had learned that death was a physical being that walked among the living, tapping shoulders of the random.

Usually death just liked to fuck with the ones who found joy and love and some sort of reason in life.

The African doctor continued to ramble on about well done stitches and perfected operative technique. But Martha stopped listening enough to be surprised at the man's hand falling upon her shoulder when she failed to nod at the right time. She had completely forgotten she was even talking to someone, let alone a sentient being.

She decided she never wanted to be touched again.

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"Tom?" she shook him slightly, his response was barely coherent. He grunted as his eyes slipped back into his head.

"Tom," she tried once more and realized that the man was down for the count. Martha knew this was her best chance. Deep fragmented breaths hitched their way from her diaphragm as she gathered enough courage to do what had to be done.

With a firm steady hand, Martha Jones, not quite a doctor, made the first precise incision. It seemed that death had its own agenda, and in that was the reminder for the living, the body a memorandum or calling card for those foolish enough to find happiness in life.

Martha decided that happiness was what drew the spectre to you, pointed you right into the path of his chilly bony fingers.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I don't see why we can't just stay here for the holiday; I mean, really I would rather it just be you and I.' Martha even batted her eyebrows for effect, but Tom was undaunted.

Tom patted his errant fiancée for good measure. "You have been away from home for nine months, I would think that they would miss you by now." He fixed a serious glare at Martha. "Besides, most parents find it necessary, even encouraged to meet the person their child plans to marry." He smiled

Martha, still giggly over the recent turn in their relationship, blushed lightly and fretted the small iron band on her finger. There were no Kay jewelers out here, and even if there were, Martha would not have traded his woefully simple symbol for all the gold in California. "Still," she persisted, not meeting his gaze.

"C'mon Martha. Your mother said in her letter that she is excited to see you, and meet me."

"And the divorce still is not finalized." She hedged

Tom nodded but went on as if she had not uttered a word. "We will be back in a few days. The ward is clear of patients, and the truck is coming in two hours. I would suggest getting packed before then, they don't like to wait around. Hard enough to get them out here, let alone getting them to wait around."

That was his way, all hospital corners and finite edges. Martha often wondered what a serious wrench in his plans would cause him. Tom couldn't function unless everything was timed, planned and itemized to the last minutia. It both intrigued and annoyed her.

They did leave, Martha throwing her rucksack into he back of the truck as Tom helped her into it. With a few dozen final instructions to Friday, Tom swung his own body into the truck and the two newly engaged lovers watched their nest fade into the distance.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She sat reading and re reading the books and the texts that Tom had arranged before he finally settled into a nap. Knew she should be resting herself, but she wanted this to go off without a hitch. The doctor on the other end of the radio assured her that this was as routine as a surgery could get.

But next to her, Tom snored lightly and her heart did little skips at the idea of marring that perfectly put together body of his.

Forever there would be a scar that he could point to her and say "you did this"

Martha smiled at the thought that this would be a great story for the kids, and she pictured grandpa Milligan scaring the children as she told the story and he offered the visual punchline.

I can do this.

She told herself again as she arranged everything in the operating room

I can do this.

As she wheeled his body into the allotted spaced.

I can do this.

I can do this, it was a simple mantra as she counted the sponges and metered out the corrected dosages into pristine syringes. She had scrubbed the entire area for two hours before even laying out the instruments.

I Can do this.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It seemed weird to be back in London. Martha had actually grown accustomed to her new more cloying existence. The lights and excess seemed gaudy. Tom seemed to read her mind, or merely spoke from experience when he touched her arm as they exited the taxi. "It'll all come back Martha.' He smiled.

Martha answered with a slow yet unsure nod. The door to the large house flew open as they made their way up the walk. Tish was the first one to meet them and she threw herself in to her sister hard enough to knock her into the snow.

The sisters giggled as they wrestled around in the front yard, becoming ever increasingly covered in snow.

It was Francine who broke it up. "You tow should quit now before we have a repeat of the brown incident."

Tish and Martha broke into uncontrolled laughter at the mention of the incident. "What is the Brown incident?" Tom asked which sent all three into harder fits of laughter.

"Martha never forgave me for being born first. "Tish giggled as she dusted snow off first herself, then Martha.

"Why should I?" Martha insisted. "You should have waited. I was the more responsible one."

Francine rolled her eyes and filled in more information. "These two are only ten months apart. And they fought as if they were twins. "

"Irish twins!" the two added as they all made their way into the house.

Francine frowned at the two but went on. "They got into a fight at school. Apparently over a boy."

"George Whitfield." Martha offered shaking her head free of snow in the front foyer. "He had the clearest blue eyes…"

"And the nicest bum." Tish finished sagely. "Oh we were both mad for that one. "

"The fight spilled out of the school yard and into the street. They rolled around trying to rip each other's hair out."

"I smelled it first." Martha admitted. "By the time I did it was too late for both of us.'

"We were covered in dog shit.' Tish blurted, smiling again at Tom's shocked look.

"Leticia!" Francine admonished. "Such language. And in front of a guest." Francine smiled at the stranger. "You must be Tom." She offered her hand to him. "It's so nice to meet you. Thank you for allowing my daughter to have such a grand adventure."

Tom eyed Martha curiously, "Yeah," Tom smiled. "My pleasure."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tom stormed around the small room that was set aside form the ward. It was the room they used for surgeries and procedures. He rummaged through the drawers and cabinets fishing out equipment. "Martha, pay attention." He heaved, still clutching his side.

Martha paid enough attention in fact she was sure that she was all tapped out of attention. Tom was both lurching and throwing himself around the small room. "Tom, let me get those for you." She tried.

He waved her away and continued to lay out supplies. "You are going to need to make a low transverse incision…" he stopped and stared at her. "Are you listening to me?" he fired angrily. "This is important."

She wrung her hands as he stared right through her. "I," she stammered, faltering right at the moment he needed her. "Maybe we should wait until-"

Tom smashed his hand against the table. "Until what? Until when Martha? No one is due here until Friday. That's three days Martha. I am in the final stages before." He shook his head and began with instructions again.

Martha could feel the trembles working their way through her. It was not the impending duty that scared her, in fact it was such a simple operation she was almost certain she could handle it.

It was Tom that was scaring the all loving shit out of her right now.

Ever since he could no longer prolong nor deny what was going on in his own body, an odd presence had crept behind his eyes. Fear was a good name for it, but Martha knew it better than that. It was the spectre of Death. "Tom, why don't you just sit? I got this." she tried an easy smile in his direction, advancing upon him as if he were in the sectioned ward.

Tom dropped the items in his hands, lurching with hand at his side, he fell into her. "I can trust you with this Martha, right?"

Martha patted his wild haired head and spoke softly to him. "You can trust me Tom, I can do this. Six months ago, I woulda shattered at the thought. But, I met you, and standing in here that day with my duffle, you showed me what I can do."

He seemed to soften in her arms. Tom groaned in pain and Martha knew it had to be done soon. "I love you Tom," she offered as her hands made twists of his soft hair. "Let me keep you safe ok?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By the time sleeping arrangements were handed out, it was clear that the Jones family had no clue about Martha's engagement.

Tom folded his arms and stared at her from the hallway. "They don't know, do they?"

Martha ducked her head and made to leave, but at the last minute mimicked his stance and squared her small shoulders. "No." she admitted humbly

Tom nodded, grabbed his sack and turned to his room. "Maybe you are not old enough for this then Martha. A big girl would have told her parents that she was engaged."

Martha could do nothing but dump her head into her hands and groan with embarrassment. He was always right, but he often had a way of driving that point home.

"Are you feeling all right Tom?" she asked from over the top of her book, he sat next to her in their makeshift double bed. She had noticed his small facial jerks since the bumpy ride from the airstrip after their holiday. Tom was not one for admitting pain or complaining. She knew he thought he was too strong to be felled by anything, and his physical bravado scared the hell out of her.

Tom nodded, and his admission sent fear tickling up her spine. "I think I have diagnosed myself pretty accurately on this one Martha." he took her hand and clasped it firmly in her own. "I think my appendix needs to come out."

Martha nodded and rose from the bed. She made her way to her duffle and began to get dressed. "I'm going to get on the radio and have Smitty come with the truck-"

Tom jumped over the bed, still holding his left side and shaking his shaggy head. "Martha, I already called. While you were with the broken arm, I called and they won't be able to come out here until Friday."

Martha was flabbergasted. "There is no way I am going to believe that there is no one that can come out here for five days. The truck was just here dropping us off with the supplies. How in the hell am I to believe that the truck isn't coming?" She was yelling at him as if it was his fault, and upon closer introspection, Martha figured out that this was his fault.

"Wait a minute, Tom. How long have you been experiencing symptoms of this?" Accusatory was not what she was aiming for, but the hurt in her needed to blame someone.

Tom, for his part, looked acceptably guilty as he spoke. "I thought it was your mother's cooking." He grinned grabbing hold of her hands. "Once we returned here and I was feeling the pains worse, I was not sure. I wasn't sure until today."

"Why didn't you say anything to me about it Tom?" Add whining to the list.

"I did not want you to worry Martha. We were having such a good time at your mother's, and I wanted you to have worry." He words pled his case, he was pleading for her forgiveness, and there was little doubt it would be forthcoming." All right Tom," she soothed, "What do we do then?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She burst the news forth halfway through Christmas dinner.

Francine dropped her fork and left the table.

Clive smiled and raised a glass to the couple

Tish folded her arms and mumbled about how her sister always got the good ones.

Martha followed her mother into the kitchen at the sound of dishes being manhandled. "I figured I should come in here before the entire set from Grandma Jones gets annihilated." she grinned.

"Do you have any idea of what you are doing Martha?" Francine turned on her daughter. "Do you realize that most marriages, especially ones entered into when young, fail miserably."

Martha nodded but stood firm. "And I am sure the same thing was said to you and dad when you two married, oh and look you had to go and prove them right. This is my mistake to make Mum, and I intend to see it through."

"Martha you have no idea how much work a marriage is, not to mention you are not even done with school yet. What are you going to do about school?"

Martha hated how predictable this whole thing had become. The only thing missing was the-

"Is there a _rush_ to get married?" Francine hissed

And there it was. Her mother had hit the too young to get married Trifecta. "Nope, not pregnant. I give you my word on that. We don't even want children for a very long time." she smiled

Francine seemed to deflate from relief. "I just don't think this is such a good idea for you."

"And we are all behind your relationship with David," she nodded.

Her mother sighed, but the dishes remained in one piece, and by the time the couple removed themselves and their freshly laundered clothing from the Jones home, Francine was promising to mail bridal books and wedding plans.


	20. Chapter 20

By the time she finished her story, Martha was in tears, she lie across Jamie's indulging in the cleansing that a good cry often brings.

Jamie continued to rub her back, as he had done the entire time she spoke. He was struck speechless, and kicked himself for the mild jealousy he felt. She had loved this man, and he her. There was a specialness in the first love, a fragility that is not often understood by the person that has become the unintentional third wheel in a long dead drama.

"I can see a lot of similarities in you two."

"Not the kind of thing a lover wants to hear, but in this case, thank you.' He smiled down at her and caressed her wet face.

"You both have so much desire to save everyone, and the adventure spirit. Both of you have those large eggy brains too." She smiled, ruffling his hair. He was happy to finally get a smile out of her after that wrenching admission.

Jamie nodded and let her continue.

"I don't see how I can fairly replace that love with another Jamie. I don't want to wipe away that memory with you. Can you understand that? Can't we just go on the way things have beem keeping the loneliness away for each other?"

"I want more Martha, you knew that."

"Why does there have to be more? Why can't we just keep on? You want to move in together? Fine, let's move in together. We can live anywhere you want. Tom left me everything. We can buy a house Jamie, a few cats, maybe even an office for each of us."

"I want more Martha."

Her eyes darted away from him and she wrung her hands in frustration. "Jamie, I need to hold on to something."

"You still love him." Jamie whispered.

"How could I not Jamie? Someone like that, someone who changed you. Made you grow up and become the person that you are. How could I not still love that image?"

Jamie nodded, "I am sorry you lost him, but he is gone Martha. And I am still here."

Martha said nothing to this; merely dug her head deeper into his side, and Jamie wondered if this act was out of shame that she could not meet his eyes in the face of her admission. Something flittered through his mind about chasing a ghost, and he tamped down an anger he had long fought with. Long ago, Jamie had promised to never aim his anger at someone he loved.

But he was angry, and he had the distinct impression he was going to lose the woman he loved to a memory.

'I am not going anywhere Jamie, but I can't marry you either." She admitted, finally raising her head to meet his glare. "I can't marry you because I would be dishonoring Tom's memory."

A sharp breath and Jamie threw his head back, he could feel the anger building within him, "Martha, I thought all this time that this is what we both wanted."

Martha rose from the couch and began to pace the living room. "Don't you get it Jamie? How many true once in a lifetime loves can anyone really have? If I marry you then that is me saying that what I had with Tom was meaningless. I can't do that to his memory."

"What about me Martha?" Jamie fired back, angrier than he had meant to be, and scared that he was about to really break his promise to himself. "What about the past seven months? Do you think it has been easy for me to lie still, to keep my heels cooling and not go travelling about? Life makes choices for us sometimes Martha. Sure, we make choices, but they are choices that life has dealt us. I want to be with you, I mean forever. I have never misrepresented that to you. But I feel like you have lied to me the whole time. "

"Jamie…" But there were no words she could find to defend herself, and Jamie refused to allow her to even try.

"No, you don't get to try and explain away your feelings, and you sure as a fuck do not get to deny mine. I love you, but I am starting to have serious doubts about how you feel about me."

"So is that any different from your being with me as a replacement for Martha over there?"

Jamie was certain that when the Daleks had faced the glare he fixed upon Martha, that was when the pegged the name The Oncoming Storm. Jamie was certain his glare at Martha would have made even the Doctor run. To her credit, she stood her ground as he unleashed his ire upon her. "I have never sought to replace you Martha. I loved you on my own!" he beat his chest for effect. "I Am Not Him!"

"But you came here with a preconceived love that you sought to replace Jamie."

Her even tone only served to anger him more. How dare she stay calm and rational as she held his heart (the only one he had left) in her tiny hands and watched it slowly beat down into flaccidity?

"I did not come here on my own accord Martha, I was left here."

"Oh poor Jamie, what life made you make new choices?"

"Martha.."

She folded her arms in defiance and continued, firing back at him in the same cadence. "No Jamie, you sit there and tell me to get over everything, to put the past behind me. Aren't I your past Jamie? Didn't you find me? I can't believe this is how you react to someone baring their soul. I told you about Tom and I to explain to you the place he holds for me." She placed her hand over her heart, and for Jamie, that was all he needed to know

"Martha, we should stop here before more is said, things that cannot be taken back."

"So, do you think you can get me over to the other side, see what that Tom is like? Maybe I can hook up with him."

Rational educated people do not argue in the middle of the night.

Rational educated people do not raise their voices loud enough for the neighbors to turn their teles up and beat on the walls.

"You need to leave."

"Jamie, wait.."

"I think you need to leave now Martha. "

She came closer to him, but changed her mind at his steely emotionless glare.

"I think at this point, I would rather be alone."

Martha nodded, gathered her things, and left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was always another man.

With Rose, it was the Doctor, someone he resembled enough to confuse the poor sad girl.

There was always a sad confused girl.

While Jamie could readily acknowledge the similarities in him and Tom, he also had to admit to the distinct sameness in the relationships between Martha and Rose.

He had come here to seek out Martha; he was willing to admit that to himself now. He had known all along that the feelings the Doctor held for Martha over there were as strong as the feelings he felt for his own Martha.

But how could he prove that?

How did he know he wasn't just replacing a feeling.

Jamie drew a long pull from his beer and dug deeper into the couch. He could still smell her all around his apartment, she had ensconced in here as well as he had in hers. The pitiful part of him imagined himself roaming around the apartment tomorrow packing up things that belonged to her. He pictured her doing the same thing in her place, and they would make some awkward meeting where they would trade fake smiles and hastily packed boxes.

Or, worse yet, they would avoid each other for the next year, hiding and licking wounds. Jamie could not imagine putting himself out there again. He determined that he would be alone

Few relationships come back from a refusal of marriage. He had known she loved him, all the signs were there. Jamie had assumed she was ready to move on, and to be with him.

But he had inherited his father's ability to be wrong at the worst possible times.

Jamie finished his fourth beer, threw the dead soldiers into the recycle bin and stumbled to his bed.

Her clothes were still in a pile by the side. He grabbed her cranberry sweater, wrapped it around his face so he could smell her in his dreams, and passed out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So I need to come out and do what exactly?" Jamie was frustrated, first he had to cancel al of his day's schedule, catch a cab across town, and meet Pete in some God forsaken warehouse.

He should have just let the god dammed thing ring, and he would have if it was not for the hangover that sent a hundred mad rabbits dancing across his head,

"I need you to help me figure out how to dismantle that thing for once and for all." Pete took him on a tour of the facility that Rose Tyler had created. The large warehouse housed a dimension cannon that made the old one look like a Tonner Toy.

What the fuck is she planning to do with something that size?" Pete had marveled upon his first look at what his daughter was up to.

"This is what I have been warning you against since day one Pete. You act as if this is such a fucking surprise for you? What part of Get Back to the Doctor did I not mention in English?"

Pete shook his head and thrust a folder into Jamie's hands. "The records are all here I have had my scientists look this stuff over and they are confused. I need you to help me set her technology back at least until I can get better control of this whole thing."

Jamie began to circle the massive structure, both admiring and tutting its existence. "I'll give her this, she certainly has some really smart people on her payroll." He turned to Pete again. "How does she have a payroll again? Oh, right, don't want to hurt the poor little rich girl's feelings. "

Pete said nothing, folded his arms in defense and stared Jamie into irritation.

"Tell me Pete, how close is this thing to being fully operational."

"Its all in the file there Jamie."

"How close Pete."

{ete ducked his head and spoke. "About six months."

Jamie was roiling a headache from all the anger he had experienced over the past two days. "You said you were going to deal with this."

"You said it yourself Jamie. She has really smart people on her payroll."

"Cut Her Off."

"I did Jamie, two months ago, she found alternate funding."

"From where?" Jamie fired in absolute disgust. "Wait, don't tell me." He crawled into the well at the bottom that housed all of the circuitry. Pete could hear a whirring sound and a few choice swear words as the younger man worked.

An hour later Pete and Jamie emerged from the warehouse, Pete attempted to maintain joviality, but Jamie wore his mask of anger and hurt like a grim visage. "How's Martha?" he asked once the two entered the waiting limo.

Jamie fixed Pete with a glare that brokered no further discussion. "I am not going to talk about it right now Pete. Suffice to say that there has been a change in our relationship."

"She said no.' Pete intoned with a loud slow whoosh of air. "How the hell she said no? O we liked her Jacks and I, we were hoping she would be-"

"Pete,' Jamie waved away the conversation, the last thing he wanted to hear was how everyone had planned his life to be. It was bad enough to deal with his own disappointment; he neither wanted nor needed everyone else's."

"I could talk to her or maybe Jackie..."

"Leave it Pete, she doesn't want me, she doesn't want me. There is nothing that will change that.

"Pete, I love you, I really do. I will do anything for you. But if you do not end this conversation right now, we will be making another emergency trip to Oliver's, and we are in far too close of quarters for me to miss."


	21. Chapter 21

There was little that would get to him, but then there was little that would even remove the stony look from his face. Jamie Noble had finally accepted his fate.

Donna tutted his demeanor, but wisely avoided the subject of Martha and any hospital gossip. She even downplayed her recent engagement. But the gaudy ring set upon her long fingers was unmistakable. And, it served to remind Jamie of where his matrimonial drives originated.

"I'm genuinely happy for you Donna, I don't see why you wouldn't want to shout through the entire office about it." He asked,

Donna shrugged as if it was no big deal, but Jamie knew it was a big deal for her. He knew because it was a big deal for him. "It is a big deal Donna, why didn't you want me to know about you and Gregory? What,. You think I am going to fire you over a marriage? Donna haven't you figured out that you have a job here as long as you want one?" he offered her an honest grin, to which she returned and nodded.

"Good deal Egg, cuz I need three weeks off for the wedding and honeymoon." She smiled and gave him a hug. "She loves you Egg, give her some time."

After three weeks and dodged meetings, Jamie figured time was unnecessary. Martha had made it clear that she was not interested, and Jamie respected that. "So where is Gregory taking you for your honeymoon anyway?"

His attempt to change the subject was met with a stern look and a very motherly finger waggle. "Don't you go wallowing around in your own shit Egg." Donna warned. "If she aint gonna marry you, then you go right out and find a girl who will. You aint getting any younger, and Lord knows the women willing to put up with you are few and far between.'

"Oi!" Jamie smiled hugging back. "Its ok Donna, I think this is where I need to be. Saving lives, fighting the good fight, and all that rot." His brave smile did not fool her, but she did not push it.

"All the same Egg, it will stop hurting. I ever tell you about this bloke I had, Lance was his name. Left me for an Amazon. Tall she was, I think he was afraid to not marry her.'

Jamie's face broke into an honest all out grin. "Oh yes, Lance, the fellow with a penchant for pushy women."

"Oi, watch it Needle Boy or I'll have your taxes so kinked up you will be in litigation in the afterlife."

He smiled as he returned to his work and planned a three week holiday of his own. Some time off would heal some of the still raw and seeping wounds.

He found himself looking forward to both Donna's wedding and the time off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You're going _where_ for three weeks?" Pete nearly spit his beer across the bar.

They had stopped into their favorite pub after the game that Jamie had coached. His team lost, horribly, but the boys played hard, and had more fun that the winners. He felt that deserved a treat.

After each boy had gone home, Pete met him for pints and darts. Jackie didn't mind a night out every now and again, as long as he came home only half wasted, and he took her out the next time.

"I am going to spend my vacation helping others in Africa. I think I need a little time off and this is both a holiday and a working break. There are plenty of surgeries that need to be performed by a brilliant neurosurgeon, and I am doing them all for free. "

Pete nodded, "do you need anything? I mean I would love to offer medical supplies or to sponsor you."

"Good, cause that is what I signed you up for. Just give me a blank check and I will handle the rest."

Pete chuckled and slapped Jamie on the back. "You are probably the only person on this entire planet I would turn over a blank check to."

Jamie sipped his beer and looked past Pete. "There is that other thing I need you to look after Pete." He hissed.

"Done." Pete agreed.

Donna had decided that he needed to be an usher in her wedding. Jamie on the other hand attempted everything including out and out bribery to bail out of the obligation. "No way Stick Boy." Donna punctuated each word with a jab to his chest. "You aint getting out of this, I aint gonna let you sit around moonin' and mopin'. This way, at least until I leave next Friday, I can keep an eye on ya, yeah? So now you have to be at the rehearsals, and the parties, and all that. No ducking out."

"Donna,"

"No way Egg, sides, there is going to be plenty of pretty unattached young ladies there who may be happy to have a skinny streak of nothing for an Egg Headed husband"

"Donna-OW! Stop ok, ok!" He pulled himself out of range of her skewers (about a mile away if truth be told) "If you promise to never again come near me with those death sticks, I will be there."

Donna made wiggly spikes with her fingers and giggled as Jamie ducked and ran into the other part of the office. "Ten o'clock tomorrow Space boy," she shouted after him as she grabbed her things to go home. "And you'd better wear something that doesn't have a clever saying sprawled across it."

"Oi, I am clever!' he shouted from a safe distance, adding, "And I'll wear what I like!"

"I'll be sure to give those instructions at the mortuary!"

"Oi!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The wedding went off without a hitch, and Jamie was glad for the distraction. He actually took a sabbatical, turning his patients over to the less than capable hands of Dr. Morgenstern. It would be two months before he came back to his offices. He promised to pay Donna for her time off, and he knew she would not mind the extra time to acclimate to married life.

It was however, not so easy once she discovered where he was off to. "You've got nothing to prove to anyone Egg. You are a good man on your own; you don't need to live in no one's shadow."

If he did not already consider her his mother in many ways, he would have fallen at her feet at that moment and begged for her to adopt him. In one breath, she had said everything to him that he ever needed to be told, from the moment of his tragic birth, he was made to be this person, Jamie Noble, Doctor, friend, and a man onto himself. "He grabbed her into the fiercest hug he had ever given anyone in his short life. Her wedding dress swished around him and she grinned at his display of affection.

"Gawd Egg, I keep tellin' ya to save that for the single ladies, you dope!" But she wiped the tears from her face none the less as he told her he loved her and hoped she had an amazing time in Cancun.

"But not too amazing, yeah?" he smirked." I don't have a maternity leave policy in place."

"Go on you. Just jealous is all. If I wanted two years off you would still have a job for me. You sod."

He smiled, nodded, and waved as the limo drove off into the future.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It must be noted that traveling to another country is nothing as easy as they make it seem in pictures. Jamie was annoyed that he could not merely pop into the TARDIS, set coordinates, and fly there on his own.

He had to wait, fill out forms, file forms, produce bodily fluids, and turn his head and cough.

Admittedly not his favorite part of the trip, not by any stretch of the imagination.

When he finally made it to the actual plane trip day, he only took his doctor's bag, his sonic and his old duffle bag. Jamie considered this luxuriant, since many of his memories recall having nothing more than the clothes on his back and his sonic.

But this was different.

Jamie did not go to Africa to become Thomas Arthur Milligan, nor did he go to prove anything to Martha Marie Jones. Jamie Noble went to Africa to prove something to himself.

The country was not Zimbabwe; he landed in Kenya, in the midst of an economic down turn for a people barely making their way out of a famine that had plagued the country for over a decade.

The hospital was situated in the capital of the country, well staffed, but vastly underfunded. Jamie merely wanted to do some good, something that yielded nothing but a tingle where his second heart never was.

The nurse took him around to his patients. Mostly brain tumors, but there were quite a few head trauma and catastrophic injuries as well as disease of the brain that left the staff there in bewilderment.

He saw them all, from the moment he got there, he set his bag down and began making his rounds. He was given free reign after his tour and began to use his sonic whenever he was sure to be alone. He did not stop at the neurological cases; he looked in on whomever they would allow, and even snuck into a few they were not aware of.

Jamie refused the offer of living in the home of the chief of surgery, he opted instead to sleep in the back of the kitchen, there was a small closet there that the doctors often used between long shifts. Jamie was happy in the cramped little space; he only slept four hours at a time, rising up in the middle of the night to wander the halls of the old rickety hospital.

He would make his way down to the maternity ward sometimes, and in the first week it was his favorite place to visit. Standing in the small room where the nurses cared for the newborns, watching them breathe with new life and new lungs renewed his spirit. He realized that life was too short, at least the life he was given, and he was both blessed and robbed of a life that was now his to lead.

He often stood in an out of the way corner, or sometimes offered to help with either a delivery or basic neonatal care. The nurses giggled at the strange white doctor who made such a fuss over the little ones. He had dreamed of having children especially with Martha. He was now convinced that that is something that was not to ever happen.

And in some odd way, he became both aware of his loneliness, and ok with changing that for something different.

It was in the midnight raids that he met Margaret.


	22. Chapter 22

**I love all the feedback i got on this one,and sorry this is so short, but it is important. I hope that you are all enjoying this, and i hope its not too soapish, i really am sorry that this is shorter than what i wanted, but it is late and i nee to sleep So this is like 21a and i guess 21b will be tomorrow some time **

**Hopefully**

She stood in the hall, in front of the last room in the ward. Tall and stately, slightly stooped over. Jamie approached her with his best 'Trust Me I'm a Doctor' grin. "hello?" he smiled to the silent woman.

She smiled back and shook her head in the universal 'I don't speak that,' gesture, but she continued to smile at him anyway.

He helped her to sit, noting her condition and her obvious state of fatigue. "Taking it a bit too fast there eh?" he grinned, settling her into the hard wooden bench in the corner of the ward. She patted his arm as a thank you and leaned back into the wall

Even in the darkened night time visage of the rickety hospital ward Jamie could see two things; she was easily the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life, and that she could have easily been twelve.

He brought her a glass of water as she fidgeted herself into an easier position, the weight of her pregnancy dragging her down.

A nurse emerged from another room, fussing in a language Jamie did not understand. She led the young pregnant girl back to her room.

In the morning, Jamie made his rounds, and at lunch he stopped to check on the young girl.

"She should not have been out of her bed." The old nurse complained. "For someone who does not talk she gets into much trouble, and makes much herself by the looks of her."

"Why is she here?" Jamie asked

The older nurse shrugged her shoulders and continued to make her notations upon ancient looking charts. "She wandered in like most of them do." She said in an offhanded way, even offering a little dismissive wave as if the entire subject was far beneath her.

"They all do?" Jamie asked looking around the lightened ward. The hallway held fourteen wooden doors, each opening to a room that held four to six women in various states of 'lying in'.

The nurse sighed heavily; placing her work down upon the small desk and fixing her pay attention stare at the confused doctor. "These women, girls, they come here, often half starved, or abused, or raped. All in different circumstances, and all pregnant. We keep them here, feed them, and try to make sure the baby gets some sort of care. Some stay long enough to have the baby, some leave after a few days."

Jamie nodded in understanding. The babies he had been having fun holding, many of them were just left here.

"These women, girls, they come from backgrounds that are not what you are used to in your clean world of McDonald's and Cable tv. The people here try to survive as best they can Dr. Noble. This is not the same as the West." She spit out the last word in a harsh accusation.

"What's the name of the girl I saw last night?" he asked finally.

"We don't know with that one. She just wandered in a couple of days ago. Doesn't talk. We were worried about her, malnourished, dangerously dehydrated."

"No one knows her name?" Jamie asked, aiming sure not to sound as disgusted and angry as he felt.

The little woman in front of him in the starched white nurse's uniform finally offered him a kind smile. "We have been calling her Margaret. She is young isn't she?" she asked, nodding toward the girl's room. "She is due any day, and we are worried about the baby because she is HIV positive."

Jamie again nodded, dumbly struck for any other words. In Kenya, AIDS had torn a hole through the fabric of life here. Entire families had been wiped out, children left to raise siblings as young as ten themselves. Jamie nodded his thanks toward the woman and made his way to Margaret's room.

In Brazil they were street children, in America they were invisible, they were children used for the most precious of things they owned, their own bodies. Jamie had no doubt that Margaret had been used in such a way.

Margaret was sitting up in bed staring out of the window. Jamie smiled at her easy recognition of him. "Hello again." he smiled at the young girl. "I brought you some oranges.

Margaret grinned at the rare treat, passed out an equal share to the four other girls in the room and dug into her prize.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," Jamie nodded and left, not sure why he felt compelled to see the girl again, but knowing he somehow felt a connection to her. Perhaps it was some sadness in her eyes that reminded her of Martha, and maybe himself in many ways.

He still thought of her, in the stillness of the nights when he lie awake in the small closet, often too tired to sleep. He traced his memories and recovered her body time and again in both his dreams and his thoughts. He wondered if he should try to call, reach out, maybe offer a friendship that once was. Jamie imagined he could probably meet with her again in their seat in the third floor cafeteria. He even imagined he would be ok with that, at least for a while. But what happened when the old feelings came rushing back?

What happened when she wanted to share stories about her newest date?

Nope, friends was out, which meant the relationship was dead in the water.

But he still loved her, desperately.

He still wanted her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jamie visited the young pregnant girl three days before she disappeared.

He had gotten busy with the patients that had been brought in from other areas to be treated. He was in and out of surgeries, mostly doing the hard work and allowing the other doctors to close.

It was between a lumpectomy and a neural mapping session that the older nurse came and told Jamie that his favorite patient had gone into labor.

Knowing it was a first baby, Jamie knew he had a while before she would be ready to deliver. He could neither contain, nor understand his excitement at the news. For some reason he felt as if he had been waiting for this.

Fifteen hours later, he ran to the ward.

"You are just in time to deliver if you want to." Sheila, the older nurse's name was Sheila. One of the other nurses had informed him of that during the fifteen hour map.

Jamie grinned big and made his way to the delivery room. Margaret became far less agitated when she recognized him, smiling her appreciation.

Less than an hour later, Margaret delivered a five pound three ounce girl.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He sat holding the little human as Margaret slept off the fatigue of labor. He stayed with the little girl in the maternity ward; he watched the nurses clean and diaper the tiny baby.

Jamie decided he would do something, something that the Doctor would disagree with. Jamie would do whatever he could h=for Margaret, help her get off the streets, find a place for her somewhere. He would make sure this one person would have a chance to survive in an otherwise insane existence.

But in the morning, Margaret was no where to be found.

"That is the way Dr. Noble, they come, have the babies, and they leave. It is not that they do not love the, perhaps it is that love for them that leads them to choose to leave the children here. "

"You just let her leave?" he asked dumbfounded.

"This is not a prison Dr. Noble, it's a hospital. I suggest you try to remember that before your voice goes any higher. "

Sheila was right, and he checked himself before he spoke again. "What happens to the baby?" Jamie asked nodding toward the small crib.

Sheila again offered that indifferent shrug. "The same thing that happens to all of the children left here Dr. Noble, they go to the orphanage. "

Jamie, fully understanding both the necessity of an orphanage and the judiciously callous nature of Sheila, again nodded "And they are adopted, right?"

Sheila turned dark eyes upon the western doctor, filled with both pity and sadness at his naiveté. "Many are yes, and many aren't. Realistically, her mother is HIV positive, and while the girl's tests are negative now, that could always change, or maybe it wouldn't. But how many people are willing to take that chance?"

"But there is a chance she would find a home, right?" Jamie pleaded.

"Honestly Dr. Noble, I don't see what is so horrible about this situation. It happens every day."

Not today it would not.

Not to this child it would not

Jamie excused himself and made for the Chief of Staff's office on the first floor.

Jamie Noble finally called in a favor, and it was a long time coming.

"Pete, I need a favor, no questions asked, no advice offered. I just need it done."


	23. Chapter 23

**For all of you i promised an update, even though i should be asleep**

**Thanks for all the kind words and favoriting.**

He was completely lost.

He sat in the airport, not sure of what he had done, but knowing it was too late to change it.

Jamie Noble, doctor, friend, some time lover.

Father.

That Pete did not try to talk him out of it scared him more than a little bit. His best friend merely took the reins with the consulate and made it happen.

The fact that Jamie was a doctor, as well as a respected person did much to further the paperwork at an exponential rate. Jamie was both overwhelmed and emotionally flabbergasted, especially when the officials in Kenya mentioned that Peter Tyler, world soda mogul and known do-gooder, had personally vouched for his character.

Apparently, other than a mountain of paperwork and a lot of red tape, that was all that was needed.

He sat staring into the small carrier Peter had shipped over, along with a host of necessities he had no idea what were for. He watched the nurses care for the other infants and actually took notes. This amused so many of the workers in the hospital that they tittered every time he whipped out a pen and pad of paper.

He had made the decision just as quickly as he suppose the Doctor had to leave him here in the alternate world. There had been so much he could relate to with that little girl. They were both abandoned into a world they knew nothing about. They were both left alone by the person who should have cared for them most.

He stared into the face of his daughter. He had named her Winifred, because they needed a name for her before they would sign off on the adoption. Jamie gave her his mother's name as a middle name. It seemed right, in fact the whole thing seemed right to him. That he should come to Kenya to find out something about himself, only to find himself in the thralls of a tiny little creature who could fend for herself.

Winifred yawned as if unimpressed by all of his attentions. She did resemble her mother in so many ways, the beautiful face that would give him many sleepless nights in about thirteen years when the boys figured out how pretty she was.

He held her little hand in his and made a promise to her to always be there, to always take care of her and keep her safe. Winifred Noble would never have to worry about being left to fend for herself again.

The others in the airport cast knowing glances at the man with the dark skinned baby. He fussed over her in such a way that it was obvious he loved her. One woman patted his shoulder as she walked by to make her flight.

Twelve hours and one hundred and forty grumpy passengers later, he emerged into Heathrow Airport with i=his daughter. Pete had sent a limo for them and the driver flagged them down.

Pete and Jackie were waiting for them in Jamie's flat. Jackie fussed over what she announced as her first grandchild, and Pete gave him the expected slap on the back.

"What made you do it love?" Jackie asked between coos. "II mea, its just you yeah, and you've got a crazy job and no other family. I mean aside from us yeah.' She smiled at Jamie.

Jamie shrugged and shook his head. "She seemed to need someone; I guess I know what that is like."

Jackie nodded knowingly and led him into what was once his office. They had made a small area with a few things that Jackie claimed he absolutely needed if he was going to play father.

"You need to start thinking about getting a proper place now." Jackie offered wisely. "She needs a yard, good schools. You have to think about all that now." Jackie tickled the baby's tummy before going on. "And she is gonna be a pretty one, she is. You might want to think about convent schools, yeah?" she giggled.

"Don't I know it.' Jamie offered. He sat at the kitchen table holding Winnie as Jackie made coffee and lists. She put a list of numbers on the refrigerator door, notes of things to do, and a list of good doctors and pre schools.

"It's not easy you know Jamie." Jackie placed a cup of tea in front of him and took the baby in her arms. "I raised Rose meself, and it was a chore each and every day. I mean it's too late now innit? I just want ya ta realize whot you are in for."

It was more than a little overwhelming. Jamie had made his decision so quickly that the details were never really considered. It was not until he noticed all the lists and items that the whole thing began to feel real for him.

They stayed long enough to get the new family settled in, promised to visit in the morning to make sure he lasted the night, and left.

Jamie felt lost once he was alone with Winnie. He stared at the baby in his arms and cuddled her closer to him. It felt both weird and natural that he was here, now with her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's a different thing to have a baby when there are others around to help out, but the first night was the real test of Jamie's mettle.

She awoke every two hours, hungry, wet and often full of something.

He had spent the first three weeks of her life at the mercy of others, allowing them to care for her, since he could not. But now it was just she and him, and he began to believe she was hell bent on driving him to insomnia.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I told you to get a girl Egg, I think you may have heard my instructions wrong." Donna smiled holding the little girl in her arms.

Jamie smiled and nodded as he always did when Donna got started.

"I mean, are you trying to upstage me? I go away for my honeymoon and you are the one that comes back in a family way?"

Jamie smiled and nodded.

"I mean, really. What the hell Egg?"

"Language!" Jamie warned, smiled and nodded

"Most people go on holiday and come back with a t shirt and a souvenir, you? You just have to go the distance eh?"

She cuddled the baby against her, cooing and making the oddest noises that Jamie had ever heard. He had learned over the last week that his Winnie loved the sound of his voice. Especially if he read out loud to her. He discovered this by accident as he made the shopping list in his normal habit of saying items out loud so he would remember them better.

Jamie noticed she had inclined her head to hear him. She cooed softly and wriggled in her bouncy chair. "You lie that huh? Shopping lists do it for you? I will have to keep you away from Tesco when you are a teen huh?" he giggled tickling Winnie.

"Or is it the sound of my voice you like?"

He loved to hear her make her noises. She was a quiet and happy baby. Jamie felt blessed that she had decided to not be a colicky baby, and he was sure his neighbors appreciated this also.

Donna continued to coo at his daughter, referring to her as Pooh.

"Donna, why are you calling my daughter Pooh?' he asked feeling a headache coming on.

"Well, what did you expect giving her a name like Winifred? I seriously doubt I am going to be the only one calling her Pooh!"

"She has a really good middle name, perhaps you would like to call her that?" he grinned, waiting for the delivery.

"Oh yeah? Is it Tygger or Piglet?"

"Donna."

"What, it's just a question.' She batted her eyelids innocently.

"Donna." He repeated.

"So, what's the little Pooh's middle name?" she asked again.

"Donna,"

Donna opened her mouth to form the question again, the lips forming into an 'O' upon realization. Jamie loved it, it was as if he could visibly see the light bulb turn on over her head.

Donna clamped her mouth shut, placed Winnie back into Jamie's arms and headed for the bathroom.

Jamie had done something he had thought impossible.

Donna was speechless.

"No maternity policy my bloody arse!" she yelled on her way to the bathroom in his flat.

Well, nearly speechless

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

For the first month or so, Winnie stayed with him everywhere he went. He took her to the games that he still coached, keeping her in a specially covered stroller that kept her warm in the March chill.

Tommy Rollins pointed to the stroller and asked if she was to be the team's new mascot.

Jamie wagged his finger and warned him that any more comments like that would get his ten extra laps.

He took her to the grocer's, pushed her around in the cart babbling to her the entire time. He noticed that there were a lot of women paying him extra attention, he assumed it was toward the baby until Donna doffed the back of his head one day at lunch. "You Dolt! Those women see you as instant responsible Man. A rare quality indeed even in this day and age."

"Oi!" her new husband answered offended.

"These ladies see you as a man that can be a grown up." She went on, ignoring Gregory's obvious discomfort with her generalization of men. "Don't you get tangled up in 'em either Egg. You got one woman to worry about, and that is plenty."

"Don't I know it." Jamie agreed. In truth he didn't want any other woman. He had thought about Martha non stop. But, in his still early days of parenthood, he realized he could not fill all of his time in the past. Martha was something on his white board, a mark, a reminder of what was. Jamie decided that along with filling his life as a good doctor, he was going to be a good father, and nothing more.

But he had imagined he would have heard from her by now. A note or a phone call wishing him luck on his trip, or luck on his journey home, or luck as a father. He was sure the gossip had gotten around the usual means, the main one seated right next to him stabbing baby carrots into his mouth at an alarming rate.

Jamie had heard nothing from her, not even a phone call to retrieve the box of things from her place. Eh had left her box in her locker, along with a small note of love. She had not returned anything of his. Had not even returned a note in kind.

Donna informed him that as her role as official aunt, it was her duty to take the baby off of his hands for a night. "I think tonight would be good for you to get some things done." She smiled at him.

He had no idea how reluctant he would be to turn over Winnie to anyone. "I don't know about that Donna, she has not been sleeping very well, and I think she has a rash…"

"Oh for god sakes Jamie!" Donna laughed. "It's one night, and I have seen your place, you could use a night to get that place cleaned up. When are you gonna start looking for a proper place?"

Jamie sighed, knowing she was right on both counts. While the flat he had rented was a nice one, it was becoming obvious that he would have a hard time sharing the place with a growing child.

He finally caved, allowed Donna to arrange to pick up his two month old daughter and her things, for a night of what she called. 'practice,' a comment that sent a vague mask of panic across the face of Gregory.

He puttered around the house, packing various things that he thought she would need for her first night away. It made a sort of sense to get used to being away from her, Jamie would have to go back to work eventually in fact his patients were due to return to his roster in two weeks. He still had to arrange for child care, and Donna made it clear that if her duties around the office were going to include childcare, then she expected two checks and a nanny.

He got the hint and made registering Winnie in the hospitals day care his top priority that day.

He also decided to go out with Pete and have a little time to himself, maybe check on things over at Cybus to make sure Rose was kept just out of reach of her goals.

The downstairs bell rang, and as Jamie opened the door to holler at Donna for being an hour early, he was met with the sight of Martha Jones.

Jamie gawped at her for a few moments before she spoke. "It is true then?" she asked smiling at Winnie dangling from her father's arm. "You came home from Africa with a baby."


	24. Chapter 24

**I write it every time, but it cannot be said enough. you guys have the nicest words for this little fic, thank you for the reviews and hope this is adequate.**

"Can I come in?" she asked ducked nearer to the door.

Jamie nodded and moved aside for her to enter. He laid Winnie in her bouncy seat and attempted to clear off a space for her to sit on the couch, "Sorry," he mumbled dumping a pile of clean laundry into a basket full of dirty laundry.

"No need to apologize, I am an aunt, remember?"

Jamie nodded again and continued to unearth a spot for Martha to sit. He then shoved aside a pile of toys and sat upon the floor next to Winnie.

Neither one spoke for a while, Jamie massaged Winnie's foot while Martha eyed the baby cautiously. "So what did you name her?" She asked.

"Winifred Donna." Jamie answered mindlessly.

It was Martha's turn to nod at the right part. "So, you gave her your mother's name for a middle name. that is sweet. Donna must be thrilled. "

"She is."

"Winifred is a good name."

"Is this what we are now Martha? Strained small talk?"

Martha ducked her head down and nodded simply. "I came here to talk to you, see how you are…"

"And?" Jamie pressed.

The door bell sliced through the awkward silences that had grown in the room. Jamie rose from his seat to let Donna in. By the time the two had entered, Martha was holding Winifred and cooing at her like a pro.

"Well, I think someone has made a new friend." Donna breezed as she gathered the things that Jamie had put together for Winifred's first night away from home. Martha continued to hold the baby as Gregory set up her car seat in the car.

Jamie rattled on for twenty minutes before Donna assured him that her cell phone worked fine and he had fewer instructions for the last surgery he preformed. "I can call if I have questions." Donna huffed dragging Gregory out of the house. "And don't you show up at my door, I will drop her off when I am good and tired of her." Donna warned before gently removing Winnie from Martha and heading for the door. Donna offered Martha a mysterious look before finally leaving.

Jamie could not describe how suddenly bereft he felt of his daughter's presence. He had to keep reminding himself that it was only one night, and anyway, soon he would have to be away from her every working day.

His eyes finally fell upon Martha and he made his way to the kitchen. "Tea?"

Martha nodded and followed him into the kitchen. "I left your things in your locker, did you get them?" he asked as they worked together to make the team in long practiced movements well learned over their five month relationship.

"And the calls and notes?" he asked, still not meeting her eyes.

"I got them, all of them, and like a little girl I ran." She admitted to Jamie's surprise. "I was a coward, the irony is that was the one thing Tom changed in me, or at least I thought he had." Martha sighed and went on. "I know that we said a lot of things that night-"

"We did, and I think that there were things that had to be said between us Martha. But, regardless of how we left it, I am so glad that we did have that fight. In a lot of ways for very big reasons, I am very glad you said no.'

Noting Martha's shocked and hurt look, Jamie went on. "If you had said yes, I never would have gone to Africa, I never would have met Margaret, I never would have adopted Winnie.'

Martha nodded, erasing the pained look from her face. "What's it like? Being a Dad I mean." She asked

Jamie smiled at the thought of his daughter. "It's like the most painful thing in the world you take that and wrap around it all the joy, and happiness, and wonderment in the world, and you are not even close. You know, sometimes I get down onto the floor with her, and I try to see the world through her eyes. It Is Humbling."

"I am glad you have her. She seems to have changed you in a lot of ways. You are more quiet, not so random or flighty. That is a good thing." She grinned.

Jamie smiled back, the silence crept back into the room when they weren't looking.

"Jamie, what I did was wrong, I readily admit that. I know we said a lot of things that night, and you were right to send me off. I was behaving like a child who was told she had to give up her security blanket."

"I think we were both wrong. I was pushing for something you obviously weren't ready for, and I guess that is an attribute from my mother. " he smiled here and ducked his head. "You should have seen that wedding." He smiled.

They sat down and talked, well Jamie talked and Martha listened. He told her about Donna's wedding, and Africa and Margaret.

Martha understood why he could not leave Winifred alone. She understood his need to save someone in the place of his being saved. "She was all alone there, and I felt, I felt all over what I felt that day at bad Wolf Bay." Jamie confided.

"The Doctor would have tutted at her lot in life, and rationalized that fate was fate, and this was hers. Or, if her were feeling magnanimous, or perhaps goaded by some overly compassionate companion, he would have found her a good home somewhere. I decided to do exactly the opposite of what he would have done. I took personal responsibility for my own actions, and I am so lucky sometimes I think that I am dreaming having her and someone is going to wake me and tell I was dreaming the whole thing."

"But I get it Martha, I get it how you can love someone so much you fear all others filling any part of you after they go. Winnie's mother was HIV positive, there is no way to tell if she will have it or not. If I lose her, I would never want another child to fill that space."

"Has she been tested?" Martha asked softly.

"About a dozen times. And so far so good." Jamie blew from tightened lungs. There was no one else save from Oliver and Winnie's doctors that he could talk to about this. Everyone knew she may have HIV, but it was something that was left on the doorstep, Jamie awaited the first person to treat her differently and he was sure he would land himself in jail.

Martha reached for his hand, a gesture that seemed to transverse the Grand Canyon instead of a small wooden table from IKEA. She smiled as her hand came into contact with his, and it was as if the past three months had not gone by without each other. In that instance that old connection had made another spark, but somehow, it was different and they both felt it.

Somehow it was stronger.

Somehow they had gone through a fire and came out reborn and rekindled.

Their apologies meant nothing, they were unnecessary because each had done what needed to be done to become stronger people.

He held her hand firmly and smiled back at her. "So, where we go from here Martha?" he asked

"We go for a ride, grab your coat its freezing out there."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The taxi stopped at the address Martha gave. It was a modest set of row homes in a decent neighborhood. Each little house had a garden in front and a well tended lawn. Jamie peeked out of the window of the cab as Martha paid the driver. "You gonna hide in there all day or come out and see what I have been up to for the past three months?"

Jamie smiled and followed her up the path to the house on the end. It had a bigger lot and a nicer paint job than the others. Martha produced a set of keys and unlocked the door. "I live here now." She offered.

"Well, that's pretty obvious, the keys were a dead giveaway. "

Martha stuck her tongue out at him and shoved him through the door.

It really was a nice home, and Jamie could see that she had taken great care to fill her home with things that she thought would fit both of their lives

And then it hit him.

"Let's have some lunch, yeah?" Martha answered his confused but happy smile.

"So, what made you buy this place?" Jamie asked as they cooked together in the same way they had prepared tea at his flat.

Martha sighed and spoke evenly and directly at him. "I needed to so something permanent. I told you that Tom ad left me everything; everything was a lot of money Jamie. I never touched it, kept it sitting and growing for the year and a half since his death. When you asked me…" she cleared her throat as if for strength. "When I turned you down, it struck me that I was afraid of anything being permanent. It dawned on me that the thing that scared me most about marrying you was the permanency of the thing. That if we married it would be announcement of something that is forever, and that Tom was not."

Jamie opened his mouth to speak, but Martha raised her hand to halt his words. "Jamie, this is not about Tom, and I apologize for allowing him to be the third person in our relationship. He is gone, he is not coming back. I have made my peace with that, mostly through losing you."

"You never lost me Martha, just misplaced me for a while." he smiled taking her hand in his.

They settled at the table, Jamie across from Martha. Neither one really wanted to eat, it was the closeness of being together in that small but tidy kitchen that they both craved. They ate in silence, but a more comfortable one than before.

Jamie called Donna to check up on Winifred. Donna offered him a few suggestions on how to get stuffed and reminded him that her nails were just done and if he screwed things up with Martha again she was sure to put them to good use. "And quit checkin' up on me, you act as if I am going to make off for Holland with yer Winnie."

Jamie agreed not to bother her again while she was 'motherin', and promised to give Martha every chance to explain herself before he made any decisions. "It aint just you now Egg. Make the choices for both of you. She don't need something that is going to fall apart after a little while."

"I think I got a handle on things here Donna, we are just settling up, you know, apologizing for things and trying to make amends."

"Well, like I said, I like her egg, but its different now, you have to think about what is right for both you and if she is the right thing then great. If you like it then I love it.' Donna affirmed, and he could hear Winnie gurgling in the background, reminding him of how much he missed her.

Donna's mothering was really what he needed, and he thanked her for her wisdom before hanging up the phone, right after reminding her to burp Winnie after feedings and check the rash on her bum and not to put too much cream on it.

Donna reminded him that she was taking Tae Bo classes and hung up the phone from any further instructions.

After lunch was cleaned up, Martha offered to take him on a tour of the house. She showed him room after room of the three bedroom home. The downstairs office was the final stop on the tour.

"It's big enough for all of the stuff that is hanging around your flat, you know all that junk that you call nostalgic or necessary. I think that we could—"

Jamie raised his hand and shushed her. "Wait, what are you saying here Martha? Are you asking me to move in with you?" he asked, voice trembling more than he would have liked to admit.

"No," Martha stood, arms folded, head held high, "I think we should get married."


	25. Chapter 25

**Cannot say enough about the nice words from all of you. I appreciate your stopping by and leaving a note. It means a lot because it is nice to see i am not the only one truly enjoying this little fic. **

His first reaction was anger, he felt it rise into his throat and his words nearly choked on the raw ire. But, in the split second before he spoke, he got himself under control, drew a deep breath, then spoke. "Why now Martha? We have neither seen nor spoken a single word to each other in three months, and now you want to pretend that everything is the way it was before?"

"Isn't it?" she insisted simply.

Jamie started to shake his head, but stopped. In many ways things were different, but was it a bad different or a good different? He wasn't sure. He began to examine how he really felt for Martha. He loved her, of course he did, how could he not? But, in the three months since he chased her out of his apartment, and out of his life, Jamie had changed. A definitive and noticeable change that made it difficult to give an answer to her question.

He wanted to say yes, and after the rage at her question subsided, he realized that his mouth had begin to wrap itself around the word. Jamie gave his head a noticeable shake and went on. "Martha, I ="

She shushed him this time and came closer to him, taking his hand and pressing it against her heart. "This beats for you Jamie. It always has. I sat in that apartment and dreamed of ways to talk to you. I was so ashamed of myself."

"We don't need to get married for you to feel as if you have made amends to me Martha, we're good." He smiled kissing her forehead.

Martha shook her head and continued. "You don't understand Jamie, I was miserable without you. I was near sectioned. My mother and sister were beside themselves. And you were lucky to have gone to Africa, because I think at least one of them would have shown up at your door with a shotgun and an ultimatum."

Jamie chuckled and moved her into his arms. This was where he longed to be for the past three months. Even when his journey led him to ultimate happiness, he dreamed of being here. "I wished to have you by my side while I was adopting Winnie. I kept looking to my side to say something to you about it, and it would be like a knife in my heart to find that little spot empty."

"Little?" she grinned into his chest.

"I like how little you are Martha; you fit right under my chin. Perfect."

"So, is that a yes?" she asked looking up at him.

"It's an I love you, but I don't think I can commit to anything like that right now. I have had some major changes in my life lately. It's not just me anymore Martha and you have a propensity to run."

Martha nodded, "I know, and I promise to never leave your side again Jamie.. But, I am adult enough to realize that a promise is not good enough, you need proof."

"And marriage is not going to prove that Martha, if anything it will only make things worse. You do understand that my daughter may well be dying, right?" He looked directly into her eyes as he informed her of this fact. Jamie had to deal with this every day. No one was sure of Winnie's health, and he lived with the spectre of death hovering over him as surely as he lived with that beautiful little girl.

"I know," she nodded again, drawing her head into his chest again. But I want to be there for her, and for you. I want to wake up next to you. I want to be there with Winnie for everything"

"What happens if she gets sick and dies Martha? I took this on knowing full well what I was walking into. You have already dealt with so much loss; I don't think it is fair to heap that loss on top of more. Winnie is my daughter, she is my responsibility."

Martha pulled herself out of his arms suddenly. "So I cannot share in her life? Are you saying that because she may be dying that I should not care about her?" Martha flared.

Jamie had known her to be a fierce woman, but he had rarely been on the wrong side of her ire, and he was more than a little afraid, "Martha-"

Martha shook her head and Jamie saw hurt in her eyes. "You don't want me near your daughter?" she accused in a small fragile voice that Jamie was not used to hearing from her. "I guess I have my answer don't I?"

Jamie tried to grab for her arm as she turned and headed out of the room. He watched her climb the stairs and disappeared around the wall. As he opened his mouth to challenge her leaving, she popped her head back around the wall. "Just to be clear, I am not running, I need to gather myself before I say something hurtful or feel worse than I already do."

He nodded as she turned the corner again.

A second later, her head once again emerged from around the wall. "Please don't leave, " she pleaded before disappearing again.

He had no intentions of doing that. If it required that they hug then one out, then that is what they would do.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was an hour before Martha emerged from upstairs again. She had changed clothes and looked as if she had been crying the whole time. Martha offered him a sad smile before hugging him from behind and thanking him for sticking around. "It's what I do." He grinned kissing her arm.

Martha slid in next to him on the couch and sighed. "What do we do now Jamie?"

She asked in that same small voice that scared the shit out of him,

Jamie turned to her and kissed her, "I don't know." He offered.

"I want this so badly, and the only person I have to blame for the loss this time is myself. " she sniffed.

"Don't Martha, we have been over this. We both wanted different things."

"And now?"

"Now, I think we need to find our way through all of this. It can't be the way it was before Martha, I am a father now."

"I understand that Jamie, but why can't I be a part of that? Is there no room in your life for me now that you have Winnie?"

"I have to make decisions for the both of us now Martha. I have to keep her safe; I have to be there for her. I am literally all that she has."

"How bad would it be for her to have more people to rely on?" Martha asked. "I want to be there Jamie, regardless of what tomorrow brings I want to be there.

Jamie wanted to let her, but in the end, he realized he could not allow any more pain in her life. The selfish part of his humanity questioned if she would leave him if Winnie died. Martha's reactions to loss seemed to be to run. He was not only protecting himself, but his daughter too. "Its just, I need time to think about all of this Martha. Three months is a long time, we have both changed so much.

Martha nodded, "well, I had to try though Jamie."

Jamie squeezed her tight. "I am glad you did. I think if we start off slow maybe we can get back to where we once was." He offered, though his heart was screaming at him to run and hide in her arms and never emerge.

Martha nodded, "I'd like that. Maybe we can go out for coffee or dinner sometime?" she offered with that bleak smile. "I wanted this so much," she sighed with a glance around the tasteful room. She rose and made her way to the front door.

Jamie nodded and gave her another hug. "I think that is for the best."

"Well, I already packed a bag and I am going to head out now. The keys and everything are in the kitchen. There's food in the fridge and a list of places nearby that you need to know about. Also the garbage comes on Fridays so you want to-"

"Wait, what?" Jamie sat up

Martha turned to him from her spot by the door. She offered him a look as if his second head had just dawned on her. "Don't you get it Jamie?" she asked hefting her duffle on her shoulder at the sound of the taxi. "I bought this house for us, for you. It's in your name. I was living here to be closer to the idea of you. But, if we aren't going to be together, I think its best that I leave you to get settled in." she offered him a smile and stood on tip toes to kiss his astonished face. "This house is yours, Happy something." She giggled and dashed out of the house to the impatient cab.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jamie stood in the living room watching her cab drive away. He was struck dumb by the gesture, and looking around he realized that there was little here that had been in her apartment. What is what she said was true? Had she really bought the house to be together with him so that they could start a life?

He moved from the front window and made his way into the kitchen where they had made lunch together. He could not stay here, could he?

In the cabinet drawer was the deed to the house, clearly marked with his name. She had done everything to legally give him an entire house. How do you turn that down?

He thought about calling Donna, but the memory of her ire kept him from making the call. He made his way upstairs to the bed where he was sure she had been sleeping and wrapped himself into her scent. It helped him go to sleep.

The doorbell woke him up the next day, Jamie noted that he had slept until two in the afternoon and wondered if that was due to exhaustion, or a seriously sprained heart.

Donna bustled into the house, with her new husband bringing up the rear toting everything but the baby. "So I am now ready to hand her back to ya Egg." Donna grinned placing Winnie in her father's arms and looking around the house.

Jamie relished in having his daughter in his arms again, he loved the feeling of her weight in his hands. At almost two months, Winifred was becoming quite a little chunk.

Donna smiled at his fussing over her, he cooed and asked her is she had fun with her Aunt Donna."Oh we had a blast, and let me tell you, that one can not only keep a secret, she can hold her liquor quite well." Donna giggled.

Jamie held onto his daughter and smiled as Winnie graced him with a full lipped grin. "She smiled!" he beamed. "Where did you learn that at Winnie?"

"Oh she started that last night while we were watching Dancing With the Stars. She was smiling the whole time with me, weren't you Pooh?"

Jamie sighed, trying to not show his disappointment at missing one of her milestones. "Well I appreciate you dropping her off…." A thought struck Jamie so hard, he nearly fell off of the couch. "Wait a tick Donna, how did you know I was here? In fact how did you know to come here."

Donna began to make her way to the kitchen. "I should make us a pot of tea," she through over her shoulder to the two men in the living room. "I have a feeling one of us is going to need it in a few minutes."

"Donna," he accused rising from the couch. "What did you know about all of this?"

Donna continued to make the tea as she ignored his questions. "Donna, was this whole thing a set up? You taking Winnie for the night, I mean I am not upset I just. I don't know Donna."

"Well," Donna huffed setting the tea at the table as Gregory came and removed Winnie from Jamie. "Fat lot of good that did innit? I mean she aint here is she?"

"No, she is not; she wanted to just pretend that nothing had happened. She wanted to go on with a marriage and act as if she had not run away from me."

"Well damn it Egg, who told who to leave?"

"That was to keep from hurting each other anymore."

"Who went to Africa?" Donna pointed as if she did not know the answer.

"I needed to find myself Donna." He defended. "And I don't see how any of this has any bearing on-"

Donna huffed, "Looks like to me you found more than just yourself. I mean don't get me wrong Egg, I think Winnie has been the best thing for you, but have you taken the time to think that maybe a small part of you took on that baby as a means to stave off the loneliness? What happens if she does dies from AIDS Egg? Are you going to tighten yourself up into a ball and hide?

"OR, worse yet, what if she lives Egg? How long is she going to let you hide behind her? Eventually she is going to grow up, find mates and a fella, and have her own life. Then, where will you be?"

"I am not hiding, you said so yourself Donna, that I have to make decisions for the both of us. This is the best thing for the both of us."

"Who really has been running this time Egg, and who has stayed in the same place for three months, trying to undo any hurt that has been done." Donna rose from her tea and began to direct her husband out of the front door.

"You never bought me a house." Gregory mock pouted as they put their coats on.

"You are lucky I let you pay the bills in mine!" she threw back at him. "Get your coat on and quit sassing me or you'll have a chance to find that woman fool enough to by you one."

"Donna," Jamie asked watching her from his perch by the hallway with his daughter in his arms. "What should I do?" he asked in that same frightened voice that scared him coming from Martha.

Donna stopped her preparations and fixed a very motherly look upon her not son. "How in the Hell should I know?" she fired, slamming the door behind her.

He looked down at Winnie, who had found her feet as tasty as her fist once was. "What do you think Winnie, do you want to live here?" he asked her.

She gurgled around her big toe, but offered no sage advice. Jamie was on his own for this one.


	26. Chapter 26

**Sorry this took so long we all know that RL is a real bitch Thanks for the kind words, you are all so great.**

He was a desperate man.

A phone call from his lawyer had sent him into a panic. Not over anything remotely serious. But Jamie was informed that if he wanted to maintain all rights to Winnie, he had better show up to court to sign the last round of papers.

Today.

But, with Pete and Jackie away in France for a much needed vacation, and Donna off with Gregory to visit his family for the last few days of the sabbatical, Jamie was hard pressed to find anyone to watch Winnie for him in a pinch.

"Well, can't you just courier them over and I will sign them and messenger them back." He offered, making a valiant effort to get his daughter to at least try the mashed peas.

"No can do James." Pete seemed to have a penchant for Americans, first Oliver his therapist, (right now on the short list of someone to take the Muffin long enough for him to show up in court) and then the lawyer Pete arranged to handle the messier parts of Jamie's life. Jamie wondered if his friend was trying to tell him something.

Jamie sighed and felt no joy in Winifred's brief acceptance of the peas. Smart girl she was, she held them in her mouth long enough for her father to look the other way before letting them dribble onto her bib.

Ignoring her open defiance, and smartly realizing that this would be the first in a long string of rebellions, Jamie opted to agree to meet Armand at the court and to have a suitable babysitter for Winifred.

He called the one person he knew he could count on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Everything is in here." He nodded showing her the room that he had set up for Winnie. Jamie had spent an entire week moving things around in the sunny room with the slanted roof. He even painted it yellow to make it as bright as possible.

"I really like what you have done with everything Jamie." She smiled as she wandered around the room.

"Thanks, I never thought I would get everything moved in."

Jamie showed her the bottles, the nappies, and toys. Everything she would need for her over the course of a year instead of three or four hours. "Is she allergic to anything? Are there medications she needs to take while you are out?"

"She gets her AZT and the inhibiter in the mornings. I already gave her the shot for this week. The doctors are very cautions with her right now. She is still negative, but they like to remind me of that possibly changing."

Martha nodded and listened to his warnings about universal precautions and rubber gloves during changing. "Its just better to be safe than sorry right now, Martha. They don't know anything except that her mother was only HIV positive, not full blown AIDS. It is possible that she dodged the bullet on this one, but…"

Martha nodded and snuggled Winnie closer to her. She kissed her on her forehead and made a waving motion with the baby's hand.

"Yeah, yeah I get it, need to go. Important stuff at work here." He nodded and leaned over to kiss Winnie. Jamie was perplexed at his actions as he leaned in to kiss Martha's cheek. "Thank You" he whispered near her ear.

"I told you, I really wanted this." She whispered back, leaning into his brief touch. "Maybe we can talk when you get back?"

He nodded absently, no really committing to anything. Jamie was not ready at that moment to be anything more than a man in a hurry to get to court.

"I like the beard." She offered with a grin.

He rubbed his face and smiled. "I just wanted something different,"

"I know the feeling," Martha agreed.

Jamie quickly grabbed his paperwork and left the house.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Six hours and a very tired train ride later, he was home. He had signed, initialed and thumb printed in triplicate, his eyes hurt, but he was clearly a happy man.

Winifred Donna Noble was finally completely his. She could never be taken away, or returned to anyone. Her birth certificate bore his name. She was finally home.

Jamie found them in the kitchen when he got home. He had come in and left his coat on the rack, struck by the happy feeling in his heart at knowing she and Winnie were there waiting for him.

He crept into the room to find her dancing around with Winnie to one of his favorite songs.

"Gonna close my eyes

Girl and watch you go

Running through this life darling

Like a field of snow."

She sang in a soft voice, Winnie gurgling as Martha dipped and moved with her, Jamie stood in the doorway watching the interchange. Martha had not spent much time with Winnie, she was not allowed, he had kept the two away from each other, but any casual observer would believe that Martha had given birth to Winnie. She held the child as a mother would. Winnie seemed happy to be sung to, gurgling along to Martha's soft voice.

"….there's things I might have said

Only wish I could

Now I'm leaking life faster

Than I'm leaking blood.

She did not see him, and for that he was glad, for he felt as if he had intruded onto a private moment between the two of them. Despite all of his meddling, Martha was bonding to Winnie, and it scared him in so many ways that he was dizzy enough to slump into his couch.

She had said she wanted this, but she had no idea what it was like to live every day wondering how long you have with someone. He was protecting so many people from pain that he wasn't sure if he could anymore. He was keeping himself form Martha so that she did not hurt him, keeping Martha away from Winnie to avoid her hurting Winnie, and to avoid from Martha getting hurt at Winnie's possibly inevitable death.

The song started over again, and that was when it hit him. He was behaving like the Doctor. E was assuming that no one could handle pain and loss but him, and that everyone else was so fragile that he had to protect even those that needed no protecting.

Whether they wanted it or not.

It was a slap in the face to his carefully constructed personality. All of this time, he thought he had overcome so much of what the Doctor was, but in truth, he had done exactly what the Doctor would have done. In the face of Martha admitting everything to him, he had turned off to her, cold, indifferent, and sent her away.

He had treated his Martha no better than the Doctor had treated his; and the realization made him sick to his stomach.

It was not fair to anyone, not even himself that he attempt to hold those at bay who want to care for each other. Jamie had worked hard to become his own person, but he realized that this trait of control ran deep in his DNA. He did not want to keep them apart anymore. He wanted a chance to walk into this house every day with their smiles and laughter, he wanted to live, not just dodge the memories of someone else.

She had been the only person to come when he needed, she was always there. Perhaps there were some frailties, but who didn't have them? Would she run if things go bad? Maybe. But she was here, and maybe the now was more important than the what if.

The song began again, and Jamie knew. He just plain knew. He rose from the couch, and entered the kitchen.

Martha smiled at him and gave Winnie the "Where's Daddy." Nudge. Winnie gurgled and smiled at his silly grin.

Martha tugged at the shirt she wore, it was his Pi shirt solved to the ten thousandth place. "I hope you don't mind I had to borrow one of your shirts." She smiled shyly. "She really does hate mashed peas."

Jamie nodded sagely. "And she has fantastic aim. And, that is the shirt that I wore when we met." He grinned again.

Martha smiled along with him, he could see her shoulders relax with is easy manner. "She is a good baby Jamie. I don't think she cried once."

"Sure, show off for company," he waggled at the infant. "The moment I get you alone its scream your bloody head off innit?"

He kissed his daughter, "I am going to put her to bed, and then we are going to talk." He nodded and made for the stairs.

He had settled into the rocking chair with a bottle and a freshly changed daughter when he heard her call or him. Jamie sighed heavily and placed the bottle on the dresser.

"Well, it would be a lot easier to get her to sleep if you weren't screaming like a Cartholian Banshee." He grumbled.

He jammed his mouth shut at the sight in front of him, just at the bottom of the front stairs stood Rose Tyler.

"Hey," she offered making a funny movement with her head.

Ignoring her prompt, Jamie instead felt it necessary to remind her of the rules they had installed after his last visit to see her. "I thought we agreed that you would call before you dropped by Rose." Jamie insisted. It was not a question for the blond girl fidgeting in his yard, more of an open threat.

"Yeah, well" again the funny tic, and that was when Jamie noticed someone was with her. Jamie felt a small gasp emanate from his mouth, whether it was surprise or annoyance he was not sure.

Someone familiar.

Jamie and the Doctor stood eyeing each other with the same moniker of disdain and disbelief. He no more wanted to see the thing in front of him, than he was sure the thing wanted to be seen by hin.

Yet there they were, together, occupying nearly the same space and time.

In the briefest of moments he was glad to see the two of them together, he hoped that the Doctor would take rose, and her nutty behavior and be gone from their existence. No more midnight raids to her labs, no more desperate calls from Pete, no more fear of the very fabric of reality being ripped out from underneath him.

But, Jamie Noble knew the Doctor, almost as well as he now knew himself. One year ago, he would not have been able to delineate the two. But oh, what a difference a year had made. The man in the blue suit was no longer him, he was staring at the man in the blue suit, and he was sure of the differences as sure as he was of his love for his daughter.

"Martha, can you take Winnie into the kitchen?" he asked, surprised at the steadiness of his voice.

Without another word, she silently took the baby from his arms and slipped into the house.

"I need your help." The Doctor asked.

Jamie nodded, and motioned the two of them into the house and closed the door behind them. It was shaping up to be a long day.


	27. Chapter 27

**I wanted to make a better exchange between the Doctor and Jamie than the stilted one in the other story. Some dialogue has been altered and edited and changed. to those surprised by the turn of events, **

**Did i mention that all the wonderful comments have made me smile, each and every one of them?  
**

They eyed each other from across the small office. The Doctor fiddled with idle things around the room, and Jamie concentrated on his breathing, attempting to not think about what Rose and Martha were doing in the other room, with his daughter.

"Sooo…" the Doctor prolonged, not meeting his eyes. "Martha Jones eh?" he made a clicky sound with his tongue and winked at Jamie. "What did you do? Threw yourself of a building during her shift at the A and E?"

That was it, he was fine with the impromptu visit from his erstwhile 'father'; cool with the drop in of his former insane lover. Jamie was even amenable to the whole 'drop by and ask for help' situation the Doctor seemed to embody. But the man was insufferable when face with jealousy. Jamie held enough of his memories to realize that there was a large enough part of the man across from him that envied the scene he came upon. "I am really not ready to have that conversation with you Doctor." Jamie shrugged, eyeing the door. He stood and made a motion to leave.

"Wait, wait," the Doctor sighed, "All right," he raised his hands in mock defeat. "All right, I came here to try and find out why the universes are starting to crack again."

"Isn't it obvious?" Jamie fired back to his twin.

The Doctor blinked three times before answering. "No, it's not obvious. There are Cybermen bleeding over to the other side from here."

"Not from here, " Jamie corrected. "If they were from here, believe me I would know, I know a lot of things, but I can tell you those Cybermen are not coming from here."

The Doctor tried to cover the look of confusion from his face, but again, Jamie relied upon his memories from the other man to read the mysterious expressions. The Doctor slumped into his chair and ,ade a few test spins. "The baby," he began chin in the air with the surety of knowledge. "Not really yours is it?"

Jamie sat back upon the futon and placed his hands on his knees. "She is mine, in every way that it counts." Jamie defended. "And I thought you needed my help, this is turning into a family bloody reunion."

"I just," the Doctor waved his hand in explanation. "I don't feel her, you know?"

"Do you feel me?" Jamie whispered, surprised at the fear he felt for the answer.

But, to his surprise, the Doctor nodded, still spinning in Jamie's chair. "I feel you in an odd way. Its not like I feel other…"

Jamie nodded by way of dispelling any need for explanation.

"I feel you like a radio on in a distant room, where you cannot quite make out what is being said, but you can tell what kind of music is playing. " He did that odd neck role thing again before standing up and pacing the floor. "Anyway when I got close to-"

"Winifred." Jamie filled.

"-Winifred, I did not feel anything. You adopted her."

Jamie nodded again, "She needed me; she needed someone."

"So did you." The doctor affixed, not meeting his alter's eyes.

Jamie nodded back, feeling oddly comforted at this talk with the person he once was. "I, Martha and I aren't really married. We were close, I guess in some ways we still are." Jamie straightened and clamped his mouth shut. "What do you need form me Doctor?" he asked, suddenly conscious of to whom he was baring his soul.

"I need you to tell me what you know."

Jamie nodded and moved to his file cabinet. "Your ex has been busy." Jamie accused over his shoulder.

The Doctor cringed at the accusation, but did nothing to decry it. He shrugged and sat back down dramatically in the large desk chair.

He drew a large file from the cabinet and placed it on the desk in front of the Doctor. "This is what she has been up to. I have been undoing her work for the past year. She is hell bent on getting back to you, please tell me you are here to take that poor creature away in the TARDIS"

"And, what about you? Do you want to come away in the TARDIS too?" the Doctor asked with a sidelong stare into Jamie's face.

Jamie shook his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "There was a time a lifetime ago when that was all I wanted, but…"

"But?" The Doctor nudged.

"But, I have a life here." Jamie went on with a small movement of his head in the general direction ogf the small green kitchen. "I have the life I want, the life I know you always wished you had."

"The dreams of extraordinary men are often the simplest," The Doctor nodded.

""You have a high opinion of yourself." Jamie grinned.

"Oi!" The Doctor shared the grin as he opened the file. "I don't even know what you go by here." Another sweeping hand gesture. "What do they call you?"

"Jamie, Jamie Noble." He nodded.

The Doctor stiffened in his seat. "Is, is she here?" he whispered.

"She's my office manager and a damn good one too." Jamie smiled.

"She ok?" he asked in that same quiet voice.

Jamie nodded, "She is fine, full of piss and vinegar. She is both horrified and humored at our sharing a name. And, know, she knows nothing. But, I am grateful to have her near."

"Well, of course, I mean, for all practical purposes…" the Doctor shrugged.

Jamie nodded his agreement. "Yeah, she is a remarkable woman, no matter the universe."

The Doctor nodded "Always like Jamie McCrimmon. There was a lad who could take it with the best of them,"

Jamie watched the Doctor read over all of the information. He slammed the file shut after fifteen minutes and slipped it into his coat. "I will handle this; she will not unmake reality for her own happiness." The Doctor slammed into the chair again and stared at Jamie for a long while. "So what do you do here?"

"I'm a doctor." Jamie said with more pride than he realized.

The Doctor threw his head back and laughed. Jamie was momentarily horrified at the slight, until he caught the joke. "Oh this is good!" the Doctor offered, clapping his hands together loudly. "This is exactly the funny I needed after the week I have had! Rose, wanted the Doctor..."

"Not a doctor." Jamie finished with a giggle.

They shared a laugh for a while. "This is a nice home here Jamie, I suppose if you are going to get stuck in a place, this would be a cushy prison." He offered magnanimously.

"Who said anything about being stuck?" he queried.

The Doctor rolled his neck again and spoke. "I think this has been a good thing for you Jamie, I am sorry to have left you here the way I did. Truth? I had no idea what to do with you. When you were…born, I was dumbfounded. You were something that went against all that rigid Gallifreyian dogma, I wanted to send you off for my own benefit."

"I knew that, I understood why you did what you did. I was angry, but knowing what I know of you, this was the only option for you. It took me a while to realize the truth in my understanding. Even longer to realize that we are in fact two different people. I kept having flashbacks of your life, and I had to realize that those were no more my memories than that was my life But I have made a life for myself here, and I would never leave it. But, thank you for the offer Doctor."

"You had a sort of identity crisis." The Doctor affirmed.

"You have absolutely no idea, I wanted to die. For the first two weeks I wanted to die. I even missed the TARDIS, but then I decided to let go of the alien part of me, and embrace the humanity."

"Does Martha know?" he asked his double.

Jamie nodded, "I tell her everything. Told her everything. We have… she is a very understanding person. I don't know what I would have done here without her."

"Then why haven't you married the woman yet?" the Doctor smiled.

"How?" Jamie asked but smiled at the Doctor's gesture to his ringless hand. "Oh, well. It's complicated Doctor. She lost someone she loved very dearly."

"Haven't we all?" The Doctor asked with a surprising amount of sadness.

Jamie offered a sad smile in reverie and went on. Doctor, I need to know that you can stop her. She is not going to merely give up and slump off. You have to keep her from building another canon. I have Martha, and a daughter. I cannot lose them I need to know that they are going to be safe.""

"I knew you would find her here." The Doctor confided. "I left you here mostly to entice Rose to stay. I thought." he placed his hand upon the now closed file on top of the desk.

"You forget I remember how you felt about her. Why did you treat her like shit?" he asked as if he did not know.

"Oh I think you know the answer to that one. Just like I know why you really adopted that little girl." The Doctor winked.

"I am not a mule!" Jamie raged, anger flashing suddenly and white hot.

"But there is no telling if you will be able to have children either Jamie." He gentled. "Is that part of the reason you won't marry Martha? You think she wants what you may not be able to give?"

"I know I am a mish-mosh of parts, I know that my DNA is wonky, but I would like to think that I could give her children if she wanted."

The Doctor placed his hand onto Jamie's shoulder. "Then why not get tested? I am sure Pete has doctors here that could work with you. I know that he would be happy to help you out."

"You talked to him today?" Jamie asked. "I thought they were in France…"

The Doctor fixed a look upon his 'son' and winked. "I think sometimes people have to offer tough love to get the message across. Maybe they wanted you to rely on someone a bit more…suitable?"

Jamie whistled low under his breath, amazed at both the general genius of his friends, and the stupidity within himself. "Yeah, I guess they had a better handle on things than I did." He smiled.

"She's here isn't she Jamie? That has to count for something. Go and get tested, but I doubt it would make a difference to her. If she is anything like my Martha, she just wants to be with you."

"_Your_ Martha?" Jamie smiled rubbing the back of his neck. "When did she become '_your_ Martha?'"

Jamie witnessed the closest thing to a blush that would ever grace the Time Lord's features. "Well, you know," he waved away casually. "She is travelling with me again." He smiled with a glimmer in his brown eyes.

"Oh, really?" Jamie asked, folding his arms and firing back a deviously raised eyebrow.

The Doctor ignored his look and went on "We are actually sort of in the middle of a thing over on the other side."

"Boston." Jamie nodded.

"You remember?"

Jamie nodded and went on. "The loss of Peter Bishop over here was a huge thing. It was like the Limburg Baby, or the lost moon of Poosh." "Once we became separate people I theorized that my memories unraveled to a more linear manner. In short, I remember all of the little things that you hid from each other. At least up to now. " he smiled.

"Spoilers." The Doctor warned in his best River Song voice, which sent both of them into a laughing fit that lasted longer than it should have.

Jamie realized they were just comfortable with each other. In the time they had talked, the two men had come to an understanding about each other. "I don't blame you for anything Doctor. I just wanted you to know that I have made my peace with things."

"did you and Rose?" he asked without finishing the thought.

But Jamie got it and he had wondered how long before the Doctor asked. "Yes," he nodded, "but, turns out she was just trying to replace you. I was only practice."

"Seems that may have gone both ways, right Jamie?"

He could only nod, how could he refute the fact that the two of them had used each other?

"I am not going to beat the idea, but it is possible that while it was healing for you, it may have pushed her further over the edge to find me." The Doctor sighed. "Which of course means, that this," he pointed to the file. "Is a mess that I created and tossed you into. I am so sorry for that."

Jamie shrugged

"I thought she would not be able to do any harm here. I thought that after a time she would forget, or be unable to have the resourced to build another canon."

"I was bait." Jamie sniffed.

"More like a carrot on the edge of a pointy stick." The Doctor nodded. "But, yes I am here to clean up my mess and set this all to rights. " The Doctor placed the file into his coat pocket and jumped onto the desk. "You should do the same." He nodded and made for the door.

"Doctor," Jamie called before the other man opened the office door.

The Doctor turned around and faced his alter.

"I would have thrown myself off of a building if that is what it would have taken. I would have done anything to have her. Maybe you should think about that." Jamie ducked past the Doctor and headed for the kitchen.


	28. Chapter 28

**Thank you for all the lovely feedback, now that this is out i get to got read all of your wonderful updates YAY!**

The tension at the kitchen table was palpable. The blond seemed to stare right through the brunette holding the baby, while the brunette ceased to pay any attention to the other. Jamie had well expected to emerge from the office to a cat fight, or a heated discussion or worst yet, note comparing.

What he did find was two women working hard at pretending the other wasn't there. Rose seemed subdued by the near presence of the Doctor, while Martha wielded Winnie as a sort of Talisman against the odd looks that Rose sent her occasionally.

"Well, then, this is pleasant, right?" the Doctor interjected, rubbing his hands together as if to rub away the awkwardness in the tastefully decorated room.

Rose jumped out of her seat as if in a race to get to the Doctor's side. She stared up at him with all the awe and wonderment of a first year student enthralled by a professor. "I'm ready whenever you are." She smiled.

The Doctor seemed to ignore her statement of readiness, walking over to Martha, who rose and smiled at him with honesty and wariness. "Would you like to hold her?" she asked finally/

The Doctor held his arms out and snuggled the small baby. "OO, she _is_ beautiful." He beamed.

Jamie smiled at the Doctor's momentary vulnerability. He watched him coo and jiggle his daughter playfully. Rose stood as far from the baby while still being close to the Doctor. She seemed ready to bolt at the drop of a hat. "Doctor," she tried to interject. "Shouldn't we be going now?"

"Hmm?" he answered absently. "Oh, right." He moved toward Jamie, placing the baby in his arms. "She has the most remarkable time lines." He grinned.

"Spoilers." Jamie replied. "And No, you are not going to take her for just one little ride. I know full well how those go." He grinned back.

"He once didn't bring me home for a full year." Rose smiled at Martha, "Brought me back, thought it had been only twelve hours."

"Oi! I was a different man then." The Doctor smiled. "Different teeth too."

Jamie laid Winnie in her cot in the living room. "And, Jackie was none too pleased about the whole situation. First time I got slapped by a mother."

The room grew quiet, as Jamie realized his err in pronoun. "I, I mean." He sighed rushing his fingers through already crazed hair. "Blimey I hate this hair." He grinned.

The Doctor came closer to him, "No harm done," he patted the more human man's back. "You have come a long way Jamie Noble, both figuratively and literally."

Jamie nodded and found himself leaning into the touch. "Thank you Doctor." He spoke softly. "For more than I could even express right now."

The Doctor offered him another manic grin before slapping him on the back. "It's great innit? This whole dance. What to say, who we are, where are we going." The Doctor threw another long look at the baby in the cot. "You have something here I shall never have, but."

The Doctor cleared his throat and motioned for Rose to leave. "Thank you for your hospitality Dr. Jones." He threw a look across the room. "And for looking after him. Its good right? Now you know he isn't crazy. Well, no crazier than most, Well scratch that."

Martha made her way to the man in the blue suit, and before he realized what was happening, she through her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "OOf" he answered her touch. "Well, aren't you the touchy feely one. Bit different than what I am used to."

Jamie watched rose's affable demeanor become charged with dangerous ire. "We should go Doctor." She clipped.

"Take better care of yourself Doctor." Martha smiled up at him warmly. "You deserve as much happiness as the universe can allow you."

"Well, thank you for that." He answered with another genuine smile. "And, you, you too Dr. Jones." He fixed a look toward Jamie and opened the front door.

Jamie watched the pair descend the stone stairs "doctor." He called from a safe distance.

The Doctor turned and faced him. Raising his chin in anticipation of what he had to say.

"I said I would do it, But don't throw yourself off of a building yeah? There are easier ways of getting attention."

The Doctor grinned that manic grin again and began to walk away.

"Meet her halfway Doctor. She is there, that has got to count for something." With that Jamie Noble closed the door on the man that haunted him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"He seems nice." Martha offered while gathering up the tea dishes.

Jamie nodded and advanced upon her in sleek stealth. "He is as nice and as deadly as he needs to be. I am just glad that you got to see that I am not crazy."

Martha placed the dishes into the sink and faced him, "I never thought you were crazy Jamie. I ran from you, but that had nothing to do with anything that you confessed to me that night at my apartment."

Jamie nodded and leaned against the counter. "I never in a million years thought that I would see that man again." He admitted.

"What is he going to do with Rose? Is he going to take her with him now, keep her out of trouble."

"And out of our hair you mean?" Jamie and Martha shared a shy grin ant the remembrance of last Christmas. "No Martha, I don't think that he is going to take her. He cannot trust her any longer. What I know of him, he is going to find a solution that may not be the nicest, nor the cleanest."

Martha's face clouded over into a shroud of pure horror. "Is he going to kill her Jamie?"

Jamie laughed, a cold and feral laugh that left him no mirth. "No, he isn't going to kill her Martha, but I can tell you, there are far worse things in life than death. I think our little rose is about to learn that."

Martha nodded and began to wash the dishes. Jamie came behind her and moved his hands along her arms. "I don't know where to start here Martha, but there are things I have not told you. Things that may make you change your mind about what you think we can be."

He felt a shiver run through the tiny woman, and was not sure whether it was from his touch or his words to her. "Jamie, whatever it is, haven't I proven that I am not some fragile thing that cannot handle the truth? I mean I had both your alien father and your ex here today. And, may I add, I played hostess to everyone knowing that Rose wanted nothing more than to strangle me where I stood? Does that sort of loyalty barter anything with you? Or are you just going to keep it all bottled up again?" She slammed a glass in the sink too hard, the sound of its shattering echoed through the silent house.

Jamie moved to help her clean the mess, but grabbed her hands and pulled her away from the sink. "I don't know if you realize the real reason I adopted Winnie."

Martha tilted her head to one side and regarded him with confusion. "Because she needed you. Because she was in a situation that you knew well, abandoned and alone and-"

Jamie pulled her to sit at the table and continued to clean the glass out of the sink. "Yes, that is all true. But, there was more to it Martha. The part that is left made it easier for me to make the decision."

Martha nodded and relaxed into the chair. "Then what is it Jamie, you are starting to freak me out a little. "

He placed the kettle on the stove and turned the fire on. The tension began to eat at the silence in the room. The tension once felt with Rose's presence in the house began to be replaced t=by the three ton elephant in the room. "You know that I was born form Donna and The Doctor. I am both Gallifreyian and human."

Martha nodded silently and waited for him to continue.

"So, then you can understand that I am a hybrid, there has been those before, though very rarely and none created in quite the same way as I." AS always Jamie found it easier to talk when he was elbows deep into his work. He cleaned up the glass and continued to work around the kitchen as he spoke.

"I always said you were one of a kind." Martha giggled quietly with a shake of her head.

"OI," Jamie turned and grinned at her. "Cheeky today aren't we."

"Just, happy." She ducked her head. "Happy you called me over; happy I was here to meet your…Doctor. Happy,"

Jamie nodded and continued to scrub down the already pristine counters. "I knew you would come Martha, I knew you would drop everything to come and help me when I called." He said this to the counters, but he could feel Martha's eyes boring into his back as he spoke.

The silence came back again, but it was Martha to break the silence this time. "Jamie, you know that I love you. But I am in love with you too. I don't make any shame about that."

"Don't say that," Jamie murmured quietly, stopping his ministrations, "Don't say that until you know everything."

"Then tell me!" she leapt from the table as the tea kettle whistled. "Tell me what the hell is going on, why are you the one to be afraid of getting married now?"

"It was something I didn't think about until Winifred." He admitted. "When I asked you to marry me, I guess I was giving in to the basic human need for sharing a life with someone. I knew there was a possibility, but it seemed so inconsequential until I held Winnie."

"You don't think you can have children." She guessed. Correctly. Jamie took a moment to marvel at her intelligence. Again.

"Gallifreyians are infertile. They bred sexual reproduction out of their culture." He nodded.

"So, how do they reproduce."

"Looms,"

"What?" she asked loudly.

"Looms, and shush! If you wake her you take her!" he pointed to the living room where the small baby slept.

"Gladly, how the hell do you reproduce on a loom?" she asked quieter.

Jamie launched into a half hour long diatribe about DNA sequencing and knitted traits. Martha nodded at the right parts and insisted that he explain everything until she could wrap her brain around the concepts.

"So, you don't know if you are infertile like your father, or fertile like your mother." She surmised.

"Essentially."

"And you thought that I would not want to marry you unless you could produce motility, is that it? " Martha folded her arms and stared at Jamie with a blank expression.

"Right." He answered.

"Did you ever even think to ask me what I wanted?"

"Of course not," Jamie admitted pouring another cup of tea.

"Right, because where would you be without that side of the family DNA structure."

"Ol!"

"It's true Jamie, you are always on about what is best for me, but you have never asked have you? I love you, but you are the one that pushed for the relationship. When I bugged out on you, you tracked me down."

"That was love,"

"That, was stalking." She interjected. "Jamie, you have this unerring quality of doing things that you think others need. You think you know everything that is best for everyone else. Sound familiar?"

Jamie nodded, and let her finish.

"You need to take my feelings into consideration; I could care less if we ever have a baby. Let me in Jamie, we can share Winnie. She is going to need both of us, mostly and I speak from experience, you are going to have no clue about what to do with her hair." She smiled.

Jamie smiled again, but sobered quickly before he spoke "You are so young Martha, what happens if you change your mind later on? To never know what it feels like to carry your own child, I can't put you through that."

"See," she fumed. "There you go again, deciding for me, oh you are more like him than you will ever admit to.

"NO!" Jamie raged, jumping from his seat. "I am protecting my daughter. I have no intentions of going through this twice. If you decide ten years from now that you missed out on something, you will leave both of us." He hissed.

"I am still here Jamie!" Martha hissed back. "I am still here and I am not going anywhere. I have dealt with loss; I know what it is like to not get what you want! How dare you tell me what I can and can't handle, and what I will and will not do!" Martha stood and faced off to the man in front of her, Jamie stared back with a look of both awe and love.

"I-" he stuttered.

"You don't even know if the infertility is a definite. Aside from Rose and I, have you had any other lovers?"

Jamie shook his head. "No."

"Have you ever even gotten anyone pregnant before?"

"No," he blushed.

"Have you even been tested Jamie? You are a doctor for God's sake, how can you make an assumption without any basis of fact?"

"You have had it with your deciding for me. That has to stop. We are in this together, and you are not some all knowing, all seeing immortal entity from some long dead planet. You are a man, a doctor, a father, a lover, and yes. A husband."

"Not yet I am not."

"Jamie, I love you, and I want to marry you."

"Then let's do it." he finished "Let's go get married. Today, right now before one of us chickens out."


	29. Chapter 29

**Hi thanks again for all of the wonderful reviews. we are in the home stretch here guys, i think two more chapters and an Epilogue. It has been a great run and i am planning to get this done on Saturday. the Whole Thing**

**Not sure if i wil write another fic, i kinda want to focus on my own writing, but i did say before this one that i would not write anymore**

He grinned at her as they held hands across the car seat in the back seat of the cab.

"My mother is going to kill you." Martha smiled, still fingering the ring on her finger.

"She has to catch me first." He grinned jiggling his daughter's hand. They had done it, snuck out in te middle of the day and eloped.

"She's pretty fast Jamie, I think she has been gunning for you from day one." She dipped her head to place a tiny kiss upon Winnie, smoothing her hand over the girl's downy curls.

Jamie leaned over to place an equally soft kiss upon his new wife's forehead. "Do you regret it now?" he asked quietly.

"Never," Martha fired back with a big smile. "I'm just not ready to be a widow yet."

Jamie let his hand slip into hers as they rode from the small office, toward the row house on Gilford Lane. Jamie wondered at the oddness of life. One year ago he was lost, a man with nothing, not even a name. Now, he rode in the back of a taxi next to his daughter and his wife.

"You just got a sudden look of being overwhelmed. " Martha accused gripping his hand tighter.

"This," Jamie began "Has been one hell of a day." He smiled squeezing her hand right back. "this feels sort of weird."

Martha nodded

"But," he added, "It's a good weird. Like being off of work on a Tuesday."

"Or, eating an ice cream cone from the bottom up."

"Eating an ice cream cone from the bottom up? Who does that? How would you even do that?" he asked scrunching his face up. "I mean I have been some places, seen some things, but eating an ice cream cone cone first, that is just wrong." He frowned for emphasis.

"It was a college thing, a practical joke." Her eyes danced. "Don't judge me." And just like that, it was right again, it was what reminded both of them of why they were sitting there wearing matching rings. Jamie had worn his special Einstein shirt, and Martha still wore the Pi shirt. It was absolutely perfect.

They had the taxi drop them off at the corner where they had their reception of fish and chips, rolled in old newspapers and dripping with vinegar. Jamie even gave Winnie a chip to mush on, and then laughed with Martha at the scrunchy face she made from the sour taste.

"I don't think she is a chip fan," Martha giggled cleaning the baby's potato covered fist.

"Oh, give her a few years; I am sure we won't be able to chase her out of here."

They walked home hand in hand, Martha holding Winnie, and Jamie loving every second of it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The message on the machine was waiting for them when they came in, still holding hands. Jamie set Winnie on the floor with her toys while Martha went off to inform her family of her new status.

Pete answered his private line on the first ring, a note of exasperation and relief in his voice. "I have been trying to reach you all evening. Rose, there is something not quite…right about her."

Jamie nodded as if the man on the other end of the phone could see his gesture. "Yeah?" he asked with a small grin. "You do know we had a visitor today. Bit of a reunion actually." He offered.

Pete huffed "Of course, I spoke to him myself. He and rose were supposed to come by and get some help. I honestly thought he had come to get her, was glad to be…" he trailed off.

Jamie knew what he was going to say, and knew how much the admission hurt the man he had come to love, "Me too Pete, but then I also realized that she was too far gone to be trusted ever again."

"Still" Pete cleared his throat before going on. "She is a bit odd here now. I am assuming that our mutual friend had something to do with this."

"Odd how?" Jamie felt the concern began to rise in him, he worried that the Doctor would have doen something to Rose that would have left her a complete vegetable.

"She doesn't remember any of it Jamie, the Doctor, the TARDIS Cybermen, she does to even recall coming from another universe. It's like she had her head put through a car wash and came out the other side aqueaky clean."

"She did Pete. Whatever the Doctor has done, it's for the best. You and I both know what she was capable of before. Whatever he did Pete, had to be done."

"She thinks you and she were engaged for a while, you took her travelling all over the world. She believes she ran off with you and you left her at home because you got tired of her."

"Yeah," Jamie nodded again to no one. "That sounds about right."

Pete went off as if ignoring the commentary Jamie offered."She isn't the same Jamie, I know what the Doctor did was right, but still Jamie, she isn't the same. Jackie is beside herself with worry; she thinks that you and he cooled this whole thing up to get her to stay put. She knows her daughter inst perfect, but Jamie, she is still Jackie's daughter."

Jamie sighed heavier than he meant to, at least audibly. While he was concerned for the woman he once loved, in some way; he was also elated that the Doctor had not caused any real damage. "Of course Pete, I do have a daughter I understand that she is upset." Just then, Martha came into the living room and made the universal signal for 'what's going on?' To which, Jamie answered with an 'I will tell you in a minute' gesture.

"It's just that we think maybe seeing you would somehow help." Pete went on.

"Wait, what do you mean help? She thinks I dumped her Pete, how would seeing me help the situation?" he realized that Pete had continued to talk while Jamie had the silent conversation with his wife.

Wife.

"She doesn't remember things the way they should be Jamie, we think seeing you maybe you can help her remember to remember some things."

Jamie frowned as Martha picked up the fidgety baby and took her into the kitchen "Pete, I doubt she will even be able to remember the things that the Doctor changed, in fact I doubt there is anything that would, except him. Remember what I told you about Donna on the other side?"

"Well, be that as it may Jamie, Jackie and I would appreciate seeing what her reaction would be to seeing you here in person, not just a picture."

"I can't tonight Pete. Any other night and I would drop everything, but tonight is sort of…special." He glanced toward the kitchen sure of Martha's ability to hear his side of the conversation.

The other side of the phone grew quiet for a time. "Is he still there?" Pete asked

"No, he left a while ago Pete. But, I-" Jamie cleared his throat and went on. "Its my wedding night." He gently whispered.

"Wedding night?" Pete asked "Who, what?"

Jamie would have laughed at the man's confusion under a different set of circumstances. "Yeah, Yes. I got married to- We that is,,," Jamie tried to understand his sudden apprehension to Pete about his sudden marriage. "Pete we just wanted to be married." He finished simply.

Pete's silence lasted longer than he had expected. "Well, that was—sudden."

Jamie felt the sudden urge to explain himself, like a young child trying to defend his new haircut. "Pete,"

"I am honestly happy for you Jamie." Pete admitted with an honest smile to his face. "But what I don't envy you is Jackie once she realized she has been shorted the opportunity to take over a wedding."

"She will have to stand in line, I have an irate mother to attend to, and then there is Francine…"

Pete hesitated for a moment."Mother?" he asked confused.

"Well, I sort of well it is sorta one sided. I mean she is in the basic form of the idea my mother. I didn't…"

"Donna will kill you." Pete agreed. "Just ask her to leave enough for Jackie to get to. I'd hate to be torn apart in effigy."

"So, tomorrow night?" Jamie asked finally smiling.

"Better make It Thursday Jamie," Pete offered. "I am gonna want a few days to break the news and then plan a getaway."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They made love in the wee hours of the morning. Winnie was too wound up to sleep, and three bottles, four stories, and two rounds of "House At Pooh Corner" did nothing to ease her into sleep any easier.

"She is used to having me for herself " Jamie shrugged patting the little girl's back as he rocked around the room.

Martha shrugged back and went off to clean the kitchen. Jamie wondered if she was upset at having to share her wedding night with a four month old.

Martha woke him up two hours later, stretched out in his bed tucked around Winnie. "It was the only way to get her to sleep ." He defended.

Martha said nothing as she gently picked up the little girl and left the room with her. Jamie instinctively followed the two into Winnie's yellow room; he tried not to think of his following them as anything other than supportive.

Jamie realized there would have to be some remittance on his part, that marrying Martha meant affirming her as the Mother in his daughter's life. He had to learn to share her, but it was killing him.

Martha laid the baby in her crib, on her side, just as he always did; she removed all the pillows and stuffed animals from the crib, and tucked the blanket around the sleeping baby before giving her a soft kiss on her plump cheek.

"Did I pass," she asked as she turned on the soft dancing light in the center of the room.

Jamie raised his head from kissing Winnie good night and smiled. He made a mental not to never underestimate this woman. Ever.

He nodded, took her hand and allowed her to lead him into what was now their room.

"We don't have to, I mean if you are tired or-"

"Uh, yes we do!" Martha insisted pulling at his shirt as they stood in front of the king sized bed. "Do you realize how long it has been?"

"Five months, six days, twelve hours thirty two minutes and fifty two seconds.' He panted as she took his freshly exposed nipple into her mouth.

"Fifty three," he whooshed as she made her way to his pants.

"Fifty four," as his zipper became separated.

Once she wrapped her mouth around him, Jamie lost count. But somehow it did not seem to bother him in the least.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Donna was livid.

Not only had there been a wedding she was not invited to, but it was his wedding to Martha, and she had nothing to do with any of it. "Egg, I am happy for you," she said after the twenty minute rant about how it is custom to have a real wedding. "But if she leaves you because you cheaped out on a wedding, tell her she has my full support."

"Donna, it was both of our idea." He smiled.

Donna shook her head. "Then you are both nuts and obviously deserve each other. It's a good thing Winnie has me to show her what normal is."

Jamie tutted and slid into the chair by the playpen. "Thanks donna, for not blowing your top."

"Well, I have to keep me head about me nowadays don't i? Your not the only one with good news." Donna twinkled.

Jamie leaned over and licked her arm. "NO!" he grinned.

"You ever do that again stick boy and I will make Martha the widow she married you to become!" Donna nodded happily. "What did you do that for?"

"Hormones." He offered with a shrug.

"Wot? You can taste hormones now? Egg I love you but I think you get weirder by the day."

"Due at Christmas Donna? You really know how to make a holiday don't you?" he smiled.

"And don't you even think of hiring some young chippy to try to take my job from me while I am out Egg, I will slap you with every lawsuit out there!" she wagged at him.

Jamie held up his hands in mock surrender as his wife ran into the small kitchen to hug Donna."Oh my God! A baby! Oh Donna that is brilliant, absolutely brilliant."

Donna smiled big and hugged Martha back. "Looks like you're next now huh?" she mentioned offhandedly. The sudden silence in the room left her grin faded to dark shadows. "What, what did I say, you act as if -"

"It's ok Donna, we have just decided not to have any more children until we know about Winnie's health." Jamie covered expertly.

"Oh what a big Dumbo I am, coming here all blustery and bubbly when you two are dealing with a baby that—"

It was Martha who raised her hands to halt the red head. "Donna, we don't want to walk around for the next however long we have with her worrying about what we may miss." Martha offered her friend another big squeeze. "Jamie and I are going to take the rest of her life and enjoy the next ten months or ten years or—forever."

"So basically," Donna finished picking up her god daughter and snuggling her to her. "We are going to love the stuffing outta her for as long as we want and not worry about tomorrow."

"That's life, innit it?" Jamie spoke, finally understanding the words the Doctor had poured forth before he left that morning. The dance, what to say how to live, it all matters, and then at the same time, it all does not matter. Its life.

Martha slid her hand into Jamie's and smiled, speaking as if she could read his mind, "We are so lucky Jamie, for whatever we have for as long as we have it. We are lucky."

Jamie nodded and kissed his wife on the lips. "Oi! Not in front of the kid! You think she wants to see all of that going on? I certainly don't" Donna covered Winnie's eyes lightly "Don't you worry Winnie, when mum and dad start to freak you out, you come and get Ti-Ti Donna, she will make sure you aren't weird as they are."

Lucky.


	30. Chapter 30

**Just one more chapter after this. I am going to be sorry to see it go. But, with every peice of bad news there is always good.**

**One, there is an epilogue**

**Two i am writing another Martha/ Doctor story... and that is all i am saying about the matter!  
**

Thursday found him exiting a taxi in front of the sprawling Tyler estate. He paid his fare and walked up the stone stairs to the entrance. Jackie herself flung the front door open and grabbed him by the ear.

"And just where do you get off running off like that? Eloping? Only beggars and orphans do that sort a' thing. You got family. Whot? Are we not good enough? Ashamed of your too rich relatives?" She spouted a mile a minute but there was little malice in her voice.

"Ow, ow OW!" Jamie chanted, following along where the blond led. He found it both endearing and frightening that the mother figures in his life were so tactile.

Jackie led him into the front parlor "Jacks!" Pete demurred, grinning at the scene in front of him. "Let the poor boy go, what's done is done."

"Oh he's done all right!" she smiled finally releasing Jamie's ear and firmly dunging him into the sofa.

"We didn't plan it, it just sort of happened." Jamie defended, rubbing his left ear.

"That's how they all put it!" Jackie replied, arms crossed, eyes twinkling. "Wot, did you get her on the quick?"

"Jackie!" Pete spurted.

"No," Jamie affirmed, "We just got tired of putting things off and fighting over whether to do it or not."

"Well, if it weren't for Winnie, I'd a had you tarred and feathered." A soft smile came over her face. "Where is the little mite anyway?"

"She is home with Martha, we figured it would be best if.." Jamie trailed off but Jackie nodded and sighed heavily.

"That doctor took away a part of her." Jackie accused "He left her with memories that aren't real."

Jamie took her hand and held on tightly. "Do you know what she had been up to Jackie?" Jamie asked quietly.

"Jackie nodded again, sighed again and would not meet his eyes. "Of course I knew, she told me everything. How do you think Pete knew so much. I love my daughter, but I have to think of Tony too. Maybe I am not the brightest bulb in the neon sign-"

"That's not true Jackie-" Jamie contradicted.

But Jackie held her hand up to halt his assertions. "Don't you be sassing me Jamie! You aren't too far off me hit list! I know I am not Ph.D. candidate, never will be. But, I know when I have to protect those I love. And, telling Pete about what Rose was doing was the only way. I feel awful, bloody awful. For her, for you, for everyone in this. I am happy you made your way here Jamie; I sorta thought you never would. But, see you proved me to be a dim bulb?" Jackie smiled here and gave Jamie a tight squeeze of his hand.

Jamie nodded, "I know i=this is hard for you Jackie, she is your daughter. I cannot imagine what this is doing to tear you apart."

Jackie shook her head and spoke. "No, see I have a daughter, but I also have a son, well two if I count you," she grinned. "I have a husband I love more than anything, and I have countless friends over here. None of which I would want to see hurt or _unmade _by things someone is doing."

Pete moved to his wife's side and placed his hand on her shoulder. "We are so grateful to everything you have done Jamie. "

Jackie squeezed his hand again. "See her yeah?" she smiled. "I am gonna call her down and you two can talk. We are going to go take Tony out for ice cream."

Jackie rose and made her way to the large staircase. She called for Rose to come down for a second.

A minute later, Rose bounded down the stairs as if not a care in the world. The first thing Jamie noticed when she entered the Parlor was that her hair had gone brown.

Jackie and Pete bid their goodbyes and made for their short trip of happiness with their five year old, who was overjoyed at the prospect of a midday trip to the ice cream shop.

"He thinks its his birthday," Jackie grinned as she held the child's hand and led him out to the waiting limo.

"Oh," Rose offered upon seeing Jamie. "It's you, Mum said you would be by to see me. She worries" Rose offered him a large but tentative smile before seating herself upon the couch opposite him.

Jamie was struck with a strong sense of deja vu. He had sat here with her a year ago, tumbling over where their friendship stood. At that time the roles were so reversed, it was Jamie who was unsure and Rose was the one who knew she wanted to be back with the Doctor. "that's what Mum's do," Jamie shrugged, realizing he had been sent for as the physician family friend.

Rose offered a return shrug and ordered tea from the maid. "So, you gonna look inside my head, I don't see a Doctor's bag here." She thumped her hand impatiently, and it struck Jamie that the Doctor had regressed her in a way. By removing so many of her memories, he had sent her back about three to five years. Jamie was face to face with the Rose that he, as the Doctor, had met at Herod's

Jamie offered his hands in front of him, palm's out. "Nothing up my sleeves." He grinned, a trick he had often used with his own patients.

Rose smiled, her demeanor softening at the humor. "You know, I am surprised that my parents are so ok with you coming round after all the drama you, and I caused with our little….you know."

Jamie nodded. "well, I suppose there would have been some fall out after the way we carried on. I mean, I dragged you all over the world right?" he offered her that million watt smile.

"You had me out for a whole year! They had no idea where I was, sent out all kinds of bulletins" she giggled drawing her hands over her face and sinking into the laughter.

"Well, it's not my fault you never told them where you were.'

"I didn't have any time! And anyway what was I supposed to say? That I have run off with my Biology teacher for an advanced lesson on human reproduction?" Rose let loose a long cackle of laughter.

"Well," he offered, not sharing in the mirth. "I would admit that was terribly improper of me. I should have never had you in that position. I was, am, far older than you I should have known better. For that I do apologize." He was surprised himself at the earnestness in his apology

Rose shrugged but continued to giggle. "We had good times didn't we? Scotland, Tibet. You called it the end of the world.." she spoke the last words in a mockery of the Doctor's ninth self.

"Well it was! And that awful woman Cassandra!"

Rose giggled again, "Oh she had all that work done! Remember we ran into her again? At the hospital in New York, we went to visit your friend…Jack, and she tried to talk up into donating skin grafts for her next surgery."

Jamie was struck by how thorough the Doctor's work had been. "Rose, I want to say that I should never had put you in a situation where you defied your parents.."

Rose waved him away "We had good times, we did Jamie. And I know I went a little nuts when you brought me home. But, mum and dad were worried sick and it wasn't right to keep them worried."

"Do you, are you ok now?" he asked not sure if he would get an honest answer. It had not even been a week since the Doctor shook up her memories.

"I am fine, a bit jealous of Martha though.' She grinned again. "Does she know how _old_ you are?" Rose poked at him.

Jamie nodded and smiled. "I hope she never learns. " he grinned back eliciting a great guffaw from the younger girl.

Rose moved over to sit next to him on the sofa. "Jamie, I am sorry, about…" Rose ducked her head, not able to look him in the eyes. Confused, Jamie tilted his head to try and catch her words. "Sorry for what Rose?"

Rose seemed to sink deeper into his side, still not meeting him in the eye. "About the…I never told you. It was after we came back from travelling. Remember? We were meeting sometimes…sort of friends with benefits?"

Jamie nodded, of course he remembered. It was ta time in his short life that left him completely bereft "Yeah, " he admitted with a heavy sigh. "I should have been stronger."\

"Good times Jamie, good time." She patted his arm again and rose from the sofa. "I got rid of it, I am sorry I shoulda told you but I wasn't in the best of places at the time, no way I was ready for a-'

"Got rid of it? Got rid of _what_?" Jamie asked in that still quiet voice that the Doctor often used to terrify.

Rose began to walk backwards towards the safety of the parlor door. "It wasn't' the right time Jamie, for either of us. I think it was the best thing. You have a family now, and it doesn't matter, I just thought you should know.." With that, Rose fled for the stairs leaving Jamie confused and angry in the doorway.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He sat on the couch in the living room waiting for the happy family to return form Baskin Robbins. When he heard them enter he stood and motioned Pete and Jackie into Pete's large office.

"I suppose the two of you managed to have your talk. " Jackie smiled after sending a very spirited five year old off to play video games with the Nanny.

"You are right, she remembers things, but doesn't Some of the trips that she and the Doctor made have been converted to a safer more localized version, with me in the starring role. "

Pete sat himself upon his desk and folded his arms. "So, will she ever remember?" Pete asked

Jamie cleared his throat before asking what he needed to know. "Was there," he darted his glare between the two parents. "Was she pregnant at some point?"

Jackie and Pete gave each other a look that spoke volumes wordlessly.

Jackie finally spoke. "Not long after your trip to the hospital. Remember? You had that, episode at the Tesco?"

Jamie nodded, he remembered.

"She came to me," Jackie went on. "Said she was pregnant, never told me who but. Yeh, I helped her."

Jamie nodded and thrust his hands into his pockets. "Ok" he nodded. "Ok."

Pete made a slight noise to redirect the emotions in the room. "Will she ever remember things the way they were?" Pete asked with assertion.

Jamie shook his head. "Its hard to say, I questioned her, but she seemed to have a pretty firm grasp on how things went on. "

"But," Jackie asked again, far more insistent than Pete. "Will she ever get her memories back?"

Jamie shook his head again. "The Doctor was pretty thorough." He answered, and upon noticing their expectant glares offered earnestly. "I doubt it."

"Good," the two parents answered with a sigh of relief.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Was it yours?" Pete asked bluntly as he rode in the back of the limo with Jamie."

"I don't know." Jamie shrugged. "Probably, Maybe.' He shrugged with each word.

"Jamie, I wanted to thank you for everything." He began.

"the funny thing here Pete, is that I thought. That is we thought that I was incapable of having children." He shrugged again.

Pete nodded. "Ok, "

"Gallifrey, The Doctor that is where he is from. They are all..._were_ all sterile. The Doctor is sterile. " Jamie nodded.

Pete shrugged "But Donna isn't form there. She is human which means…"

"I am a mish mash, see? I have some parts that are Gallifrey and some parts that are Human. I was going to ask you if there were any doctors there at Torchwood that could examine me and see if…" he shrugged from embarrassment.

"I can make that happen. In fact you should have been through there a long time ago, make sure that there is some record of your unique anatomy. You have been lucky so far, nothing too serious has befallen you. But, what happens if you have a major accident? Your anatomy could cause serious issues."

"Yeah," Jamie agreed. "But I don't think I need to check my fertility anymore. She has no reason to lie anymore Pete. The things that she has had changed in her head, they are for the good. I know it seems callous of me to not feel anything about her memories. I think this is a good thing." He smiled at his friend.

"And the baby?" Pete asked.

"How should I feel? I am sad that she went through that alone, and that she left me out of the decision. Which, was hers by the way. But, I am happy that I can give my wife children." At that moment they pulled in front of Jamie's home. "I am happy Pete, and I believe she is going to be fine. I will take you up on the offer for the physical, I have a family to think about now." Jamie got out of the car and stuck his head back through the window. "Any damage to my left ear and I am going to_"

"You got off easy." Pete laughed as the car drove away.

He waved to his friend, turned toward the front door and went home.


	31. Chapter 31

**So the writer admits to being wrong. I said that this would be the last chapter, but in truth the characters just would not shut the hell up. So, her eis yet another chapter, and we are gong to shoot for the next one being the end, yeah?**

**Another Chapter, its a Festivus miracle. **

There was laughter and music as he came to the door. It honestly sounded like a festival of some sort was going on in his modest row home. As Jamie turned the key in the lock, the door flung open nearly making him fall into his new Father in Law.

"Sorry, mate," Clive smiled slapping Jamie on the back. "I had to get outta there, all that estrogen; it's no good on a fella." He grinned making his way to the convertible parked along the side of the row.

"Estrogen?" Jamie puffed.

Clive giggled still walking toward the car. "You have no idea what you have married yourself into mate. Those Jones women, they are quite intimidating."

Jamie looked at the now closed door then back to the older man. "What are they doing in there?" he asked a little afraid

Clive turned around and faced the younger man. "Hey, let's me and you go an' have a beer yeah? We can meet up proper." Clive stopped and pointed to the pub around the corner from the car. "We can drink there. Come on mate, I am sure you want to avoid me ex-wife for a few more minutes, yeah?"

With one last glance at his front door, Jamie shrugged and headed off to the corner pub.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"She always thought Martha would run off and get married." Clive said during the commercial break. They had been watching the match of the day, and the two men surprised each other with their knowledge of the game and love for the same team.

"There was no running off actually." Jamie smiled "We took a cab."

Clive laughed loudly and nodded. "She isn't as mad as I had thought she would be. I think that baby had a lot to do with it. What made you go off and adopt a baby, well a black one anyway."

Jamie shrugged again, he knew where this conversation was headed, had expected no less from the man who helped raise his wife. "I did not do it to tie her down if that is what you are getting at." He slurred.

Clive nodded. "Still, I am sure it made it easier knowing that Martha was…around. "

Jamie was not angry, in fact the conversation made him have a greater respect for Clive. Here was a man who had been through a lot. Lost his wife. Children grew up and had their own lives. "I didn't even know I wanted to be a father until I saw her, held her." Jamie confided.

Clive nodded again. "Yeah, that's usually the way. They get you with those eyes and that helplessness."

"Not to mention that new baby smell." Jamie laughed. "But, I wanted her. With or without Martha. I wanted her. But" he pointed to the man next to him for effect. "Her coming along for the ride was a really great bonus."

Clive nodded again. "What about your family? Martha never really told us a lot about you. I assume you came from somewhere, didn't just drop out of the sky."

Jamie nearly choked on his beer at Clive's words, but spoke after he recovered realizing the man had no idea that he had, in fact, dropped out of the sky. Albeit in a tiny blue box. "I was fostered you know. I grew up in an orphanage. Well, most of my life. " Jamie hated lying, but he had to stick to the story that Pete had painted for him.

"Oh, so now it is starting to make sense." Clive smiled as if he got it. He did not but Jamie assumed that was as good as it would get. At least for now.

"Right, so the Tylers took me in, fostered me. I had run away from the orphanage when I was thirteen. They raised me, sent me to medical school."

"The Tylers, that's them? Must be nice people to put you through school, who has that kind of money laying arou-" Clive stopped and gave Jamie a hard glare. "_The_ Tyler's? As in _Peter_ Tyler?"

"That's him." Jamie offered chugging down his second beer. "And I repaid them by running off with their daughter."

Before Clive could ask any more questions, a familiar voice made Clive jump. Jamie laughed hard enough to fall off of the bar stool when the voice was not that of Francine, but Leo. "You do that too well!" Clive accused his son.

Leo laughed and slid into the bar stool next to his father. "I was sent here to get you. Both of you. Mum says you need to come back and face the music." Leo pointed to Jamie.

"I do what I like!" Jamie stated as he climbed back onto the vacated bar stool and high fived the proffered hand raise from Clive.

Leo shook his head. "Brave words for a man who stole my Mum's youngest child. You must have a death wish."

Clive chuckled but Jamie was nonplussed. "Have a pint with us Leo. You don't want to go back into that- what did you c-call it Clive?"

"Estrogen Den." Clive nodded sagely.

"Estrogen Den!" Jamie nodded back. "We are going to stay here until things air out over there."

Leo shook his head. "You are going to be so dead when she catches up to you."

"OI!" Clive smiled throwing his arm around Jamie's shoulder. "Watch what you say to my new son in law 'ere. He is a billionaire!"

"No I am not!" Jamie insisted.

"What's he on about then?" Leo pressed.

Jamie blushed and told Leo about his family. The Tylers, and how he met them, at least the Rose Tyler version, the one that would hold up in a court of law now thanks to Pete.

As he told the two men from his new family about his old one, he found himself feeling emotional, feeling genuine affection for the family he had to claim as his own.

Leo smiled and ordered himself another Guinness. The three men watched the match and became steadily drunker as the night progressed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jamie saw him first, in the mirror advancing upon the trio. "Heads up!" he snickered to the two men next to him. "They sent in the second stringer!"

David came and stood between Jamie and the patron on the other side of him. A hard glare made the poor stout man give up his seat. "I was sent here to fetch all of you." He spoke in a thick Northern accent.

"Really?" Clive asked with a sneer. "How very cosmopolitan of you."

"And them," Jamie agreed, to which Clive clinked his beer against his in solidarity.

David sat on the stool and ordered himself a pint. Leo leaned across Jamie and whispered conspiratorially. "They sent me here an hour ago, what took them so long to send you?"

David shrugged and took a long pull from his beer. "They had to find me first. " he shrugged.

The three men went into loud brash laughter; Clive even came round and punched David in the shoulder. "Good man," he managed between laughs. "Good man. David."

David smiled, "Its bloody great to be out of there. Do you know what they are doing to your house man? Maybe you should get in there before it is too late."

"It's already too late." Clive affirmed.

"Way past too late." Leo added.

"So too late its next year.' Jamie laughed.

"But, we made it out alive." Clive held up his glass for the four to clink in unison.

"At least this time," David added.

"To living until tomorrow!" Leo exclaimed, punching the air..

"Tomorrow!' they agreed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They closed the bar. In truth is t was bound to happen, Jamie, Leo, Clive and David held each other up as they walked across the street back to Jamie's home.

It was two in the morning.

Martha let them in, made places on the floor for the other men to crash and dragged her wayward husband upstairs. "You can't dodge my mother forever. " Martha s=winded as she removed jamie's clothes and got him situated into bed.

"I'm nah dojin' err.'" Jamie slurred as he tucked himself deeper into the bed. "I djuss want to live!" he giggled.

"Good," Martha said. "Because she is still here, sleeping in the office with Tish and Barbra.

Jamie groaned long and low "Oh Martha I married you not your insane family."

"Oh you are one to talk Mister, and I would leave any more opinions for the morning, " she snuggled into the bed next to him, foreheads touching. "There is a bucket by your side of the bed. Use it."

"Aim and shoot!" he affirmed.

"Right, now go to sleep."

Jamie quieted for a full ten minutes. "I love you Martha." He spoke slowly and evenly.

"Go to sleep you silly man."

Jamie turned to grab her and pulled her to him. "I love you Martha and if I have to fight your mother to have you I will."

"You don't have to fight anyone Jamie. Now go to sleep."

"I'll fight everyone for you Martha." He spoke seriously. "I'd even throw myself off of a building during your shift."

"What the hell? Jamie I love you too, but you are a weird drunk."

"He loves her too you know. The Doctor. Madly and truly. I doubt he will ever tell her."

"The two of you are more different than you realize Jamie." Martha reached for his hand and brought it to her lips. "I am glad that you got the all the balls in the family."

Jamie giggled softly. "yeh, in more ways than you know."

Martha eased up to ask what he meant, but Jamie was already in the land of nod.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The smell of bacon and fried onions woke Jamie from his sleep. He made his way t=down the stairs to find Martha sitting at the kitchen table trying to feed Winnie." Well, there is Daddy Winnie. And look, a hedgehog has crawled onto his head. "

"It's nothing compared to the caterpillar that has taken up residence on my tongue." He complained stumbling for the coffee maker. "Where is everyone?"

"They ate and they left. " Martha smiled. "It is two in the afternoon."

Jamie fixed her with an unbelieving glare, but turned back to fill his mug with coffee. "You should have woke me up sooner." He rubbed his head and sat on the other side of Winnie's high chair.

"It's ok. I figured you could spar with my mum tomorrow during the Sunday dinner."

"Ugh," Jamie made a face, eliciting a smile from Winnie.

Martha pushed her chair back from the table and folded her arms. "With everything that went on yesterday, I never got the chance to ask. How did it go yesterday Jamie?"

"It was a bar, how should it have gone." He said.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant, Martha." Jamie plunked his coffee cup down in front of his seat and dove into the hard wooden chair. "It was what it was Martha." He sighed finally.

"And that is?"

"She is a different person now. I doubt she even realizes that anything is different than what she remembers."

"And she thinks that the two of you were lovers?" "So you can…" she trailed.

"We were Martha, " he added gently. "You knew that."

Martha nodded and seemed to focus on something across the room before looking back to Winnie in her high chair. "I know I just. I worry that she will come between us in some way."

"She was pregnant Martha." Jamie said. "And she got rid of it."

Martha stared at him for a while, not speaking nor blinking. "Yours?" she asked finally.

Jamie nodded and slugged back another long drink of the inky brew, "I didn't know until today."

"So you can…" she trailed.

Jamie nodded and rose for another cup of coffee. "This is probably not the best time to be having this conversation." He mumbled as he poured another cup of coffee.

"I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that."

Jamie waved it off, but smiled anyway. "The good news is that we know now. We know." He emphasized.

"But, how do you feel about losing a child." She asked.

"I don't feel anything Martha. I didn't even know about it. How am I supposed to feel? Do you realize that if she had told me I would have insisted. Insisted Martha!" he flared. "I never would have been with you, or gone to Africa, or found Winnie."

"You talk in a lot of What Ifs Jamie, you ever notice that?" she spoke calmly, a contrast to Jamie's manic rant.

"I speak in realities!" He answered.

"Say it how you want or demand what you think, but the truth is, it didn't happen. We are here." She dabbed her long dark finger upon the tasteful wooden table. "Here, now. I lost a fiancée, you lost a life. We are here in this now. I don't like in time lines, and neither should you. We are in this reality. This is our life. Rose did not go through with the pregnancy, and I don't think you are as ok with it as you seem to want to pretend."

"She could have told me!" Jamie hissed, a sound that was meant to not scare the baby next to him, but still made her frown into crying. "Shh, Winnie, it's all right. It's alight." He rubbed her back and patted her gently. Winnie's whimpers settled into soft sniffling as she went back to her Cheerios.

"You're right; this is not the best time for this talk. But there is something that we do need to talk about." Martha began.

"We have been married for" Jamie turned to look at the calendar hanging on the refrigerator. "One week. We have been married for one week and already we need to talk?"

"Oh don't get your panties in a bunch, you did nothing wrong. Well at least not this time. But I do have an iron skillet."

Jamie mock cringed. "Ok, fair enough. So, what do we need to discuss."

"You know I have to return to work tonight." Martha began.

"Yeah, I thought they were going to give you some time off for everything."

Martha looked down and spoke quietly. "I am not going back Jamie."

"I'm sorry, what was that?" he asked, hand to his ear.

Martha stood and began to clean the kitchen as she spoke. "The thing is, I don't want to be away from her. I mean what if she is sick? How long de we have with her Jamie? Do we even know?"

"Martha,"

"No, wait Jamie hear me out. I have been thinking about this all week. I want to be here with her. I don't want to leave Winnie with strangers all say then come back too tired to care for her. I want to be there for every little thing that she experiences."

Jamie lifted Winnie from her seat and walked closer to his wife "Martha,"

"Let me finish damn it! You always interrupt me! I want to be here with her Jamie, and I want to adopt her. I realize it's only been a week, but I really don't want to be away from her. If it's a matter of money I have money. Tom left me."

"Martha!" Jamie exclaimed placing Winnie in her arms.

Martha looked at him expectantly, and Jamie could see a thousand battle forming in her eyes. She could dig in; he knew that about her from day one. She would dig in, and she would win and there would be casualties.

Best to avoid the middle man.

"I am going upstairs to change your daughter while you go and tell Royal Hope where they can shove it." He moved toward the stairs away from her still gawping maw. "Did you really think I would say no to that?" he asked indulgently.

"No," she smiled. "I was just sportin' for a fight. "

"Well look at that," he grinned. "Our first fight and you know what the best part is, Martha?"

Martha folded her arms waiting for the sarcastic remark.

"_We_ win."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dinner found them again at the corner fish and chips. Jamie held onto Winnie while Martha fussed over the mess in her hair. "It's just crumbs " he tried by way of peace.

"She looks as if she lost a fight with a loaf of bread." She countered. "What possessed you to let her get into the fish basket like that?"

Jamie placed the now clean baby into her stroller and Martha kneeled down to kiss the little girl.

"You were right you know. This morning, I was upset. I it does hurt to know that I had no say."

Martha nodded as they walked the street that led to their house. "I know."

You know you were right?" he asked with a grin

"Well, I am always right" 'Martha fired back as they made their

Jamie smiled and folded the stroller as Martha placed the now sleeping Winnie in her playpen for a nap. "now is a good time for that talk."


	32. Chapter 32

**Cue Jim Morrison...**

**This Is The End...**

**Yeh and an epilogue is coming, **

**And i have already started the next story, may even post it tonight if i am feeling froggy **

**Thanks to all of my wonderful reveiwers...The faithful**

**WhoNewbie, PheonixWytch, Sad Happy Girl, Barbara, nicew.**

**And my Lurly McLurk Lurjs...**

**Elizabeth, Black Diamond and Aiyanna.**

**Ok that is enough, this is starting to sound like the freakin' Oscars...  
**

They sat in the warm blue kitchen, sipping tea and listening for the baby monitor. Jamie smiled as Martha played with her keys and dangled her too short legs from the breakfast bar stool.

"So," she asked shyly, and it struck him odd that she should even be shay about anything that they talk about. "Rose was pregnant." Not a question.

Jamie, in turn gave not an answer. "I am glad that she did not carry through with it Martha, I would not want to be tied to her in that way." He held a hand up at her inevitable interruption. "that is not what I thought we should talk about."

Martha sipped her tea and offered him another tentative smile. He translated the behavior into a go ahead. "I wanted to apologize to you. I married you..."

"Are you apologizing for marrying me?" she asked quickly, and Jamie was reminded of another Martha, another time, another life.

"No," he insisted with a firm shake of his head. "I married you without explaining to you that I felt I would not be able to give you children. But, what I failed to mention was that I did not want children, at least not anymore now. Not until we know for sure about Winnie."

"Silly man," Martha shook her head and drank her tea again. "As if I would disagree." She smiled.

"Winnie has been the best thing that has ever happened to me." He asserted.

"Me too," she agreed.

"I am afraid of losing her," he admitted.

"Me too," she whispered.

Jamie reached across the table to hold her hand and squeezed as soft tears began to form in the corners of her eyes. "But Jamie, I don't want to spend whatever amount of time we have left afraid of what might be."

Jamie shook his head. "I really don't know how to do that. So much" he pointed his long finger at his temple. "Is in here of loss and losing. I am so entrenched in how much I remember of loss and losing Martha that I am hard wired to want to protect that to the death."

Martha nodded and grasped his hand tighter. "You knew that when you brought her home Jamie. And, we are not about to have another conversation about who you are and who you are not. Winnie is here, now. We are going to appreciate what we have, but we are going to carry on none the less."

"I don't want to have any more children until we know."

"Ok," she nodded.

"I don't think I want to have any more children if we lose her."

Martha neither nodded nor moved. Jamie wondered if she would bolt but she continued to sit there in silence, offering her strength to him in silent solidarity. "Sometimes you have to have faith in things that you have no control over." She spoke finally

"Faith?" Jamie huffed, "Let's not have this conversation Martha."

She always knew when not to push, and he loved that about her. "So, let's work on getting her well. And, living our lives as any normal young parents would."

"I don't know how." He admitted with a pained shrug.

"Good thing you have me around." Martha grinned. "Relax, I will show you the ropes."

And she did.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He was surprised he survived the whole thing.

Martha insisted that they attend Sunday dinner at her mother's

Well, insisted was such a mild word.

Jamie was due to return to work the next morning, and Martha had no qualms in allowing for his medical coverage to be u=put to the test. "You are more like your mother than you would care to admit.' He mumbled as they made their way up the front steps.

"What was that?" she asked jovially.

Francine Jones threw open the front door and Jamie had a sudden urge to throw his hands over both ears. "Jamie," she spoke cordially.

"Mrs. Jones.' He nodded matching her tone. Martha nudged him with her free elbow. "Francine,"

Francine nodded and moved aside to allow the young family into the house. Jamie scooted past his new mother in law with all the care and speed of a Gazelle in the Lion House. His wife's small snicker did not go unnoticed. "See how funny it is when you have to be a widowed single mum." He argued.

Martha's family greeted them warmly, Winnie was promptly removed from Martha and carried off to somewhere in the house. To make the rounds of the family no doubt. "Don't worry," Martha insisted at Jamie's nervous look. "She has her own room here now."

Jamie shook his head and wondered aloud. "Are we ever going to have our daughter to ourselves anymore?"

Martha nudged him gently again. "Get over it, yeh? You won't be complaining when we have a few nights to ourselves."

Francine continued to eye him with the look of a mother bear newly awakened from hibernation. She was cordial, even smiled at him a few times over the course of the night. Jamie could not deny that he was having a good time; that is until Francine got him alone in the kitchen.

He had come in to retrieve a bottle for Winnie, while heating it up on the stove, Francine entered with all of the stealth of a trillion dollar American plane. "Don't you think for a second that I am ok with this."

"Of course not," he answered from the stove, afraid to move.

"Do you make a habit of running off with women younger than you?" she fired.

"Well…." He answered his face turned away from her so that he could hide the self-depreciating smirk.

"I am not being funny Jamie,"

"Really? I thought this was a routine you were working on, I mean I hear it from you every time I see you."

Francine continued to bore into him with a cold stare. "I love my daughter."

"What a coincidence, so do I." he countered smartly.

"Don't you sass me!" Francine said. "I have put up with quite a little bit in this situation. I have been more than fair with my feelings. "

"Absolutely," Jamie nodded.

Francine crossed her arms and continued to eye him suspiciously. Jamie wondered if anyone would hear his screams over the match. "What do you think is going to happen to her when that little girl in there dies?" Francine whispered.

Jamie was struck by the questions. "She is going to be devastated."

"And you think it is such a good idea to put her through all of that again?"

Jamie shrugged and turned back to the bottle on the counter. "Sure, why not wrap her up in bubble wrap and hide her up in the attic, that way she does not have to deal with anything too painful."

"Your sarcasm is not appreciated Jamie."

"And your accusations are boring Francine."

The two adults continued to stare at each other until Francine sighed heavily. "I realize the foolishness of my wanting to keep my daughter free of pain, but you were not there when she came home from Africa after Tom's death. It was like she was the walking dead." Francine shuddered.

"You can't protect them from everything." Jamie admitted shaking his head.

"Don't I know it!" Francine agreed. "But I can keep being there for her."

Jamie nodded and another silence crept between the two. He was just seconds away from a getaway when she whispered. "Do they know if she has it yet?"

Jamie shook his head "No, and they want to test again next week. She turns six months, then again when she is a year, then again when she is eighteen moths…"

"When will they know for sure, you know if she has it or not."

Jamie was touched by her apparent concern for his daughter, and that was when he realized that he was part of this family. He had an entire network of people who cared about him, and Winnie. "Soon I hope." I shrugged. "But I have a feeling it will always be in the back of our minds that she could come down with it."

Francine nodded. "You are the reason that my daughter will not be practicing medicine."

"That is her decision."

"Don't interrupt me." She hissed. "I love my daughter, and I believe she truly is happy, at least for now. If you so much as make her regret one decision that she has made in the time that she has taken up with you, I will make sure Winnie remains an only child."

He tried to do what she warned, take it easy, and go with the flow.

He tried not to be upset when his Winnie's first words were aimed at his mother in law/

He didn't take it personal that the first thing out of her beautiful cupid bow lips was an affectionate, "Gammi' even when Francine announced it to everyone, even complete strangers.

Francine basked in Winnie's ardor for life and Jamie watched as she slowly unfurled and allowed herself to, if not like her new son in law, at least tolerate him for the sake of her daughter and granddaughter.

"She is trying Jamie," Martha insisted in bed after Christmas dinner that first year.

"I would believe that if she did not flash me those looks when no one is watching."

"What looks?" Martha asked patiently.

"Oh what's the use!" he grinned. "I have stolen her daughter away from her, I suppose she that gives her the right to dislike me. Can't imagine what I will do to the poor bloke who tries anything with Winnie."

"No, " Martha sighed. "Nor can I."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The first time Winnie walked was to get to her father's shiny bright tube he left on the cocktail table. Martha was in the kitchen as Jamie sat in front of his laptop puzzling over a new patient.

It was the sound of the screwdriver that snapped him into movement.

"You can't leave things around the house." Martha scolded as she checked her daughter over for marks.

"She walked.' He grinned.

"She nearly gave herself an anal probe." Martha fumed kissing the tiny toddler.

"But she walked, " he asserted, stinking his chest out further.

Martha fixed him with a glare of incredibility. "She walked Jamie; she did not fly, or walk on water. Honestly. Are you going to be one of those parents?"

"Yes," he smiled, taking Winnie into his arms, "Yes I am."

The house was packed, fuller than it had been for Winnie's first birthday. Donna had dragged her husband out with their ginger haired twins. And the Tylers had made it in too, Rose fresh from her graduation from graduate school. She hugged Jamie and giggled at the slapdash homemade decorations.

The small postage stamp backward was made into a kiddie land, replete with the largest bouncy castle he could rent on one day's notice.

Winnie made her rounds through the crowd of those she knew well. They alternately patted her head or offered her a sweet or tried to pick her up, but at five years old, Winnie was far too big and energetic to sit still long enough to be cuddled.

"Winnie," her father smiled, twirling her around the kitchen. "Are you having fun?" he asked.

She nodded her little head and smiled back at him. "Yes Dad, but why are we having a party? My birthday?"

"Nope." He smiled.

"Your birthday?" she giggled as he twirled her again in a little dance.

"Nope.' He shook his head.

"Mum?"

"Wrong again, Pooh." He grinned at how the nick name had stuck and how much it would vex her in the teenage years.

"So why then Daddy?" she shrugged wrapping her arms around his legs.

Jamie lifted his daughter into his arms and hugged her tighter than he had in a long time. "This, is a No More doctors Party." He smiled.

Winnie looked at him in a way to make him question the idea of genetics. He had seen that very same look on Martha's face the last time he tried to convince her that the seats should be left up. "What? Silly, Daddy. That is no reason to have a party."

"Wee-eellll" he grinned reminiscent of another time. "We could call up Dr. Graves and have him come over to draw more blood…"

"No!" she stopped, contemplating. "Do you mean I don't have to see doctors anymore?" she asked snuggling into him.

"Well you still have to see me and Mum, and normal little girl doctors, but yes, no more Ouchy doctors every month. You are not sick Winnie, and they don't believe you will get what we thought you had. "

She hugged him back, "I want to get down and go find the twins now.' She smiled.

"Hey, you give those gingers a break; don't boss them around so much."

Winnie fixed him with her best innocent mug, complete with batted eyelashes before running out into the back yard. He watched as she pushed both of Donna's sons out of the bouncy Castle. "Well, they didn't get that from Donna.' He shrugged.

"No more doctors." Martha said from beside him. "I like that."

Jamie smiled and nodded. "No More doctors. I think that is a great reason to celebrate."


	33. EpilogueEighteen Years Later

**this is the Epilogue for all of my Martha Loving readers. I hope its a good way to end things, and i will miss this story so much.**

**Plus, i hope i got the one characterization down ok...**

**Happy Festivus, commence with the Airing of the Grievances**

He had been hanging around the house more lately, having finally retired from Neuroscience; Jamie Noble had found joy as a man who performed simple yet necessary procedures for the NHS.

But, the holidays had left him in an empty house, with Martha off in Africa getting rid of more of the money that Tom had left her, and the three boys off on holiday with the Tyler's, visiting America

He passed on New York in the winter, too cold and far too rude.

He had helped pack up their three youngest children, and shrugged them off into the waiting limousine.

They were Peter and Jackie's problem for the next two weeks.

God help them and may the Force be with them.

He would have gone with his wife had she not insisted he stay to keep an eye on Winnie. Not that they did not trust her, but an 18 year old girl was far less likely to get into any sort of trouble if the house was not empty. Said eighteen year old that was now parts unknown, armed with a cell phone and her father's credit card.

Probably off to shop at the mighty mite store he grinned.

It's not that anyone really worried about Winnie's height, they worried more for the damage she could do to their shins. Even her mother towered over her, and that was saying something. At 4 foot eleven, Winifred Donna Noble was the smallest thing in the house. Her brothers were barely into puberty and they had already passed her.

The pediatrician assured her that she was just a tiny woman. She weighed eighty pounds and ate as if they were to outlaw food the next day. Winnie once finished off an entire large pizza, two liters of soda and a loaf of French bread. Not to mention the running tab she still maintained at the fish and Chips across the street.

Said child, or mini adult as he liked to call her, had been making herself scarce since everyone left. The rules of the house stated an automatic check in at 11:00 pm, just an update of where you were, when you would be home, and such. The rule was not just for the children either; Jamie himself had fallen short of meeting the implemented law.

Jamie never missed another check in again after that.

He sat with his feet up on the coffee table, a direct violation of his wife's stringent rules. They had been married for eighteen years, and he still missed her when she was gone. But, nothing was better than having a little time to himself.

He had just made himself comfortable with a fresh cup of tea, a throw, and the new Stephen king novel when he heard a slight thumping at the front door.

"Well, its about time you made an appearance." He thought to himself of his errant teenaged daughter. But as he opened both the door and his mouth in ready stance to blast the tiny teen, he was met with the sight of a strange man, holding his daughter's rucksack.

"Hello?" Jamie asked, readying for the irate father routine.

The man seemed to twitch at seeing Jamie. "Well," he offered smiling broadly. "This is a bit awkward, I was just going to leave this for Winifred, seems she left it in my….car."

"Really?" Jamie folded his arms "And you are….?"

The lanky brunette fidgeted with his bow tie and twitched some more. "Well, I, I'm….." He began to pat himself down as if searching for something.

"New face?" Jamie asked smirking.

The Doctor seemed to visibly relax with relief, and began to rub the back of his neck. "Yeah," he nodded.

"You get any younger and the next companion is going to need to be a wet nurse."

Jamie nodded back and ushered him in. "Wait," he stopped looking around. "Are you alone?"

"Everyone's out for the holidays. I stayed home, well. Me and Winnie. Sorta like old times for us really. Well, it would be if she was around, but I suppose you had something to do with that eh?"

Jamie witnessed his visitor make an honest to God finger tug of his collar before we spoke. "It's not like that Jamie; She sort of landed in our laps. I didn't even know who she was at first."

Jamie nodded and made his way to the kitchen to brew a fresh pot of tea. "Really," he spoke evenly.

The Doctor sat stiffly in the kitchen chair and Jamie noticed right off that he was different. Quieter. Younger body but older mind. To Jamie, he reminded him of someone's elderly aunt, the kind that crochets sweaters and nags about the state of kids today while baking cakes and pies. "You said 'our'? Where is your companion?"

The Doctor seemed to hop up out of his seat as if it were lit on fire. "OO that reminds me! She hates when I forget about her. Are you sure we are alone here?" He asked as he made his way back to the front door.

"Yeah, Martha is in Africa and the rest of the horde are terrorizing America. "

The Doctor stopped. "The rest of the…?" he smiled. "Wait here; don't move I will be right back."

Jamie shook his head at the odd man. He was similar to what he remembered of the Doctor's second self, sort of an absent minded professor.

He could hear them enter the house. The Doctor's voice in soft platitudes of comfort and another voice he knew well. "Here we are then," the Doctor made with a flourish as Jamie sat out a third cup for tea.

"Martha!" he came around and enveloped her in his arms. "I never thought I would see you again. Well, _you_ you. Well. Oh boy is this awkward." Jamie smiled.

Martha rewarded him with a tighter squeeze and giggled in his ear. "I know what you mean. And it's good to see you." Martha pulled away from the embrace and cupped her hand on his cheek. "I have missed this face. "

"Oi! The Doctor fretted, leaning over to the mirror on the toaster to check his present mug. "This one isn't so bad."

"He is a bit vainer than last time eh?" Jamie grinned.

"Ugh, you're telling me. Don't ask him about his bow tie either." She smiled.

"Uh, hello" the Doctor waved for attention. "Bowties are cool."

The two old friends laughed at the Doctor's antics. "It is really, really great to see you Jamie." She smiled

"Behave Martha, I am a married man." Jamie warned.

"Oi, so is he!" Martha grinned with a hooked thumb pointing at the man in the bowtie.

Jamie looked between the two and made odd gawping noises with his mouth, "No, no way!" but his face broke into a smile that could have melted the polar ice caps.

Martha nodded and took his hand. "We should sit and catch up, yeh?" She looked over to the Doctor and motioned for him to sit.

"Got him trained." Jamie smirked.

"Harder than you would ever imagine."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The three sat at Jamie's table. Jamie had dragged out his laptop to share pictures of the eighteen years of his life that had been missed.

"It's a bit weird seeing my face age like that." Martha sighed.

"Spoilers?" Jamie asked the Doctor.

The Doctor templed his fingers and spoke to Martha. "Perhaps we should tell him Martha."

"Tell me what?" Jamie asked sitting back in his seat.

"I'm no longer human, in fact no one can quite classify exactly what I am." She shrugged as if it were no issue, but behind her eyes, Jamie could see that yes, yes it was an issue.

"How, how is it that you aren't human anymore, and how did you find out?"

The Doctor spoke. "We were on Trylihn, you know they have the scanners there before you can ride the trains."

"You took her to Trylihn? That place is insane! They would have put her on the Most Wanted list, had her arrested."

The Doctor nodded slowly. "There was no way to avoid it. I knew they had it in against humans, but there were bigger fish to fry, and I knew Martha could handle herself if need be." He smiled taking his wife's hand.

"She always was the tough one." Jamie smiled.

"And the smart one." The Doctor added.

The three fell into a soft silence before Martha decided to have her say. "When we went through the spanners, they let me pass. No police, no fanfare. We were so certain that I would be arrested so that I could get into the prison to free the others. "

"Had to execute plan B." the Doctor added.

Jamie could not stop the smile from spreading across his face. "I know your plan Bs" he accused. "And she is lucky to have made it out alive."

There were no laughs at his attempt at humor. Only silence as the couple across from him seemed to slink into their chairs. "She did die." The Doctor admitted. "She was hit with a disintegration blast. In the chest."

Jamie cautioned a glance to Martha, who nodded solemnly. "It's true. I was blasted into a quintillion particles. "

"You're not like Jack are you?" he asked stupidly.

The other two at the table laughed at Jamie's surprise. "No, no. Nothing like that well sort of like that but different." The doctor squeezed his wife's hand before going on.

"My particles were scattered over a billion places, and I was somehow aware of every single moment. Everything."

"You experienced every moment of time and space."

"Just for one single moment. But it was enough."

The Doctor rose from his seat and began to pace and wring his hands. "She, uh, she came back together rather quickly. It was amazing actually. One moment she's…poof… and the next she is standing there, back together all in one piece. "

"He always makes it sound so mysterious. Really, it was sort of inevitable." Martha shook her head.

"I don't get it," Jamie admitted, "Sounds fairly mystical to me."

"Dr. Lazarus." Martha and the Doctor started at the same time. Jamie found himself wondering how often that happens for them these days. He and his Martha had it down to a science. Martha grinned and ducked her head, motioning for The Doctor to go on.

"That machine that she and I were trapped in," The Doctor spun his finger and made a soft whirring noise. A look from Martha refocused his speech. "It somehow set off a chain of events in her DNA, aging and circadian rhythms. '

Jamie watched the Doctor as he paced around the kitchen. He seemed to be talking to himself more than to anyone. "Her particles came back together because they were genetically made to come back together. The fact is, that machine did no permanent damage to me, but it c hanged Martha."

"Set off the changes you mean." Martha nodded.

The Doctor nodded and went on. "Yes, yes, of course that had a lot to do with the reset drug you were given. That made everything sort of faster."

"Well, that and all of the constant alien DNA transfers." Martha smirked.

"DNA transfers, from wha-Oh!" Jamie grinned but Martha and the Doctor turned red at his assumption. "Well, I can only assume that the new face was a result of the fall off the building?"

Jamie watched the Doctor turn even redder as he shook his head. "No, sorry no building. In fact, this" he made a sweep of his facial features with his hand." Was a present from an old friend."

"He left me on earth after that. Said I was safer out of the way until he got back from visiting the Ood. He went off to make a run and came to me wearing a new face. I wanted to kill him, but the Master beat me to it."

"Now just wait a minute Martha! I did not intentionally die just to get a new face." He insisted. "And FYI, you weren't exactly happy to see me when I came back."

"He saw me with Mickey and insisted we needed to get married.' Martha nodded. "Said I wasn't safe for humans to be with."

"Way to win the girl mate!' Jamie tossed to the Doctor before getting up to make more tea.

"I was saving the human race from what could have been a potential threat." The Doctor insisted.

"You didn't want to lose me." Martha fired back at him.

The Doctor nodded and smiled. "Well, didn't want to have to go off any buildings…"

Martha turned to Jamie. "He has dragged me off to 58 different planets. I have had more wedding ceremonies than bloody St. Nicholas Cathedral."

"Nothing wrong with being sure of things being nice and legal." The Doctor assured. "And you had fun at the ceremony on Gvertla. "

"The one with the nudity and big hats?" That was you who had fun at that one mate; I was trying to keep me bits covered. "

They laughed well into the night. Jamie ordered fish and chips from across the street and they sat in the vinegar scented kitchen swapping stories and memories.

Winnie crept in somewhere around 12, well past the check in time. Her small frame appeared at the table next to her father. "So I take it you know about my little trip then." She asked timidly.  
Jamie pointed a finger at his only daughter, but stopped before he could speak. "You really should have told me where you were going."

"I didn't think you would believe me." She defended. "Not like I want to get sectioned. Not something in my day planner, sorry."

"You never wondered why she looked so much like your mum?"

Winnie shrugged. "She is way too young to look like mum. Plus, she isn't as scary."

"I will be sure to relay your sentiments to your mother."

Jamie turned to the Doctor. "You didn't tell her about…?"

Both shook their head. "Not our story to tell Jamie." Martha offered.

Jamie took a moment and drew in a deep breath. "Well, Winifred Noble, I would like you to meet your grandfather."


End file.
